


Losing your memories

by NaganSavior



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt Rick, Imprisonment, Injury, M/M, Memory Loss, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Oblivious Rick Grimes, Sex, Sweet Negan (Walking Dead)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 47,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27119735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaganSavior/pseuds/NaganSavior
Summary: After their fight in episode 8x08 , Rick gets pushed out of the window by Negan, but instead of running away, he hits his head which causes him amnesia. Negan decides to take him back while unconscious and use him to make Alexandria surrender. Can Rick's injury melt Negan's hatred for him and his people?[ Carl is not bit in this and doesn't die. Plus Rick is not with Michonne ]
Relationships: Rick Grimes/Negan
Comments: 74
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

Rick entered his house cautiously ,while holding a gun at his hands and being ready for an attack. Everything was dark around, but there was a strong smell from the Saviors bombarding Alexandria. His house had to be left intact for a reason and not because of Negan's "kindness". 

"Carl?" he whispered worried. 

"Judith?" His kids didn't seem to be there. He wished they were in safety. 

Rick moved a bit deeper into his house when suddenly he got attacked by someone who punched him at the stomach and knocked the gun from his hands. He fell to his knees in pain, only to get kicked once again. Rick gasped in pain and agony. 

He heard a chuckle coming from above him and his blood ran cold. Negan was at his house, waiting for his prey so he could trap him. 

"Don't make me do this now Rick" Negan told him as he removed the python from his belt and threw it away so that he couldn't defend himself. "I've got plans for you. Cut your little baby girl to pieces, feed her to dead and make you watch"

Rick felt fear growing inside of him. Over his dead body he would harm his kids. Negan attacked him with Lucille and Rick barely managed to roll to the side to avoid it. 

Negan chuckled again evilly. 

"Then when you're some screwed up, creepy stump with a head-" he said as he went to hit him again with the damn bat "that's when I'm gonna kill you. In front of everybody"

Rick was leaned against the table as he tried to catch his breath. 

"You ever shut the hell up?" he questioned Negan. Just out of curiosity, if anything else. 

"Nope" Negan answered as he hit Lucille against the table with Rick moving to the side in an attempt to avoid it. "You know your kid volunteered to die? What kind a boy you raised Rick?" Negan asked as he approached him threateningly. 

Rick was trying to soothe the pain he was feeling at his stomach. 

"I'm gon' fix him" Negan added "cause I like him. Few years he's gonna be one of my top guys"

Rick had enough though and attacked him back, punching him as hard as he could in the face. Negan hit him back, making Rick fall backwards, hitting a table with things and knocking it down. 

"When I'm done with you" Negan said menacingly "nobody will try to do what you did, not ever again! Not your friends, not your son-"

Rick grabbed from the floor a metal object and hit Negan right square in the face, which caused him to fall down. He stood up fast and grabbed Lucille that had fallen from Negan's hands. He begun hitting him with the bat's handle. Negan saw red at Rick holding Lucille though. 

"Don't you touch her!" he growled as he kicked Rick violently with his foot. 

Rick breathed heavily as he saw Negan who was ready to charge against him again. He caught his python under the table. He should get it and shoot Negan once and for all. 

He ran towards it fast, but when he had just grabbed it, Negan attacked him with force throwing him out of his house's window and breaking through glass. Rick felt his head hitting the ground hard and he blacked out. 

Negan looked out of the window, only to find Rick unconscious. 

"Shit" he muttered to himself. 

He hurried out of the house fast and leaned down next to Rick. This was his chance to kill him. Now that this prick was unconscious. But then again that would be too merciful for Rick. No, he needed to be alive. So he could feel everything and when Negan was bored of torturing him, he would eventually kill him in front of his friends and family. To show them that noone could go against him and live to tell the tale. Not even the mighty Rick Grimes. 

Suddenly some of his men came their way. Their eyes widened when they saw Rick unconscious. 

Negan looked at Rick coldly and made up his mind. He would take him back to the Sanctuary and when he was conscious again, they would be taking a road trip to Alexandria, so that he could execute Rick in front of everybody. 

"Tie him up" he ordered "and put him in the car"

One of his men kneeled next to Rick and looked at his head. 

"Sir, he's bleeding from the head"

Negan groaned at that. There was no chance he would be nursing the Prick to health. 

"Put something around to stop the bleeding, but take him quickly. Don't wish anyone to see him getting taken"

"Ok sir" they nodded and hurried to comply. 

\---

Rick blinked his eyes and saw that he was laying at a single bed. His whole body was sore and his head was hurting. There was also a bandage wrapped up around his head. 

Suddenly the door opened and a lean man walked in. He had black hair and salt and pepper beard. That man was also holding a bat wrapped up in barb wire and was swinging it as he entered the room. He smirked when he saw that he was awake. 

"Well, well look who graced us with his presence in the land of the living and dead ones" Negan told him evilly "you hit your head pretty hard. Of course that's what you get when you're a damn mutineer"

Rick blinked his eyes as he didn't understand anything. What the hell was that man talking about? 

"I'm sorry sir, but...who are you?" Rick questioned despite hurting everywhere. 

Negan let out a chuckle at that, but was cut short as he saw that Rick didn't seem to recognize him. 

"You are joking right?" Negan asked him "with these ploys you won't get away. If anything you are pissing me off more" he threatened. 

"I don't know who you are" Rick replied defensively. 

"Negan, Lucille?" Negan said as he showed him Lucille "ring any bells?"

"No" Rick replied as he grabbed the bedsheets in fear. Who was that man and what did he want from him? 

Negan frowned as he examined him closer. There was no hint that this was a joke. He may hit his head very hard and indeed didn't remember him. Negan couldn't execute him like that though. He needed Rick to remember both what he was capable for and what he did personally to Negan and the Saviors. 

Another idea came to his mind though. 

"You are my prisoner" Negan declared "and you're mine, meaning you belong to me from now and on. When you get well, you are gonna serve my needs in every way you get ordered to" 

He saw Rick shrinking back scared at that and swallowing hard. 

Oh, he was so gonna enjoy this, Negan thought to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

"Understood?" Negan questioned as he saw Rick being lost in his own thoughts. 

Rick's eyes snapped at him and he was afraid but determined to not accept things that easily. 

"No, I don't understand" he replied defiantly. 

Negan let out a chuckle. Amnesiac Rick was so much more fun than ordinary Rick. 

"What part of "you are mine" didn't you understand?" Negan asked as he pulled a chair and sat next to Rick's bed. He was really curious to see Rick's attempts to avoid being his prisoner. What he didn't know though was that there was no avoiding it. Since his mind was telling him that he couldn't execute Rick while being amnesiac (which was bothering him a lot) , he needed a punishment that fitted his crime equally. Being his prisoner, would satisfy Negan more from simply killing him and being done with it. 

Rick sighed frustrated. So he was gonna be his slave and he should be ok with it? 

"Tell me Rick" Negan asked as Rick was not answering "do you know what is happening in the world right now?"

Rick shot him a look. 

"I know. It's the Apocalypse" he replied. 

Negan chuckled at that. 

"Such a smart boy. I'm the leader of this compound that is called the Sanctuary and you are my prisoner. Simple as that. You will behave and I won't force you to come face to face with a Walker ,all defenseless. Either way your role will be indoors" he said suggestively as he licked his lips "any questions?"

Rick stared at him blankly and with a sore expression. 

"What are you gonna do to me?" he asked instead. 

Negan grinned at that. "You really want me to ruin the surprise? Your head wasn't cut so bad after all, so I believe tomorrow, I can put you to work. Can't have you laying around"

Rick's mouth turned to a straight line and Negan felt himself getting hard. He loved making Rick angry. Breaking him down all over again, was gonna be so much fun. 

"Now a basic question" Negan announced "Do you know your name?"

Rick swallowed dryly but opted to answer. 

"I'm Rick Grimes" he replied plainly. 

"Great" Negan said in a happy tone "although I may change that as well. Prick fits you way better. Prick Grimes? Just Prick? Whatever you like" 

Rick narrowed his eyes at that. 

"Don't you want to ask me something else?" Rick asked Negan. 

Negan examined him and let a smile on his face. 

"What else? If you have - sorry, had - a girlfriend?" Negan chuckled lightly. There was no way he would be telling him about his kids and all the other pricks he called "family". " This is irrelevant now that you are my prisoner. What should matter to you is how you will please me"

"Dream on" Rick replied angrily. 

Negan stood up and loomed over Rick. 

"You dare to backtalk ,huh?" he demanded "I'll cut your defiance though. It's "Sir" for you from now and on when you address me. What saves you from getting punished is that you're with a messed up head. Do you understand?" Negan asked threateningly. 

"Yes..." Rick spat out and saw Negan narrowing his eyes at him "Sir" he added. 

Negan let out a chuckle once again. 

"Good Prick. Now close your eyes and sleep. Your sleeping hours will be cut down very soon so enjoy it while you can" he added menacingly. 

Rick shot him a glare as Negan walked out of the room after giving him one last look. 

"Sleep well Rick. Lights out now"

He turned off the light on his way out and locked the door behind him, leaving Rick in the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

Rick jolted awake by Negan banging the door of his supposed room, which only had a bed that he was laying to and two chairs basically, to close it behind him as he entered the room. 

"Oops did I wake you up?" Negan asked but he wasn't sorry at all "my bad"

Rick sat up ,although he had a strong dizziness. He rested his head on his hand to soothe the pain as he closed his eyes for a second. 

"Don't be rude Prick" Negan complained as he sat down next to his bed again "what do you say when I'm kindly waking you up?"

"Thank you Sir" Rick replied almost robotically. He had no emotion whatsoever in his voice. 

"Why are you like that?" Negan demanded to know. He wanted Rick eager to please him. 

Rick had enough though. 

"Shut up!" he yelled at Negan "what the hell do you want? My head is hurting!" Rick sobbed out in frustration as he teared up. 

He hid his face in his hands, expecting to get his injured head banged against the wall or worse, for telling him to "shut up". Nothing happened though. Negan stood up and stormed out of the room. 

Rick laid back down because the dizziness was getting too much to handle. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down but it was very hard. Some minutes later , the door reopened and Negan walked in with a cold expression. He was holding a wrapped up sandwich, a bottle of water and pills.

"You are gonna eat that" he said as he tossed the sandwich in his hands "and then you are gonna take a pill for the head"

Rick looked up at him and didn't expect to care if his head was hurting or not. Even if the whole thing was told in a harsh way. 

"Thank you...sir" Rick mumbled as he unwrapped the sandwich. 

Negan let out a huff and dropped himself to a chair as Rick started eating. 

Rick felt the dizziness withdrawn a bit as he ate. Negan was looking everywhere else except from him. 

When he finished eating, Negan handed him one pill and the bottle of water. Rick complied and swallowed it down. 

"I have to leave" Negan announced "lay back down and when I come back later, you're gonna clean my room ,so don't tell me poor excuses about your head. Do I make myself clear?"

Great, now he would put him to clean his damn room like he couldn't do it himself. 

"Yes sir" he replied eventually, as Negan was looking at him with coldness. 

Negan went to leave when he stopped and looked at Rick again. 

"Oh and next time you tell me to shut up, there will be punishment" he added, just to make Rick have something to think and fear about. 

With that he walked out of the room, locking Rick in. It was time to visit his cute little home and put them in their places after their rebellion. 

\---  
"Come on kid, cheer up" Negan said to Carl who was kneeling in front of him and was crying from his one eye. 

They were all put on their knees for him. His men had discovered that they were hiding at the sewers and pulled them out one by one. 

"Your leader, Rick the Prick, ran away like the scared little chicken that he is" Negan lied but he didn't care "I'll not kill someone from you, because I know that his ideas were what brought you here today. We will continue like nothing happened as you and my men will work together to make repairs to your poor little houses. In the meantime, you will be going with my men on runs to continue finding things for me. You will be watched from now and on though and be aware that whoever does something out of line, will get punished. The days of tolerating you, are long gone " he announced and motioned his men to lower their guns that had been pointed at Alexandrians all this time he was talking. Everyone seemed devastated. 

Negan grabbed Carl by the arm and forced him to walk with him a bit further. 

"What do you want?!" Carl demanded in anger. He was so much like his dad. 

Negan smirked at him. 

"Just wanted to see what you think of your daddy dearest abandoning you. Isn't he just cold hearted? Leaving you all alone at my mercy?" he said in hopes to make him upset. 

Instead Carl narrowed his eye at Negan. 

"Our kitchen is a mess but the house is completely intact. So you didn't bombard it as well. Also the window is broken. Which makes me think that my father didn't "run away", but something else happened there last night. I'm gonna find out" Carl announced. 

"Look whatever you want" Negan chuckled "when and if he comes back though, I'll execute him in front of everybody" Coming back metaphorically, Negan thought to himself, but still coming back. 

Carl gave him the stink eye as Negan took off his cowboy hat that Rick had given him and threw it without a care somewhere behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Negan waited until evening to put Rick to work. Not that he gave a damn about his well-being but at least to be able to stand up. They were left without a doctor so he couldn't get a professional opinion on Rick's situation. He knew that he had to change bandages to his head though and give him something for the pain if he wanted him to not shut down completely. 

He unlocked the door of Rick's room and found him gazing at the wall with a lost expression. His eyes snapped at him when he saw him. Negan left a pair of sweatpants at the bed and told him to wear it. Rick sighed to himself and sat up. He was left with a shirt and his boxers since yesterday. Rick put on the sweatpants and stood up while holding his wrapped up head. Negan was expecting him to complain that he couldn't do it but instead Rick stayed quiet. Maybe he thought to take his punishment like a man after all. 

Negan grabbed him by the wrist and led him to his room, but not too fast so that Rick could keep up. He opened the door and locked behind him. He had left his room with quite a mess on purpose , just to have Rick clean it for him. Negan liked his bedroom very clean and usually he did it himself. But what did he have Rick there for? 

Rick looked around at that mess and stood frozen in place. He was dizzy and didn't think he could deal with this now. Negan gave him a warning glare though and dropped what he was thinking. He didn't want to know what he would do to him if he refused. Negan brought him everything that was needed and sat behind his desk. 

"You may begin" he ordered coldly. 

Rick swallowed dryly and nodded. 

"Yes sir" he muttered subsmissively. 

For the next forty minutes, Negan pretended to be looking at some papers but he couldn't care less. He was watching Rick instead as he tried to clean the room. Rick asked for a mop but Negan told him that he had to clean it the old fashioned way just to make his punishment worse. That's what he got for starting rebellions against him. Rick dropped to his knees to his delight and started rubbing the floor with a rag. By the time he managed to clean it, he was sweating profusely. Then changed the bedsheets and put on clean ones as Negan ordered. When all of these things were done, Rick looked at him in hopes that he was done and he could go rest. 

"You have the bathroom as well" Negan announced and saw Rick's mood darken at that. He didn't dare to protest though. 

Negan walked to his bathroom only to find Rick cleaning the toilet. 

"You look good on your knees" Negan commented just to annoy Rick. 

Rick turned to look at him and looked on the verge of tearing up. He didn't say anything though. Negan let him be and sat at his room again which was admittedly very well cleaned now. 

About an hour later, his bathroom was spotless and Negan was very pleased. Rick wanted to pass out though from the exhaustion. 

"Can I go to my room now sir?" he questioned, eager to get away from him even for some hours. 

Negan wasn't done with him though. He had to change his bandage. 

"You will go take a shower and then I'll check up your head" Negan announced. 

Rick just stood there in front of him feeling absolutely miserable. 

"You got a problem?" Negan questioned as he approached him threateningly. 

"No Sir..." Rick said eventually as he looked down at the floor. 

Negan handed him a towel and gave him a push towards the bathroom. 

"Go do it then, before I get forced to come wash you myself" he said coldly.


	5. Chapter 5

Rick felt the warm water against his skin and hot tears running down his cheeks. He wanted to disappear with the flowing water, but he couldn't. What he was living was real and he had to go through it. His head hurt so bad though. He had sat down at the tub, because he had no strength to stand. Couldn't even wash his hair now that his head was wrapped up in bandages. Rick sighed to himself and decided to end his bath, so he could be let go sooner rather than later to his "room". He wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the tub. Rick looked himself in the mirror and he appeared horribly. He was very pale, with the bandage wrapped around his head. Suddenly he felt a strong wave of nausea and held his head with his hand. He let out a gasp before he felt himself falling to the floor against his will. 

"Rick! Rick!" he heard someone yelling at him but he couldn't answer. 

Negan was wondering when Rick would get out of the bathroom. He said a shower, not a one hour bath like he was at his poor excuse of a home back at Alexandria. Negan was ready to knock on the door, to demand that Rick got out at last when he heard a loud noise. Like something had dropped. 

What the hell was he doing in there? 

"Rick I'm coming in" he threatened "don't care if you're naked. Want you out right now"

With that he barged in unceremoniously, only to see Rick unconscious at the bathroom's floor. 

Shit, he thought. 

"Rick! Rick!" he yelled as he knelt next to him. Shouldn't had pressured him so much. 

He looked at his head and thankfully it wasn't bleeding again. 

Negan picked him up with struggle and put him at his bed. He hurried to get another towel and started drying Rick up as fast as he could. When he was done, he pulled out a pair of pyjamas and put them on. He couldn't let him only with a towel in his condition. 

Rick was still unconscious. Negan grabbed his hand in his and it was cold as well. He let out a heavy breath and finished dressing Rick up. Pulled the covers from under him and covered him. Negan checked his pulse and it was there but weak. He was also letting out swallow breaths. 

Negan had been too hard on Rick for first day and Rick couldn't deal with it. When he looked at him though, laying there unconscious and so vulnerable, Negan felt a pang of guilt inside of him, despite wishing he didn't feel it.

\---

When Rick woke up again, it was morning. He felt his head hurting again when he saw the sunlight. Looked around and realised he was at Negan's room. 

Just then the door opened and Negan walked in. He didn't seem to have slept at all. 

He saw that Rick was awake and sighed as he sat down next to him. 

"You passed out yesterday" he explained as he saw Rick's confusion as to why he was there "at the bathroom"

"You won't punish me?" Rick asked, like passing out was something punishable. 

"I overestimated your abilities" Negan replied instead "can't say I'm not disappointed but you will probably be worth my while. Just not right now"

Rick felt even worse hearing that.

"You have others as well that you've turned them into your slaves?" Rick questioned. 

Negan gave him a calculating glare. 

"Just you at the moment. But you're obviously not capable to be of service"

"I'm sorry, sir" Rick said but he didn't sound sorry at all. 

Negan scoffed at that. 

"Don't sound so disappointed. I'm gonna tear up at your eagerness to pleasure me..." he said mockingly. 

"What do you want?" Rick spat out in anger "I'm not well. Why you treat me like shit? What did I do to deserve that?"

"Can't tell you" Negan said coldly "but be sure that you're treated like I have to be treating you"

Rick wanted to tell him to shut up again, but he opted not to. He would definitely punish him, whether he was well or not. 

"You will be staying with me here from now and on. Plus staying at bed. Since you're not capable to do something else, do that at least. Do you understand?"

"Fine..." Rick muttered, given up. 

"Now I'll change your bandage and don't want to hear anything else coming from your mouth" Negan ordered him and saw Rick's lips turning into a straight line.


	6. Chapter 6

Negan threw the bloody bandages away and wrapped up new ones. Rick didn't dare to say anything. He just stayed silent and let him do what he wanted. Negan was feeling a bit annoyed that he had turned into Rick's nurse but then again if he wanted him to become well again, someone had to do these things. 

Negan got up and let out a yawn. He really needed to sleep. Rick shot him a glare, but Negan ignored him. Got to his bathroom and changed into pyjamas. With Alexandria back to being his, he had nothing to worry about, so it wouldn't harm if he slept a bit. He hadn't slept all night after all. Negan walked back out and laid down at his own side of the bed. 

Rick was staring at him, with an expression like he had grabbed his hard earned Halloween candy from him. Negan bet that he was used to being praised by his people all the time and the change was making him upset, without knowing why though. What Negan cared about was for Rick to get well so he could do to him whatever he wanted. He was no fun up to that point. 

"I'm gonna sleep" Negan announced "you better not make any noises"

Rick didn't answer but looked at the bedsheets bitterly. Negan opted to not pressure him more and closed his eyes. Rick laid back down as well and turned his back on Negan. He felt himself tearing up again. He bit his lip to keep quiet as he sobbed. Looked at the rays of sunshine at the floor and tried to compose himself. He wished that Negan would kill him and be done with it instead of having to live like that. 

\---

Carl was sitting at the steps of his house and was crying his one eye out.Thankfully Michonne had taken Judith to take care of her because he couldn't do it. After their plan failed and Negan regained control over Alexandria, he was a mess. If his dad was there for him, he would feel much braver. Now he couldn't even go out to search for him. They could only go out if it was with a Savior so that they wouldn't run away. His hatred for Negan had multiplied. He bet that he did something to his dad and was hiding it. At least if he had killed him, to give his body back, so that he could mourn him properly. If he had thrown him somewhere at the woods, Carl wouldn't handle it. 

Dwight was walking around Alexandria but he couldn't calm his nerves down. Laura had seen him killing Saviors two nights ago and she managed to get away. If Negan found out, it would be his end. Not only that, but now he was forced to patrol Alexandria. He passed in front of Rick's house, that was from the only ones left intact and saw Carl who looked horribly. He guessed he wasn't the only one who was not feeling well. Dwight looked around fast and thankfully there wasn't anyone else from the Saviors around. He approached Carl and sat next to him. 

Carl looked at him through his tears and couldn't understand what Dwight wanted. 

"What happened Carl?" he asked seriously. 

Carl didn't know if he should trust him but then again he knew that Dwight had risked a lot for them. 

"My dad has gone missing" he sobbed out "Negan said that he ran away but he would never do that. Do you know what happened to him?"

Dwight's eyes widened at that. He had guessed that Rick was hiding somewhere and that at least his son would know where that was. 

"No kid...I don't know. You think that Negan trusts me? He doesn't. Look I'll ask to return to the Sanctuary and I'll try to find out what he did to him. Until then, I want you to not cry in broad daylight ok? Don't give him or anyone else that satisfaction. Your dad is strong and will come back. Can you do that for me?"

Carl cleared the tears from his one cheek and nodded reluctantly. 

"Ok, I'll try..." he agreed. 

Dwight offered him a small smile and stood up before anyone could see them sitting together and chatting.


	7. Chapter 7

Νegan woke up about an hour later and blinked his eyes. He looked beside him and expected to see Rick but he was not there. Negan sat up immediately. Where the hell was he? He stood up and Rick got out of the bathroom. He looked like he had been crying judging by his red face and watery eyes. 

"What are you doing?" Negan demanded as he crossed his arms in front of him. 

"I was at the bathroom..." Rick said roughly as he sat back down at the bed. "You know if I was at maximum level prison I would have more rights than now" he added grumpily. 

"You'd also be in a cell. Do you want me to throw you in one?" Negan shot back at him. 

"No" Rick replied exasperated "but being mad at me for going to the bathroom or making a sound is..." he couldn't even find the words. 

Negan thought about it. Of course his anger didn't come from just going to the bathroom or speaking his mind. He was mad that he had orchestrated a whole rebellion against him. That was what made him want to make Rick pay. But the Rick he had at his room didn't remember anything of all this. 

"I'm not mad" he said eventually, attempting a more calm approach. He knew that Rick wasn't well and he was gaining nothing by attacking him all the time. "You can stand up if you want to. I said to be laying at bed in order to get better. But the only way to keep you in bed would be to tie you up and I won't be doing that. So do whatever you want, your health it is after all"

"I just went to the bathroom" Rick repeated ,to clarify it. Negan was being extremely controlling and made him feel like since he was hurt, that he had no value as a person. 

Rick laid back down and looked at him as he was on the verge of tearing up again. 

"Whatever I did to you...I can't change it,alright? You can make me your slave ,treat me like shit, you may think that I'm not worth of anything, but I have to be worth of something. Even if it's not what you wanted"

Negan stayed silent at these words. Of course he knew that Rick was worth more than just cleaning up his room. But they were enemies. How could there be anything else? 

He looked at Rick and saw fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. 

Negan sighed to himself. 

"I've been too hard on you, I'll admit that. Don't cry though,I'm not gonna hurt you. That was my rage talking yesterday and today. Just try to get rest ok? I won't be forcing you to do things that you can't do. With someone else I was outraged with. I realise that this person is not you. Despite having the same face. If you remember, then I'll confront the real person responsible. Who knows exactly what he did"

Rick wiped the tears from his face and took a trembling breath. 

"I'm gonna go bring us breakfast" Negan announced as he got up.

Rick nodded reluctantly and pulled the cover a bit higher. 

"Ok..." he mumbled. 

Negan closed the door behind him and walked to the cafeteria. 

One of his men came his way. 

"Sir, Dwight requested to get transfered back to the Sanctuary. What do you want me to do?" he questioned. 

Negan shot him a glare. Dwight wanted to annoy him as well apparently. They needed people to guard Alexandria or these pricks would be doing the same things. 

"Declined, tell him. He needs to stay right there, like everyone else. No exceptions, especially now. He can be patient for some days. Didn't know he misses the Sanctuary so much. While he is there, tell him to keep a close eye to his failed project, Daryl and also to the kid. Those two are the most dangerous..."

"Ok , Sir" the man replied "I'll pass it on"


	8. Chapter 8

"He is definitely hiding something" Dwight told Daryl and Carl as they were sitting at Rick's house. Daryl was not happy at all with Dwight after everything he had done, but their situation was not good already, so what else could he lose right now by hearing Dwight out? 

"You think he has Rick?" Daryl questioned. 

Dwight sighed frustrated. 

"Don't know but it makes sense to not want me to return like I asked. The story about Rick running away is ridiculous either way. So I find it very likely that he has him and just doesn't want us to find out"

Carl bit his lip worried. Negan could be torturing his father as they spoke. 

"Look" Dwight said as he saw their worry "he can't keep nor me away for long or you, as his prisoners. He simply can't keep a whole community locked up forever. Sooner or later ,he will fall"

"Until then though he can kill innocent people. You saw what "show of power" he did the other day" Daryl said in anger "half and more of the houses are destroyed. He made everyone kneel for him and apologize. For what? If he has harmed Rick, I swear to God...-"

"I know Daryl. You think that I would be here talking with you if I agreed with what he's doing? I need to be careful with him though. Meanwhile try to do your part. The others he has put to guard you, won't tolerate going against them. Try to play along and we will find a way to save Rick and end this once and for all"

Carl sat up and looked outside of the window. The sun was starting to set in the horizon. There was noone from Alexandria who was walking at the streets. Only Negan's men with guns. Carl felt himself wanting to tear up. That was not the place he used to love and care about. 

They had even set a night restriction where they couldn't go out. Carl sighed, feeling his heart heavy. When would this nightmare end at last? 

"I have to go" Dwight said "they'll be looking for me and searching your house won't be a good enough excuse for Negan..."

Daryl gave him a reluctant nod and Carl turned to look at him, offering a small goodbye. Daryl walked to Carl and gave him a comforting pat at the back.

"We are gonna get Rick back" he told him "I know it seems hard with how things are but we need to have faith in him"

Carl looked at the men on patrol and turned his back on the window. 

"I hope you're right..." he said unsure "thankfully Judith is with Michonne. She will keep her safe better than me in case they decide to do something to us. Can't believe that this is happening to us" Carl told Daryl as he sat down at the couch. He felt trapped in a situation that he couldn't get away from. 

"I know Carl..." Daryl said, feeling a heaviness inside of him "but we have each other at least. He can't take that from us"

Carl gave him a hug as he sobbed in his arms as they just sat there at the couch. 

He really wished that Rick was strong enough to keep on fighting. For them if not anyone else. 

\---

Negan got ready for sleep and changed Rick's bandages. All day they had been mostly quiet. Rick didn't do anything out of line and kept to himself. Negan didn't know what to do with him. He had taken him expecting to be punishing him by putting him to do all short of humiliating things. Until now all he had gotten was some backtalking, an injured head and Rick crying most of the day. Perhaps he should consider it to give him back. Either way he couldn't run away with how Alexandria was right now, well kept. 

He sighed to himself as he wrapped up new bandages and gave him a pill for the pain. 

Rick took it without complains. 

"Ok, you're good if you want to lay down" Negan told him. 

"Could I go to the other room?" Rick asked hesitantly. 

Negan frowned at that. Now Rick would be making demands. 

"No, you can't. Because if you pass out again, I'll discover it in the morning. What, you don't like my company?"

"I just asked something..." Rick said in frustration "I never mentioned you. Didn't know you want me to be staying at your room. You look like you're eager for me to get the hell out of here"

Negan scoffed at that. 

"I'm not eager for you to leave. But if you continue being amnesiac ,can't deal with you" Negan told him. 

"You are being very insulting" Rick replied, like since he was injured, he didn't deserve to get treated with some respect. "If I'm such an issue to you, better kill me. Be done with it"

"Calm down" Negan said to him "yes, you are an issue, but not that big. I said that I won't hurt you and meant it. Won't kill you just because you suffer from an injury and need some help"

"Very kind of you" Rick told him, feeling very frustrated. "I'm gonna sleep now, if you don't mind"

Negan stared at him intensely. 

"No mind...you may sleep" 

Rick turned his back on Negan and closed his eyes. He heard Negan laying next to him with a sigh.


	9. Chapter 9

Rick woke up in the middle of the night, he was upset once again. Felt like he was suffocating in that room and that bed. Thankfully Negan was still sleeping next to him. Rick sat up carefully to not wake him up and stood up. Negan hummed and he turned his back on Rick, to continue sleeping. Rick was feeling his head throbbing again. He needed some fresh air, desperately.

Walked to the door as quietly as possible and to his luck Negan hadn't locked. He knew it was very possible he would get punished for that, but he was past the point of caring. He closed the door behind him trying to not make much noise and walked to the dark corridor, while supporting himself from the walls. He didn't know where he was going but there wasn't anyone to question him either way, so it wouldn't be a problem. Rick found his way through the Sanctuary and got outside to a yard. He could hear growls from a short distance.

He sat down at the steps of one stair and felt the breeze against him. Was wearing pyjamas but still felt a bit cold. It was much better here though, than upstairs sleeping next to Negan. Rick rested his bandaged head against the wall and felt his eyes closing against his will. It was much more peaceful there and that helped him relax. Before he even knew it, Rick fell asleep, barely thinking about what would happen if Negan discovered that he had gotten out of the room without permission.

Rick woke up again to the feeling of being in a warm bed. He blinked his eyes and he was at Negan's bed again. So that meant...-

"I'm losing my patience with you" Negan said to Rick when he saw he had woken up.

"Leave me alone..." Rick groaned frustrated.

Negan ignored him though.

"You could guess my shock when I woke up early in the morning and found you missing" he said , obviously disappointed.

"I wanted some fresh air and slept outside accidentally" Rick said plainly.

"That you are not allowed to be walking around did it cross your mind or no?" Negan asked as he loomed over Rick.

"I just needed some air. You keep me indoors for three days now" Rick tried to explain himself.

"There is a reason for that" Negan growled "you're not on vacation. Plus you're with a hurt head. If you'd fallen from the stairs and bled out, what then huh?"

"I'm not incapable!" Rick snapped at him to which Negan frowned.

He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose to control himself.

"Today I'll put you to work again" Negan told him "since you're able to be walking around without my permission, it won't harm you"

Rick felt like he would be crying again but held it. Wouldn't let his captor see him crying.

"Ok..." he said in bitterness. Negan let out a sigh at Rick's pained expression. He would find something light for him to do.

"I'm going to get us breakfast" he announced. 

"Eat alone, don't want to eat" Rick said which only annoyed Negan more. 

"Don't care if you want to or not" Negan replied "eating is crucial to your healing. There is no skipping it" 

With that he turned his back on Rick and grabbed the room's keys as well to lock. He wouldn't be making the mistake to not lock again


	10. Chapter 10

Negan unlocked the door of his room and saw that Rick had been crying while he was grabbing them breakfast. When he saw him, he tried to wipe them fast but it was too late. Negan left the breakfast at a table and walked to him. Rick tried to flinch back when Negan sat at the edge of the bed. 

"Bet you enjoy seeing me like that..." Rick mumbled as he felt shame for being weak. 

Negan shook his head negatively and looked at him. 

"I don't ,actually. Why are you crying now? Did I hurt you? he questioned. 

"You keep me locked up. Isn't that enough reason to cry?" 

"Just don't want you to get hurt. I've already admitted that I was hard on you the other day after all. Won't be making you do things that you can't again. It will do you good though to occupy yourself with something instead of laying at bed all day"

"Don't know if I can" Rick replied in confusion. 

"For as long you can Rick. I won't be with the whip to force you to be standing more than you are able to. Whenever you feel tired, you stop"

Rick looked at him in disbelief. 

"Fine, I'll do what you say..." he agreed reluctantly. 

Negan gave him a small smirk. 

"Alright, let's eat now. I meant it that you shouldn't skip meals" 

"Isn't there a doctor that could see me?" Rick questioned. 

Negan frowned a bit at that. 

"No, we had a doctor, but he is dead" he told Rick. 

"Ah alright..." Rick mumbled. 

Negan gave him a plate with omelette and bread as Rick sat up a bit. When he saw it, he felt appetite coming back to him. 

Perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to not skip meals, like Negan said. 

\---

"Did you have any news on Negan and my father?" Carl asked Dwight. They had met in secret again. 

"No kid. He doesn't let me return. Don't know what to do to allow me to come back. Wants me to keep an eye on you and Daryl..." Dwight said frustrated. 

Carl stayed silent at that. If Negan wasn't letting Dwight to return, they had to make him to do so. 

"Tell him that I tried to kill you" Carl offered. 

"Carl what are you saying? You know that he will get mad at that" Dwight's eyes widened. 

"What he will do? The worst to talk my ear off. Don't think that he will harm me. Signal him, please" Carl begged. 

Dwight gave him a weird look as he thought about it. He would be risking the kid's safety but then again he got his need to find out what really happened to his father. 

He sighed deeply and got the walkie talkie out. Had avoided to talk directly to Negan, because he was worrying about Laura coming back. Hoped he would believe it and to want to see Carl. 

"Negan?" he questioned "it's me Dwight"

Negan had been sitting with Rick to eat breakfast when he heard Dwight's voice coming from his walkie talkie. 

Rick's eyes shot at the walkie talkie and Negan grabbed it fast as he walked out of the room. 

He couldn't allow Rick to hear anything about Alexandria. 

"What do you want Dwight?" he demanded "told others that you need to stay there"

"The kid attempted to kill me" Dwight said ,pretending to be angry. 

"What?!" Negan demanded. That goddamned kid. 

"Yes. He attacked me with a makeshift weapon" 

"Bring him right here. Want to have a talk with him and can't come today from there. He needs to know his place!" Negan growled in annoyance. 

The Grimes were still a big issue. Despite the fact that the one was amnesiac and the other, a one eyed kid. 

Carl smirked at Negan's answer, despite Dwight looking worried. 

Negan could be so predictable and he would use that to his advantage.


	11. Chapter 11

"Well, well, if it isn't the little serial killer. Grown up serial killer? I'm still undecided" said Negan as he paced up and down his office while Carl was made to sit at a chair. Rick was put to short some books at bookshelves. Negan had found a lot during runs and wanted to make something like a library. It was an easy job for Rick. He didn't lock him in, because it would upset him, but told him that when he felt tired to go rest. He had to deal with his son in the meantime. Not that Rick knew that though. 

"What should your punishment be?" Negan wondered out loud as he sat down behind his office. 

Carl narrowed his eyes as he looked at him. 

"Why don't you cut the crap and tell me what you did to my father?" Carl asked instead. "This was my way of getting your attention"

Negan laughed at that, despite being secretly impressed by the kid's cleverness. 

"You Dad is a runaway kid. Maybe he thought you got away as well. Sooner or later he will return and will get caught the moment he steps foot at Alexandria. Then you know...torture, execution..."

"My Dad would never leave. So say at last what you did before I lose my patience" Carl demanded. He was determined to find out the truth no matter how hard it was. 

Negan banged his hand against the desk, but Carl didn't even flinch. 

"You are calling me a liar?" he questioned in anger. 

"Yes!" Carl snapped at him "now cut the threatening and tell me the truth"

"Kid I'm warning yo-" Negan growled at him, but before he could react Carl was opening the door of his office and running out. 

Negan let out an angry sound as he ran after him. 

Carl didn't have a clue where he was going. He started opening doors one by one, hearing complaints from people who were in the rooms. Where could he be holding his father? 

"Kid stop!" he heard Negan yelling behind him but he was not gonna obey him. 

Rick heard yellings coming from outside the room he was in. What was going on? 

He knew that Negan said to stay there but had to know what was happening. Rick opened the door and saw someone running his way. It was a boy around 16 with long brown hair, he was wearing an eye patch and a cowboy's hat. Negan was chasing after him. 

Carl stopped when he saw his father looking at him with a lost expression. He looked very worn down and his head was bandaged up. Carl fell to his hug immediately as Rick stood there without knowing what to do. 

"Dad!" Carl sobbed out. What the hell had Negan done to him? 

Negan sighed frustrated when he saw Carl hugging his dad. He wouldn't let the subject drop now that he had found him. 

Rick didn't hug him back as he was trying to process why this kid was hugging him. 

Carl saw that he wasn't recognising him and frowned at Negan. He stepped in front of his Dad, trying to protect him. 

"Runaway, huh?" Carl demanded bitterly "What did you do to him and he doesn't remember me?!" 

Negan looked at the both of them. Rick made no move towards Carl and showed no sign of recognition. 

"Rick, go to my room" Negan ordered "until this thing is shorted out"

Rick had a sore expression but he nodded reluctantly. He couldn't say no to him. Especially when he was so angry ,like now. 

"Stay here Dad" Carl begged him as he cried from his one eye "don't do what he says"

Rick shook his head negatively. 

"I can't, sorry..." he mumbled as he left. 

Carl watched him go away and felt very helpless. 

Negan crossed his arms in front of him. 

"You are happy now?" he demanded. 

"Why the hell he doesn't remember me?" Carl snapped at him. 

"Because he has amnesia!" Negan replied in anger.


	12. Chapter 12

"You wanted the truth kid, so here it is. Your father and I got into a big fight that night and pushed him out of your kitchen's window. He hit his head and doesn't remember who I am or you or anything for the matter" Negan told him in anger. 

Carl opened his mouth in shock and covered it with his hand. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. 

"Tell me you're joking" Carl demanded "this can't be real ,right?"

"It is though" Negan snapped at him "no matter how much I would like to punish him for what he pulled off, I can't ,because he doesn't remember"

"Punish him?!" Carl growled "you are the reason he's like that!"

"I am not" Negan yelled back "he knew what he was getting into. Can't give him back. I'm nursing him back to health and he is also my prisoner. So ,stay away from him!"

"He is my father!" Carl replied angrily. Wouldn't let his father suffer, either he remembered him or not. 

"I can kill everyone at Alexandria" Negan threatened "Rick is staying right here. It's either him or them. Choose"

Carl wanted to attack him and start punching him despite the fact that Negan was stronger than him. He was outraged by what he had done. 

Just then Dwight appeared and looked at the both of them. 

"What is going on here?" he asked as he frowned. He knew that it wasn't a good idea to bring Carl there. 

"Take the kid back to his home before I lose my patience" Negan ordered. Carl gave him an outraged glare. Like hell he was leaving. 

Dwight grabbed him by the arm though, decisively. If this continued, Carl would be in great danger. 

"This is not over!" Carl shouted at him as Dwight pushed him to get him to move. 

Negan watched the kid getting dragged away and felt his blood boiling. He had to control himself and fast, because Rick would want some explanations. Plus he knew that he couldn't harm Carl. Not with Rick in this situation. 

\---

Rick was feeling lost as he was walking to Negan's room. He couldn't understand why this kid was hugging him or where Negan's rage was coming from. All he knew was that he was feeling alone and abandoned. His head was hurting with everything that had happened. He was in desperate need to lay down. 

Rick turned to a corner when suddenly he bumped into someone. 

"Watch it!" that person barked. 

Rick looked up and saw a man with brown hair and a big mustache of the same color. 

"𝙇𝙚𝙩'𝙨 𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙣"

Rick felt his head throbbing as he was having flashbacks of that man who was standing in front of him right now. 

Negan walking out of the RV. Himself trembling in fear. Killing Glenn and Abraham with Lucille. 

Simon let out a whistle. 

"Well isn't that a surprise! Rick fucking Grimes"

Rick snapped out of his flashback and his eyes widened. He needed to get the hell away from there. 

Punched Simon in the face as hard as he could as he grunted and fell down. 

"You son of a b-" Simon growled. 

Rick started running as fast as he could. He didn't care that he was in pain. Needed to get away from there. 

He ran downstairs in a hurry and got to the yard he had fallen asleep to ,last night. 

Saw some cars in the short distance. He looked at them and the one was with the keys still inside. 

Rick jumped to the driver's side and turned on the engine. The gates were still opened from Dwight leaving with Carl just some moments ago. Rick sped as he got out of there while his head was hurting a lot. 

They tried to shoot at him but they didn't manage it. 

Negan was walking back to his room when he saw Simon fallen to the floor. 

"He escaped" Simon growled as he tried to relieve the pain from the punch. 

Negan felt his blood running cold at that. 

No, no, this couldn't be happening,Negan thought in despair.

"What the hell is Rick doing here, Negan?" Simon demanded as he stood up.


	13. Chapter 13

Negan ignored Simon's question and hurried to his room. All the cars had walkie talkies inside so they could communicate at any time. 

"Rick? Do you copy" he asked to the walkie talkie. 

Rick had stopped at the side of the road after driving for a bit as his head was hurting him quite a lot. It was impossible to keep driving. He heard Negan's voice coming from a walkie talkie that was at the car. 

He was very screwed and he knew it. 

Took the walkie talkie and pressed the button as he rested his head against the seat. 

"What do you want?" Rick demanded to know. He felt so confused. 

Negan sighed in relief when he heard his voice. He had a chance to get him back now. 

"Listen to me, you won't get punished for escaping. Alright? Need you to tell me where you are and I'll come get you"

"I don't want to" Rick said decisively. 

Negan felt very frustrated. 

"You're hurt, can't survive out there alone. Tell me how far you got and I'll come right now"

"You only care about me because I'm your prisoner and I escaped" Rick replied in anger "what the hell was all that with that kid? You owe me explanations. I can't remember and you don't want me to as it seems"

"Rick" Negan warned "there are things that you can't understand. Far more complicated than you think. You need to heal first"

"I don't want to be imprisoned" Rick sobbed out as hot tears started rolling down his cheeks. 

Rick felt like he was a mess. 

"Let me come there and we'll talk about it, how you will be kept" Negan insisted. "Come on Rick, I know that you don't want to die. But that will happen if you stay alone out there"

Rick wiped the tears from his face as he looked out of the window in bitterness. He had nowhere else to go. Noone to support him. Knew that Negan was dangerous, but he was right that he would die. 

"Do you promise to not hurt me?" Rick questioned in defeat. 

"I do" Negan replied seriously. He wanted him back and if that meant to control his anger, he would do it. 

"Fine, I'll tell you..." Rick said as he surrendered himself back to Negan. 

He had to keep fighting. To find out what was wrong with him. He would achieve nothing if he died. 

Had to hold back his fear and face what he had to face.


	14. Chapter 14

Negan parked in front of Rick's car and got out in a hurry. He saw Rick red faced and crying. Negan sighed to himself. He didn't know how to handle Rick, not like that ,without remembering anything. Could deal with him when he was defiant, scared, angry, but not now. Filled with frustration and pain. He got to the passenger's side and got in. 

Rick didn't speak to him but he continued sobbing. Negan thought about what he could do. If he took him back to the Sanctuary , Rick would feel that he was being punished. Taking him back to Alexandria was definitely a no, especially now that Carl knew that he had his father. Needed to keep it that way, but had to be gentler towards Rick. His psychology was very fragile after all that he'd been through. Negan thought of something else though. 

He got more comfortable at his seat and looked at Rick. 

"I will take you to a cabin we have and it's used to rest while out there and it's too late to go back to the Sanctuary. It has to cook, sleep, eat, so we won't go hungry. Your only job will be to relax. I won't do anything to harm you while there, ok? I need you to say if you understand"

Rick was feeling miserable. Either at the Sanctuary or at a cabin, he didn't think he would feel better. 

"Why would you leave your home to live in a cabin?" Rick asked "I mean I'm practically yours again, why don't you force me to return?"

Negan let out a sound of annoyance. Of course Rick would assume the worst of him once again. 

"I could do that, but don't want to. It will not do you any good. I don't want any other escape attempts. You need to get used being around me and me to you"

"All I know is that you're dangerous" Rick replied in frustration. 

Negan's lips turned to a straight line as he frowned. So Rick remembered at least something if he knew what he was capable of. Or maybe it was from how he had treated him so far. 

"If you are obedient ,you have nothing to fear" Negan replied simply "I said already that I won't hurt you. Now will you come to the cabin?"

Rick swallowed dryly. He knew that this wasn't much of a choice. Since Negan had him again, he could practically do whatever he wanted to him. 

Rick looked him in the eyes as well. They seemed more warm than usually but then again, Rick was injured. He didn't think that Negan could ever treat him kindly or humane. 

"Fine, take me wherever you want. It's not that I have much of a choice..." Rick said in defeat. 

Negan grabbed his face gently to make Rick look at him. 

"Sooner or later you'll get through this. When you remember, everything will be different"

"What will you do when I remember?" Rick questioned helplessly. 

"We will talk and set rules. My rules and you're gonna follow them. You'll also apologize for what you did. Life will continue normally" Negan announced. 

Rick swallowed dryly and he nodded reluctantly. 

"Let's get you to my car now" Negan told him "will send someone to get this one as well. We'll go from the Sanctuary to pick supplies and then we will go to that cabin. It's about an hour drive. A lot happened and you need to rest" he added as he got out and opened the door in order for Rick to get out as well. 

Rick sighed and he complied. Although he couldn't get that kid out of his head or Negan killing his friends. Glenn and Abraham, these were their names and they had died for nothing. That's all he knew. 


	15. Chapter 15

Negan let Rick to the cabin and locked the door behind him. He would be going out with his supervision. Just because he had surrendered again, it didn't mean he would be letting him out of his sight anytime soon. Wasn't even sure for how long they would be staying there. Couldn't be for very long since he had to keep Alexandria under his control. His men were keeping them in check, but he needed to make an appearance now and then so they wouldn't forget their place. 

Rick looked around with a sore expression. He had heard Negan locking and he felt like he was suffocating once again. 

"Come on" Negan said "you need to lay down. It looks like you're gonna faint or something"

Rick felt sudden anger. 

"Don't tell me what to do!" he snapped at Negan. 

Negan frowned at him. 

"You don't understand the position you're in Rick, that's the biggest issue. I said I won't harm you, but I draw the line somewhere. You'll treat me with respect. Of course I don't have illusions that you surrendered because you wanted to please me, you did it because you've got more perks with me than being alone out there. Do not test me though" Negan growled at him.

"You don't give a damn about my well being, that's all I know" Rick shot back at him. 

Negan grabbed him by the wrist and led him to the bed which was double so they would be sleeping together again whether they liked it or not. 

He pulled out a pair of handcuffs he had brought from the Sanctuary in case of need and cuffed Rick's hand to the bed post, before Rick could stop him. 

"You'll calm down and when that happens, I'll untie you" Negan said as he frowned at Rick. 

"Go to hell" Rick spat out as he tried to remove the handcuffs from his hand. The movement was causing pain to his head though. 

"I meant it that this is not punishment. If you change your attitude, you'll see it. Let me see your head now"

Rick tried to kick him with his leg though. 

"Untie me, right now!" he demanded. 

"I won't" Negan shook his head in denial. "You've had a hard day and I get that you're stressed out. When you calm down , I'll uncuff you"

Rick started sobbing and Negan knew that it was all the frustration that Rick had ,that was causing this reaction. 

Negan moved closer to him and unwrapped Rick's bandages carefully. 

His head was reddish and didn't look particularly well. Negan knew that he had to clean it and put new bandages on. 

"I'm gonna take care of your head now. Then you'll sleep. Stop being stubborn and do what I'm telling you" Negan told him seriously. 

Rick kept sobbing ,but didn't try to kick him again. 

He was helpless against him either way. Perhaps he should have tried being on his own before giving up so easily due to his fear. Now he was tied up to a bed, at a cabin in the middle of the woods, with Negan, who could do whatever he wanted to him. 

Rick wished he would show him some pity and kill him at last. If it was to keep living like that. Injured, frustrated and at Negan's mercy.


	16. Chapter 16

Negan finished wrapping Rick's head up and looked at him. Rick's tears were drying to his cheeks, but he seemed more calm. 

"Isn't that better?" Negan questioned, trying a more soft approach. Rick looked at the floor bitterly. 

Negan knelt in front of Rick, he wanted to comfort him somehow. 

"I know that you're unwell. But try a bit. You think that I want to be keeping you tied up? I would have put you in a cell back at the Sanctuary and be done with it..."

Rick still wasn't responding. Negan sighed to himself. 

"I'll bring you to eat. The cuffs will stay for the night and tomorrow if you've calmed down, I'll release you. Maybe go outside for a bit, to take some air" Negan offered. 

Negan stood up and went to pick up a can of soup. Tomorrow he would cook fresh food. Maybe that would cheer Rick up. 

He got a spoon as well and went back to the bedroom. Looked at the can and the tied up Rick and he guessed he would have to feed him himself. Wished that Rick wouldn't try to hit him again. 

"Are you ok with me feeding you?" he asked unsure. 

Rick shot him a glare. 

"Do I even have a choice? You said that I'll stay tied up. Either way you don't care about my feelings"

"Right" Negan replied coldly "feeding you it is then"

\---

Rick ate his soup from Negan without protests and laid down to his side due to his hand being cuffed. 

Negan covered him with blankets to not get cold and went to his side as well. 

He let out a sigh as Rick shifted his body to the other side to be more comfortable. 

Thankfully Negan left a respectful space between them. 

After some moments of silence Negan shifted his body as well to look at Rick. 

"I know that you're upset but can't let you escape again. You're mine Rick. That fact needs to sink in at last"

"I should have never told you where I was" Rick replied flatly. 

"You did though because you're in no condition to be alone" Negan pointed out. 

"That kid today called me "Dad". I have a family, right? You keep me away from them. Either I remember or not, you've got no right to force us to be apart"

"They are under my control as well" Negan said "both you and them need to pay for what you pulled off. You may not remember ,but they damn as sure do"

Rick felt like he was gonna tear up again. He may had people out there that cared about him and they were suffering alongside him. 

"Close your eyes and sleep. In due time you will remember. If you're obedient enough, you've got nothing to be afraid of. Don't want a repeat of today again. Understood?" Negan asked in a cold tone. 

"Yes" Rick mumbled. He didn't want to talk to Negan more than he had to. 

"Ok then. Goodnight Rick" Negan said as he turned his back on him. Their first day out there had definitely been a total disaster.


	17. Chapter 17

Rick spent half of his night awake despite the fact that he was feeling very tired and overwhelmed. He felt regrets for having dismissed that kid, his own kid most likely. Had done what Negan wanted and now he was paying the price ,being tied up to a bed post while Negan was sleeping like nothing was happening ,beside him. 

He needed a doctor for his head ,but Negan had said that they didn't have one. Didn't even know if he was saying the truth. Wouldn't surprise him if he wanted to make him suffer by not getting him treated properly.

It did feel a bit better with cleaning his cut and wrapping his head up, but still. He had hit his head pretty hard. Knew that Negan wouldn't tolerate speaking to him in a manner he didn't like again though, but he just couldn't stop when he was treated so bad. 

He sighed to himself and turned to the other side as his one arm had become sore. Wished that at least tomorrow he would release him. If he stayed one more day tied up, he would be going crazy. His ultimate goal was to escape and get back to his family. Maybe take the car and leave Negan to that cabin. That would be a great way to get back on him now that he was thinking about it. Give him a taste of how he had been treating him. 

Didn't know what he supposedly had done to him, but these days that he had gotten to get to know the other man, he bet that he had deserved it and worse even. If he wasn't with a serious injury, he would have attacked him already, but up to now he should avoid direct confrontation. It wouldn't do him any good. 

Rick changed position again, to relieve his arm that was getting sore all the time. He saw Negan blinking his eyes next to him and hurried to close his. The last he wanted was to be seen awake and get scolded. Rick felt Negan sitting up a bit and he bet that he was checking if he was sleeping. Rick tried to relax his breathing as Negan stood up. Where the hell was he going? 

Rick blinked his eyes a bit and saw him grabbing something from his jeans. He walked back towards the bed and Rick felt him moving more closer to him. He was about to open his eyes again and demand to get away from him, but he heard the handcuffs getting unlocked. Rick tried to not show that he had realised what he had done but felt much better that Negan had at least decided to release him. 

Negan covered him better with the blankets and laid back down again. He covered himself as well and turned his back on Rick to sleep again. Rick rubbed his sore wrist to relieve some of the pain from being tied up for so many hours. He couldn't understand why Negan would interrupt his sleep just to uncuff him. He could finally sleep properly though.

Rick turned his back on Negan as well and massaged a bit his wrapped up head. Tomorrow would be a new day and a step closer to his goal, to get the hell away from him once and for all. 

\---

Negan could feel Rick tossing and turning beside him for hours. Tried to ignore him and sleep but he bet that the other man was uncomfortable being forced to sleep like that. He didn't know what he was supposed to do with Rick. Had agreed to be obedient and follow his orders, but he was doing the complete opposite from that. What had he said that was so bad after all? To lay down because he looked horribly. Rick had acted like a brat though. He had to show Rick that he was in charge and definitely not him. 

Couldn't overwrite the fact that Rick was in a bad condition though. He should untie him so that he could at least be comfortable. Negan blinked his eyes and looked at Rick. He seemed to be asleep but you could never know with that guy. Didn't want him to take advantage and run away again. Negan sighed in frustration and stoop up to go get the key for the handcuffs. Turned back around to face Rick's sleeping form and was unsure for a moment. Should he trust him to stay put or not? 

Decided to do the "right" thing and that was to release him from being tied up. He leaned over Rick and tried to unlock them to the semi dark room. Had left a light on but inside and there was only a bit coming to their room. Couldn't switch on the room's light, because Rick would definitely wake up then. 

Tomorrow he would be giving him pyjamas as well, because with tying him up ,he got forced to sleep with the sweatpants he had given him while at the Sanctuary. Negan hesitated for a bit, but he tucked the covers so that Rick was protected from getting cold. The least he wanted was to get sick as well, on top of everything else. He laid back down on his side and turned his back on Rick. Perhaps tomorrow things would be a bit better between them. Rick had to understand that there was no getting away from him again, but he didn't have to be in misery either. Making himself miserable as well, as he was forced to live with Rick who was behaving like that. Who could have told him when they had first met...


	18. Chapter 18

Rick woke up again early in the morning and looked beside him. Negan was still asleep. This was his chance to get the keys and get the hell out of there, leaving him to that cabin. It would take days to return without a car. He stood up quietly and walked to Negan's clothes searching around for the car's key.

Shit, he thought. They weren't there. Rick continued searching in a hurry. 

Suddenly he heard Negan's voice and froze. 

"You think I'm that stupid?" Negan questioned as he wiped the sleepiness from his eyes and sat up. 

Rick turned to look at him in anger. 

"I took my measures against you" Negan added. Negan's mouth was a straight line and didn't look happy at all to catch him almost escaping. He had known that Rick would do that though. 

Rick approached him threateningly. He was willing to fight to be let go and didn't care if his head was injured. Was sick and tired of Negan's denial to let him go. 

"Give me the keys right now or I'll strangle you with my bare hands. Don't need a weapon to kill you! I'm done with your crap Negan. Either tell me what the hell I did to you to deserve this treatment or let me go" 

Negan looked up at him and Rick was definitely pissed off. Maybe releasing him wasn't such a good idea after all. 

"If you don't lay back down, I'm gonna tie you up to that bed post and keep you like that for days" Negan shot back at him. "I don't want to beat you up when you're with an injury, but if you give me no other choice..."

Rick started crying again. He was so damn frustrated. 

Negan sighed to himself and helped him lay back down. Rick continued sobbing. He positioned them so that he was on top of Rick and looked him in the eyes. 

"Look at me" he ordered him quietly. 

Rick averted his eyes though. Once again Negan was doing what he wanted to him and he had submitted. 

Negan grabbed his face gently and made Rick to look at him. Rick's eyes were so damn beautiful. He hated seeing them with fear and all teared up. He felt Rick's breath hitching when he looked up at him as well. 

"Relax" Negan said to him, trying to soothe the other man's anxiety. 

To his surprise Rick complied and let some tension be released while taking a trembling breath. 

Negan focused on his lips. He looked at Rick again and saw that he had noticed. Rick swallowed hard as he looked at Negan's lips as well. Couldn't believe that he was even thinking it after Negan refused to let him go once again, but he was. 

Before he could rethink it, Negan's lips were on his, kissing him passionately ,but also gently. Didn't want to hurt him. Definitely not. Wanted Rick to enjoy this as well.

Rick froze at first. This was wrong ,but why did he want it? He responded back to the kiss and Negan let out a moan as he continued kissing him. Rick let out muffled sounds as Negan moved to his neck and placed kisses on his skin. 

Negan looked at him for consent and Rick gave him a nod, despite feeling a bit scared. He helped Rick out of his clothes being careful with the wrapped up head and removed the sweatpants as well. 

He positioned the pillow so that Rick was comfortable and focused on Rick's blue boxers. He was gorgeous like that. All ready for him. 

"You are mine" Negan said posessively as he grabbed the waistband of Rick's boxers and heard the other man let out a moan. He lowered them and felt every inch of Rick's warm skin. 

He started stroking him gently and Rick was letting out the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard. He tried to muffle them with his hand but Negan removed it immediately. 

"Want to hear you" Negan ordered him and Rick nodded in agreement as he rested his hands on each side of his naked body. He should feel embarrassed that he was all naked and Negan fully dressed in pyjamas, but he actually wasn't. 

Negan grabbed Rick's cock again and started stroking him more intensely. Could feel Rick relax under his touch as he continued making sounds of pleasure. 

Negan couldn't believe that this was real. Rick full on display for him and relaxed under his touch. How many times had he not wished that he could have him like that? He knew that this was only the beginning though.

Rick had closed his eyes but Negan ordered to open them. Wanted to see him and his blue eyes. He obeyed and his eyes focused on Negan who continued to pleasure him even faster. 

"You're so damn gorgeous" Negan praised him, because he was. He could get that Rick was close as he was moaning louder and louder. 

"Please Negan" Rick pleaded him ,desperately. He didn't know why he felt the need to ask for permission to release himself. Maybe because Negan had taken full control of him.

"Cum for me" Negan said in a demanding way and Rick let himself get lost in the feelings he was having. It felt good to release some of his tension after days. 

He cummed hard and Negan let go of him. He grabbed a tissue to clean him up and put Rick's boxers back on. 

Rick was still overwhelmed by his orgasm. 

Negan moved above him again and kissed his lips. 

"You did so good for me" he mumbled. "You belong to me Rick. The sooner you accept that, the more pleasure I can offer you. You are perfect in every way"

"You want me to...just submit to your will?" Rick questioned as he looked up at him. 

"Want you to see that you chose me for a reason. I can make you happy, if you let me. Know that we started off the wrong way ,but I'm willing to try for you. Stop trying to escape and give in to me" Negan suggested. 

Rick looked at him with an unreadable expression. Negan sighed as he removed himself from on top of Rick and walked to his backpack to give him a pair of fresh pyjamas. 

He left them at the bed. 

"Wear these. It's pretty chill during morning" he said to Rick "I'll go make us some breakfast, bet you're hungry"

Rick nodded slowly and picked up the pyjamas. They were freshly washed and smelled very nice admittedly.

Felt his lips with his fingers and could still feel Negan's touching them. 

He was very screwed, that's all he knew.


	19. Chapter 19

Rick got dressed and walked hesitantly out of the bedroom to find Negan who was making them an omelette from the supplies he had brought. He noticed Rick walking towards him, but he continued making breakfast. Rick sat with a sound to a chair and held his head with his palm as he let out a sigh. Couldn't believe yet what they had done with Negan. What he had let him do to him specifically. He felt embarrassment thinking about it. Negan didn't look upset though. Of course he wouldn't be upset.Why would he be after all? He wasn't a prisoner, or amnesiac or forced to submit to someone's wants. For Negan it was perfect, Rick thought to himself. Had found how to keep him in check and have fun in the meantime.

He didn't think that Negan would stop there. To some kisses and giving him an orgasm. Rick was sure that he would want things in return. What if he didn't want to though? Would Negan force it to him? Rick paled at that and his heart started racing like he would be having an anxiety attack. Didn't know if he was ready for these things plus it had really caught him off guard what Negan decided to do to him that morning. He had threatened once again that he would be tying him up. If he was defenseless, he wouldn't be able to fight him off. Rick thought about pleading. If that would work. But he didn't think so. 

Negan had placed the plate with the omelette in front of him and was glaring at Rick as he hadn't even noticed. He was just looking with a lost expression. 

"Your omelette will get cold" he said to Rick. 

Rick snapped out of his thoughts and looked at him. Then at his omelette and truth be told, it seemed delicious. Negan sat opposite from him and picked up his fork to eat as well. 

He practically devoured it since he was hungry and Negan ate at a more normal pace. 

"What were you thinking before?" Negan questioned "when I brought you your plate. You seemed pretty lost in your mind. Hope not escaping again"

Rick sighed in frustration. 

"You can't keep me forever Negan. You're just delaying what we both know is gonna happen" 

Negan glared at him. 

"Maybe it does. Some day. But told you since day one that you belong to me" Negan replied. 

"Were you even truthful about the Doctor? Maybe you gain things from me being amnesiac and not treated properly"

"So you're implying that I'm lying to keep you amnesiac?" Negan asked as he raised his eyebrow. 

Rick crossed his arms above his chest. 

"Don't know. Maybe you could do that"

"I didn't" Negan shook his head negatively "he is really dead. There is noone who was a doctor and can check on your head. I gain nothing by you being like that, trust me"

"Did we...do anything like that before I hit my head?" Rick wanted to know. 

"No, we didn't. If we had earlier perhaps you wouldn't be with an injury now. I would have you in my room all day long" Negan smirked at him. 

Rick frowned at that though. Maybe his fears were correct after all. 

"So if I don't want to, you're gonna force me? I mean from your personal slave to making me have sex with you, huh?" Rick demanded. 

Negan's face transformed to anger though. 

"That's what you've been thinking? Isn't that right? You think that I'll rape you , that's why I brought you here you believe?" Negan spat at him. 

"How to know!" Rick said exasperated "you did do all that to me this morning!"

"With your permission though! Didn't seem like you had a problem. Plus wanted to relax you for a bit. I know that you're stressed out. Never said I would force myself in you. If I wanted to, you would be naked right now and all laid for me in bed!"

Rick felt his cheeks burning up. 

"I may be a lot of things, but not a rapist" Negan spat at him. "Got it?!"

Rick was still speechless though by Negan's anger. He had thought that's why he wanted him after all. 

"Rick tell me!" Negan raised his voice. 

"Fine, I believe you" Rick said ,to not anger him more. 

Negan let out an angry sound. He picked up their dishes to wash them. 

"Go take a shower" he ordered "the cabin has warm water. I'll be close by in case you faint again"

"I won't" Rick snapped at him. 

"Then you will lay down again ,fully clothed, to not think that I'm gonna attack you. Food, bed,food,bed will be your life until I can trust you" Negan said to him decisively "I saw what I wanted to see either way and wasn't impressed" he added with an evil smirk. 

Rick's mouth turned to a straight line. 

"I have some gorgeous wives waiting for me back at the Sanctuary" he continued "you're very average, even for a man. Even implying that I would sleep with you, is insulting. Just wanted to have some fun with you, that's all" 

Rick felt like he would be tearing up. He turned around and hurried to the bathroom, closing the door hard behind him with a loud noise. 

Negan let out a sigh. He knew that all his wives combined were nothing on Rick. The guy was perfect. 

Rick had gotten upset though, because firstly he believed that Negan would be forcing him into sex and secondly because he thought he was lesser than he actually was. 

Negan walked to the bathroom and pressed his ear against the door. He heard muffled cries from inside. 

Had messed up once again like he always did when it came to Rick Grimes.


	20. Chapter 20

Rick walked out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around his waist and saw Negan waiting for him at the corner with his arms crossed. 

He tightened his grip on the towel when their eyes met. 

Negan looked at him up and down. It had only been like an hour but wanted to see him naked again. Wouldn't do that without Rick wanting to though. 

"Go dress up before I attack you or something..." he said dismissively instead. 

Rick rested his head against the wall and looked down at the floor for a bit. He felt like he would be crying again. Had lost count of how many times he had cried. 

Negan gave him a light push towards the bedroom and walked away so that he could have some privacy to put pyjamas on again. 

He came back to the room about five minutes later and saw that Rick had covered himself with a blanket. 

Negan looked at the things he had brought with him and amongst them were several books. Maybe Rick would like to read something. He took them and left them at the bedside table. 

"Read these if you want" he said simply "I'm gonna go start with dinner"

Rick didn't reply but Negan was sure that he heard him. Like the prick he was though, he wouldn't say a "thank you" for giving him something to entertain himself. 

"Can I...help with dinner?" Rick drawled as Negan was about to leave. 

"Didn't go so well Rick when we had breakfast together. Want some time alone. So better stay at bed"

"Ok, as you wish" said Rick as he pouted. 

Negan felt unsure but they already had a lot of tension with Rick. Better let him calm down. 

He hoped he would like dinner. Negan was planning to make him his specialty, spaghetti. Left him alone to get started. 

Rick looked at the books and it was compelling to read one but he didn't have the mood. Closed his eyes instead to get some sleep after he had relaxed with the bath. Wished he wouldn't have any more problems with Negan for the rest of the day. 

\---

Negan walked to their room and saw Rick sleeping peacefully. Despite the fact that his head was wrapped up, he looked very calm like that. He knelt beside him at the floor and stared at him. All the worries seemed to have melted away from his face when he was asleep. Let out a sigh and shook him softly. Rick blinked his eyes and the worry returned in a matter of seconds. He flinched back from Negan's touch. 

"What?" he questioned still with sleepiness. 

Negan stood up again. 

"The dinner is ready. Thought you may wanted to eat while it is warm"

Rick gave him a slow nod. 

"Ok, I'm getting up" he agreed but he felt a wave of nausea. 

He grabbed his head to steady himself. For a minute everything around him had turned to black. 

Negan looked at him with worry as he sat at the edge of the bed. 

"Hey, are you ok?" he demanded. 

Rick took a deep breath. 

"I'm dizzy" Rick admitted. 

"Stay here. I'll bring you to eat at bed" Negan said without a second thought. 

Rick didn't complain and did as he was told. 

Negan returned after a minute with a plate full of spaghetti and red sauce. It smelled appetizing to Rick. 

"Do you want me to feed you?" Negan suggested. Rick looked pale to him after his nausea incident. 

Rick was feeling a tiredness getting to him. It wouldn't be so bad to be feeding him. Negan had seen all his vulnerable moments in one day after all. It felt too much effort right now to eat by himself. 

He swallowed his pride and agreed. 

"Sure" he said at last. 

Negan offered him a small smile. It was from the rare times that Rick admitted that he needed his help. 

"Hope you'll like them" he said to him as he took some with the fork to give it to him.

\---

Rick finished eating and thanked Negan for the dinner. It felt great to eat real food again and not canned stuff. He couldn't deny that Negan took time to cook it just for him so he had to thank him. 

"You're welcome" Negan replied pleased that Rick had eaten the food he had made "lay down again, it will help with your head"

Negan walked out of the room and sat down to eat his own spaghetti that had gotten pretty cold by now. He didn't care though. Rick came first in his mind. 

After eating he grabbed fresh bandages and went back to Rick. 

"Let me change your bandages" he said as he showed him the things he had brought. 

Rick sat up and covered himself better with the blanket as Negan moved closer to him. 

Threw the old bandages away and wrapped clean ones around his head after disinfecting his wound. 

Rick let out a pained noise at that and Negan winced as well. Didn't want to be causing him more pain than he was already feeling. 

He handed Rick a glass of water and his pill for the pain and migraines. 

"All good" Negan announced as taking care of his health was done. 

He realised that he was inches from Rick's face and Rick didn't move away from him to lay back down. 

Rick stared at him instead with his piercing blue eyes. 

"I...-" he started "I'm sorry for saying that you could, you know..." Rick mumbled. 

Negan's eyes softened at that. 

"You are scared and I went too far today. Shouldn't have. It's only natural to think that I was going to be doing that to you..." Negan let out a sigh "but I won't. I lied that you're average. You're so damn gorgeous...so so gorgeous" he said thoughtfully. 

"I am not something special" Rick murmured. 

"You are Rick" Negan said as he held his face in his hands. 

Rick looked at Negan's lips and his lips were on his before he could get himself to not do it. 

Negan kissed him as well and after some seconds he moved back. He held Rick's hand in his and gave him a light squeeze. 

"Get some rest" he said softly.


	21. Chapter 21

Negan laid next to Rick and shifted his body to look at him. The rest of their day had passed without anymore issues or arguments. Rick read a bit from one of the books that Negan had given him and Negan tidied up the things he had brought from the Sanctuary. It was important that Rick was eating real food. He needed nutritions in order to heal. Plus Negan wanted to be cooking for him. Negan had since Lucille to care for someone as much as Rick.

"Are you feeling a bit better?" Negan questioned.

"Still dizzy..." Rick drawled as he bit his lip, unsure. He hated being like that, so confused.

Negan moved closer to him.

"Can I help you somehow?" Negan asked as their eyes met.

Rick shook his head negatively.

"No..." he mumbled quietly "but want you to hold me"

Negan looked surprised by the request but wrapped his arm around him and moved himself closer to Rick.

He rested his head against Rick's and could feel the soft bandages on his skin.

"Hope we can soon get these bandages off of you for good, so you can show these beautiful curls of yours again" Negan murmured.

Rick let out a sigh. He wished that the bandages could go as well.

"You are so damn perfect" Negan said to him "don't want you to think otherwise because of my stupid words. Don't know a damn thing" he demanded as he raised his head a bit to look at Rick.

"Bet your wives are better than me though..." Rick replied in bitterness.

Negan grabbed his face gently, but decisively though.

"They are not. I want to see you naked again so bad ,but I know that you don't and I'll respect that. Don't think less of yourself..."

Rick blushed a bit and thanked the fact that it was dark enough.

"If you want to...you know what...you can have me..." Rick mumbled "I won't deny or fight you. Won't tell you afterwards that you forced me either..."

Negan stroked his cheek gently.

"You're not ready and you don't want to. Not really. To suffer and keep quiet about your pain ,will be way worse than forcing you to do it. It doesn't matter. You don't have to do anything to please me, other than being obedient to every other aspect, but not to that one"

Rick swallowed hard at that.

"Ok..." he mumbled "Can I sleep now?"

Negan's eyes softened at him.

"Of course" he said as he gave him a light kiss "close your eyes to rest. I got you"

Rick nodded and closed his eyes, obeying to Negan's words.

Negan tightened his grip around Rick. Wanted so much to take Rick's offer but he would be taking advantage of him. Should control himself and let the other man be. Had already done too much to him. Even having him like that was a big win. Should tell his mind to shut up and not do things he was gonna regret. That they were both going to regret. Rick wasn't his in every way he wanted, but he couldn't have him without him letting his guard down first.

The most difficult place to go to ,would be Rick's heart. Negan sighed to himself and closed his eyes as well to the sound of Rick's soft breathing.

\---

Rick woke up before Negan and felt himself sticky from sweat. He should go take a shower because he felt uncomfortable like that. Removed Negan's arm from him gently and stood up ,while taking his pyjamas off. He checked outside and it was quite foggy combined with a blue light as it was still between night and day. It was beautiful to look at. Rick wished that Negan would allow him to go out at some point.

He turned his back on the outside word and walked to the bathroom closing the door behind him gently. He got to the shower and turned the water to warm. It felt so good to have it run against his skin. Rick sighed to himself as he felt his muscles relaxing. His hand moved to his cock before he could contain himself. He thought of Negan stroking him last morning. Should feel embarrassed but thought how it would be like to be doing that to him every day. Came back to his senses though and let his hand drop to the side. Shouldn't give in to these thoughts. He may was his prisoner, but not his toy. Degrading himself like that was not doing him any good.

He sighed in frustration as he soaped himself until he was clean and not sticky anymore.

Rick turned off the water and went to pick the towel to dry himself off. Suddenly the door opened and Rick looked up to see Negan staring at him with wide eyes.

If he had thought that Rick was hot before, it was because he hadn't seen him like that, with water drops running down his body. His mind wandered to statues he had seen pre Apocalypse at museums portraying men in ancient times and Rick exceeded their beauty by far. He would put all of them in shame in his opinion. That naturally muscled body, these piercing blue eyes...

Negan stood frozen for a minute before he finally found his voice.

"I-I'm sorry...I was just looking for you..." he mumbled but didn't take his eyes off Rick.

Rick stood at the tub without moving or attempting to cover himself.

Negan approached him slowly as he closed the door behind him. It was pretty cold to the rest of the cabin in contrast to the warmth that the bathroom had after Rick's shower.

He knew that he should cover him up but he looked jaw dropping gorgeous all naked in front of him.

Negan looked at Rick's hardness and he was definitely turned on. He was too either way. What mattered was Rick though and not himself.

He licked his lips and his eyes met Rick's again.

"Can I?" he asked.

Rick nodded eagerly.

"Yes-" he said, out of breath.

Negan pulled Rick closer to him and took a grip on his cock. Rick's responded immediately, letting out a moan.

"You're so good Rick, so good for me" Negan praised him. "This was the best gift you could have offered me" he said as he continued stroking him ,but not too fast. Wanted to extend the moment as much as possible.

Rick was letting out small sounds as he searched for Negan's lips. He kissed him and Negan moaned as well.

"My good boy" he mumbled "soo good"

Rick felt himself getting even harder.

"Please Negan, please..." Rick whined as he trembled. 

"Tell me what you want Rick" Negan demanded as he took a more firm grip on him.

"Want you to make me cum" he sobbed out "can you...-, please..."

"I can baby, when you ask so nicely and being so well behaved for me" Negan let out. He was very pleased with Rick.

He continued stroking him and Rick was panting in front of him.

"Negan I'm close..." he moaned out.

"Hold it a bit longer for me, Rick" Negan ordered him.

Rick did as he was told and held himself.

"You are doing very well for me" Negan praised again. He knew that his denial was hard for Rick ,but wanted to prolong their moment as much as it could go. Rick was really well behaved for him,despite difficult for him ,he was doing what he had asked. Suddenly an idea popped in his mind. "I may take control of your orgasms. Let you cum only when I decide to. How would you find that?" he suggested.

"Please, please" Rick moaned desperately as he got harder thinking about that. Negan controlling when he could orgasm should be something out of a nightmare,but it was turning him on right now,the whole denial thing. 

"Cum for me Rick" Negan demanded as he saw that Rick was looking at him desperately for permission to release himself.

Rick let himself cum and his cock softened in Negan's grip.

Negan rubbed his hand across Rick's cock one more time making Rick let out a moan ,before he let go of him.

He kissed his lips once again softly and turned the water on to warm, to clean him off with gentle movements. 

Looked up and to his surprise he saw Rick offering him a small smile. He felt relief that the other man wasn't upset. It couldn't be easy to be so intimate with the guy that had imprisoned him. Thankfully he seemed calm with what they had just done. Although the idea to take control of Rick's orgasms was very appealing to Negan. He put it aside to think about later though. 

"Let's dry you off, don't want you to catch a cold or something" Negan smirked at him as he turned the water off. 

"Okay" Rick said as he let him do what he wanted to him. He was in an admittedly good mood. Never had imagined he could do that, but here he was ,naked in the shower and at Negan's mercy. 

Rick got out of the tub and Negan gave him a fresh pair of pyjamas, because the other ones were sweaty. 

Negan tucked him to bed and covered him with the bed covers to keep him warm as he fixed the pillows for his injured head. 

"Lay here to relax" Negan grinned down at him "I'll go make us breakfast..." 

Rick agreed and felt a warmth spreading inside of him for the first time since he had been forcefully brought to that cabin and in general since Negan announced that he would be his prisoner.

Negan leaned in to kiss him once again and let out a soft chuckle at Rick kissing him back pretty passionately. This had to be his best day after years. He felt happy, like really happy. He hadn't felt like that in ages. 

He turned around to go make them some breakfast and smirked when he saw Rick looking at him while he was walking away.


	22. Chapter 22

Carl and Daryl heard screams coming from outside Rick's house. It was a cold foggy day and they had both been miserable after Carl had discovered that his Dad was amnesiac and at Negan's mercy. Dwight had told him that there was nothing they could do yet to help him, but Carl was desperate to get him out of that damned place. With the proper treatment and being around them, he would remember. He was sure that he would. Up to that point, they were still under surveillance by Negan's men. Things had been pretty calm though, until now that someone could be heard screaming. 

They ran outside and saw that many others had gotten out of their houses to see what was going on. Carl's eye widened as he saw a just twelve years old girl getting dragged violently by one of Negan's men. She was absolutely terrified and was sobbing hard. 

"Well, well" Carl heard Simon saying and felt his blood boiling with anger "What do we have here?" he questioned, as he looked at the sobbing girl. 

"She was found at the truck that had the supplies for the Sanctuary, sir. Stealing things" the guy who was holding her said as he shook her non too gently. 

Simon smirked evilly. 

"Is that right? Alexandria is growing up thieves and criminals as it seems"

Carl and Daryl looked at each other as they frowned. What the hell was that show of power? 

"You know what happens to thieves?" Simon questioned as the girl shook her head in denial. She was already very scared. "They get punished, so that other possible thieves will see it and stop before doing the same things"

"Please Sir!" she sobbed out "my mother is sick. My father had gotten bit. We wanted supplies, me and my mother are starving" the girl begged as tears were rolling down her cheeks. 

"Why should I care little thief?" Simon demanded. "Stealing is still stealing"

Carl couldn't stand watching that any longer. 

"Let her go!" he ordered as he stepped forward "if Negan wants someone to work for him, I volunteer. Let the girl go, she didn't do you anything wrong"

"What?!" Daryl whispered shouted next to him. He felt really bad as well, but Negan getting his hands on Carl again ,just wasn't a solution. 

Simon grinned at him evilly. 

"Not interested in prisoners kid" he said keeping his grin "the punishment is happening right here in front of everyone to see"

Carl swallowed hard at that. 

"Punish me in her place" he said. He wouldn't see a little girl get beaten up or whatever else Simon was thinking of. 

The girl was still sobbing quietly as she was realising what her actions had caused. 

"Ok then. If you want to sacrifice yourself for that little thief..." Simon drawled "Twenty lashes is the punishment"

Everyone's eyes widened. What the hell was that? The Medieval times? 

Carl felt his eye stinging and looked at the terrified girl again. He couldn't let her go through that. 

"I'll take it" he said, trying hard to keep his voice steady. 

He started walking towards Simon who was looking pleased when Daryl grabbed him by the arm. 

"Like hell you are" he growled "I will take the girl's place" Daryl announced. They were both kids. He could take the pain.

Carl wanted to protest but Daryl's glare made him stay in place. 

"We have many Robin Hoods as it seems" Simon said in a mocking tone as Daryl walked closer to him. 

He ordered two men to grab him by the arms. 

"Let the girl go" Daryl demanded. 

Simon smirked at him but nodded for the girl to be let go. Michonne gave the terrified girl a hug and looked at Daryl with pain in her eyes. He motioned her to take the girl away from there. Didn't want her to see that. 

They got Daryl on his knees and removed his shirt with force. 

His back was turned on Simon who had a whip in hand and was ready to use it. 

"This is what will happen to anyone who doesn't do what we say or goes stealing like that girl. No exceptions" he announced. 

Carl felt his one eye stinging when he heard Daryl's cries and hot tears started rolling down his face as well. 

Negan and Simon were dead men. That was his promise to himself. 

When the punishment was done, the two men let go of Daryl who collapsed to the ground. 

Carl ran to him and saw the terrible scars that were now at Daryl's back. 

He supported him as he helped him up to take him to his father's house. 

"Go back to work!" Simon ordered the shocked Alexandrians who had stood frozen in their places.


	23. Chapter 23

"Are you a Master Chef?" Rick asked as he tasted the crepes with marmalade that Negan had made. 

Negan chuckled at that. 

"Nah, just like cooking" he smiled at Rick "want you to be eating well"

"I am" Rick laughed softly "I'll gain weight if you continue making so delicious things"

Negan looked at him warmly. 

"I like it when you laugh" he observed and Rick blushed a bit. 

"Thank you" Rick replied despite his blush. "I like seeing that side of you as well and not the tyrant one..."

Negan pouted at the "tyrant" part. 

"Come on, I'm not that bad..." he drawled and Rick rolled his eyes at that. 

"You had told me that I'm not allowed to even talk" Rick observed as he bit his lip in a grumbling way. 

"You're not the easiest person to deal with" Negan replied "but so am I, so yeah, we are both difficult" he let out a sigh. 

Rick looked lost in his own thoughts. 

"Are you ok? Was I too hard on you before..?" Negan questioned hesitantly as he grabbed Rick's hand in his. 

Rick snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Negan. 

"No, you did nothing that harmed me in any way. I'm just...messed up. It's me, not you"

Negan stood up from his chair and knelt in front of Rick. 

"Hey, you are not messed up" he said gently. "You are going through something tough. It's normal to be confused and frustrated. You have to talk to me from now and on. Don't want you to hide when you feel like crying. We are gonna get through this together"

Rick felt his eyes stinging and tears threatened to fall from his eyes. 

"Eat the rest of your crepe" Negan demanded "I didn't make them so you could cry above them, you prick" he added jokingly. 

Rick let out a chuckle at that and nodded. 

"There you go" Negan said as he gave him a quick kiss and returned to his own chair. 

"If you eat your whole breakfast, like you should, in order to heal, I'm gonna take you out" Negan grinned at him. 

"Really?" Rick questioned, in surprise. 

"Yes" Negan replied as he nodded "so another motivation for you to eat"

\---

"Here you go" Negan said as he looked at Rick. He had forced him to dress up warmly and had put on a knit cap over Rick's bandages. The month may was only October ,but the weather had gotten pretty cold. Especially his head needed to be protected. 

As much as Negan loved seeing him naked, he loved seeing Rick dressed up ,as well. Even if he had made him wear warm clothes, it was impossible for Rick to not look good. He put on his leather jacket as well and smiled at Rick, who was looking at him. 

Negan opened the door of the cabin and Rick stepped hesitantly beside him. He felt the cold air but he was protected. Rick closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Negan just stared at him. Even when doing the simplest of things, he felt mesmerised by the other man. 

Rick opened his eyes again and looked at Negan. 

"So... Where are we going?" he questioned. 

"There is a river close by. Think you may like it..." Negan told him. 

"Ok, let's go then" Rick replied. Negan was thankful that he didn't make a move to escape, now that they were outside. 

He wrapped his arm over Rick's shoulders and held him close to him for warmth as they began walking. 

They stayed mostly in silence as Rick looked around him at the nature. He felt great to be out again if it was with surveillance, although discrete. Negan wasn't panicking once again that he would escape, so that was good. 

Rick and Negan eventually reached their destination and Rick saw a big river running with force in front of them surrounded by big trees on each side. They could also hear bird sounds. 

They sat down at some big rocks and took in the peacefulness of the place. 

Rick was a bit stiff at first but he gradually felt himself relaxing. Negan seemed to do the same next to him. 

"Thanks..." Rick started "for bringing me here. It is great"

Negan offered him a smile. 

"You're welcome" he replied and held him close to him again as Rick rested his injured head on his shoulder. 

"Are you tired of taking care of me?" Rick asked out of sudden. 

Negan let out a sigh. Didn't want Rick to think of himself as a burden. 

He looked him in his blue eyes. 

"I'm not ,Rick. Wish I could bring the best doctors to examine you. I'll do my best though to help you myself"

Rick kissed him softly and Negan responded to it. 

"You are gonna be ok in the end" he mumbled in between kisses "I know that you will"

The only sounds that could be heard were those of the river and the birds. 

Rick gave him a hug as he continued kissing him softly. 

He felt all his worries melting away when they were like that. 

Just the two of them.


	24. Chapter 24

"I am gonna kill them both!" Carl growled. Michonne had come to Rick's house as well and was taking care of Daryl's whipped back. 

"They are monsters" Michonne said as she still couldn't believe what they had done. Not to mention that they would whip two kids. Daryl had sacrificed himself and was in terrible pain right now. 

She helped Daryl lay down who let out whimpers of pain. 

"Shhh" Michonne tried to comfort him "sleep a bit. I'm gonna take care of you" 

Daryl closed his eyes and tried to get some rest despite the big pain that he was in. 

Judith was sleeping thankfully as well, so she could stay by his side. The wounds would take time to heal especially since they didn't have anything from medicines and creams to speed up the healing process. 

Michonne looked at Carl with hooded eyes. 

"People won't make it Carl...a lot are already desperate" she sobbed out "if the Saviors don't end up killing us eventually, some may kill themselves. We are not living anymore. First we thought there was a way to be free of them at last ,but now things are so much worse..."

Carl walked to her and put his hand on her shoulder. 

"I'm gonna free us, I promise" he told her seriously "we won't be like that forever. They will pay, every single one of them"

Michonne stood up and gave him a hug. 

"Thank you for giving me courage Carl. We are gonna need it"

Carl hugged her back and his mind was already thinking of ways to get rid of them once and for all. 

Especially Negan and Simon. Their end would give him so much satisfaction. Making his father an amnesiac and keeping him hostage, enslaving them all, almost whipping a poor little girl...Enough was enough. That's all he knew. 

That night he would be sneaking out of there. The change wouldn't happen with Negan's men patrolling around and threatening to shoot at them if they disobeyed. 

Carl walked to his father's room and pulled a loose wooden plank from the floor. He left it to the side and pulled out his father's python. Had found it under the mess of their kitchen and he had hid it. He checked the bullets and it had a lot still inside. 

Repositioned the plank to the floor and removed the gun's safe to test it. 

Negan and Simon had no idea what he was capable of. They would be finding out soon though. 

He looked at a picture of him, his dad and his mother, Lori. They looked so happy there. 

"I am gonna bring you back Dad" Carl whispered ,as a tear rolled down his cheek. 

\---

Rick and Negan returned from their walk with the promise that they would be going out again. Maybe take the car and go even further. Wanted Rick to be having a good time despite his injury. 

Negan closed the door behind them as they entered the cabin and looked at Rick whose cheeks had turned to a light red color from the cold. 

"Are you ok?" Negan questioned. 

"Yeah, I'm good. Thank you for doing that for me" Rick smiled at him. 

"You're welcome" Negan responded softly as he gave him a hug "go rest and I'll make us a soup to warm you up" he said with a smirk. 

"Actually..." Rick drawled "there are other ways to warm up as well" he told him suggestively. 

Negan grinned at Rick's words. He absolutely adored that guy. 

"Like...?" he asked with a smirk. 

"Well...like kissing, having a bath together, maybe cuddling..." Rick responded casually. 

Negan looked at him intensely as he smiled brightly. 

"The soup can wait then" he announced as he leaned in to kiss him. Couldn't get enough of him. 

He started removing Rick's clothes always aware of his head and he took off the knit cap as well. Wished his injury would heal so he could see those perfect curls that Rick had again. But the rest of Rick was available for him to watch as much as he wanted, so he couldn't complain. 

When he was done taking his clothes off , Rick looked at him expectantly. He could see Rick's want in his blue eyes. Negan removed his own clothes as well without a second thought. 

Took Rick's hand and led him to the bathroom. He turned on the water to warm and started soaping him. 

"Damn Rick" Negan let out "you are so gorgeous baby. So hot" he mumbled. 

Rick let out some moans as Negan kissed his neck.

"It's so tempting to keep you here all day long" he said and felt Rick getting hard again. He loved Negan's dominant tone. "Make you cum over and over again" Negan added. 

"Can I make you cum instead?" Rick requested. He wanted to do something for him as well. 

Negan's eyes widened at that. He had thought of that ,but didn't think that Rick would do it.

"You don't have to" Negan told him as he shook his head. 

"What if I want to though?" Rick questioned as he got on his knees in front of him. Negan swallowed hard at that view. 

"Will be gentle then, don't want you to feel uncomfortable" Negan said breathlessly. 

Rick opened his mouth and took Negan's cock without second thinking it. 

Wanted to give him something in return. 

Negan felt Rick's warm mouth wrapping around his cock and he thought that he wouldn't be able to control himself. 

Rick sucked him harder and Negan rested his hand on top of Rick's head, patting him lightly. 

"So good Rick" Negan moaned out as Rick licked him as well. 

Negan couldn't hold himself any longer and cummed in Rick's mouth. Rick made a choking sound ,but swallowed it all. 

He smirked up at him. 

Negan helped him back to his feet and cornered him against the bathroom's wall. 

He grabbed Rick's cock in his palm and started stroking him at a comfortable pace. 

Rick let out some cries and Negan kissed him for comfort. 

"Who do you belong to?" Negan questioned in his ear. 

"You, Negan. I belong to you. Just please...-" Rick begged him.

"Hold yourself for me" he demanded as he continued stroking him. "I say when you get to orgasm"

Rick felt a bit frustrated but also loved what Negan was doing to him. 

Negan grabbed his ass with his one hand and Rick let out some more moans. 

"Please Negan..." Rick repeated. 

"Ask me the question Rick" Negan ordered him. 

"Can I cum, Sir?" Rick asked and Negan almost let him do it as he was getting hard again at these words. 

"No, hold on for me a bit longer" he requested. 

Rick tried his hardest to make him satisfied. 

"Cum, Rick" he ordered when he was pleased enough and Rick did so, hard. 

Negan gave him some more light strokes and he kissed him once again. 

"You did so good for me" he praised Rick "so good..."

Rick smiled at him despite his tiredness. 

"Let's wash up now" Negan smirked as he soaped his hands. 

\---

Negan laid Rick to bed and covered them both. They had dried off, but didn't get dressed.

Rick let himself explore Negan's body. He wanted to touch every part of him. Get to know it. 

Negan stayed still and let him do what he wanted. 

He grabbed his cock again and Negan was still sensitive, but allowed Rick to touch him. 

It was super hot to have the other man take control of him. 

Rick explored Negan's entrance, making him moan loudly. 

He started moving his finger in and out of Negan as he kept moaning. Negan spread his legs further to give him a better access. 

Soon Negan was soaking wet and pleading for Rick. He knew that they didn't say anything about fucking, but it seemed like they both wanted it. 

Rick positioned himself on top of him and pushed his dick slowly inside of Negan. 

Negan had always imagined that it would be himself fucking Rick, but he preferred it that way, actually. Rick felt amazing inside of him. 

Rick started moving in and out of him carefully to not hurt him and Negan kept moaning.

"Rick...-" he cried out. 

Rick felt Negan's insides contracting as he cummed once again. He smiled down at Negan and removed himself from his entrance. 

Negan helped Rick lay back down and kept him there with his arm wrapped around his body. He smiled to himself. 

"You were right. Feel very warmed up now" he said as they both laughed.

"See?" Rick asked with a smile. 

"I'm in love with you Rick" Negan admitted as he looked at him. 

Rick's eyes widened when he heard that. 

"You mean it?" he asked as he felt like Negan admitting to love him was a joke or something. He had been very strict with him after all. 

Negan moved himself so that he was on top of Rick.

"I do, you prick" he said seriously "Not because of this" Negan pointed between them "although it's amazing as well, but I love you more. Not this. It's nothing without you. You make it special"

Rick swallowed as he looked up at him. 

"So, I'm not just an amnesiac prisoner for you?" Rick questioned as he bit his lip. 

Negan touched his face and kissed him gently. 

"You could never be "just a prisoner" Rick...That's the truth ,despite trying to convince myself otherwise. The amnesiac part will get fixed, you need time" Negan told him quietly and gave him a sad but soft smile.

"Hope so..." Rick mumbled as he stared at Negan's warm ,hazel eyes. "Are you...gonna hurt me when and if I remember?" he questioned like a deer caught in the headlights. 

Negan felt like someone had stabbed him with a knife. He couldn't even think of hurting Rick anymore. It made him feel sick. 

"I won't and don't want you to say that again. I am gonna deal with it, not harm you" Negan said and he meant it.

Rick felt some relief at that. He couldn't forget that he stil belonged to Negan and that if he wanted to, he could harm him. 

Negan saw Rick's hesitation to say something and thought to let him rest. Should go cook after all. 

"Don't worry about anything. I'm gonna take good care of you" Negan reassured him "bet you are tired. Sleep for a bit and I'll go make dinner"

Rick nodded and Negan stood up to put his clothes back on. He gave Rick his pyjamas but he was too tired to even put them on. Negan let out a soft chuckle and with one last glare, he left him alone to go cook the soup he'd promised.


	25. Chapter 25

Negan sighed to himself as he started making them dinner. What was he doing? He had let himself get influenced by their thing with Rick. If he remembered , then what? Was he really sure that Rick would want to be with him? He wasn't. If he wanted to be let go, would he force him to stay with him? What about their communities? 

Rick had already seen many sides of his personality either way, but he didn't remember what had happened between them. These things had made Rick hate him to begin with. He didn't bullshit him when he said that he wouldn't hurt him but then again the moment Rick would remember what he had done to him, their thing would be over...most likely.

He was very serious that he had developed feelings for him, but how would Rick see that? If someone examined what he had done from an outside point of view, he would get imprisonment, threats, not letting him see his kids and countless other things...so yeah, it definitely wasn't looking good. He didn't think there was a turning back though. Rick could never be the "enemy" for him again.

After all that they had done. He was very screwed now that he was thinking about it. Rick was still with amnesia though so at least he could have him for now, despite knowing that this was a pretty crappy way of thinking.

Sooner or later he would have to return to the Sanctuary as well. He was barely thinking of that though. Alexandrians may as well had rebelled against them by now but he just didn't care. Not anymore. What he wanted was to have Rick all to himself. He thought about their steamy moments at the bathroom and felt himself getting hard again. 

Rick was doing everything he could to make him happy and what was his "thank you"? Lying to him basically. He kept staring at the boiling soup but he wasn't even paying that much attention. Wanted to open a hole to the ground and never come out again with what he had done. Snapped out of his thoughts when he heard steps behind him. 

He turned around and saw Rick who had put on pyjamas and had a smirk on his face. Felt his worries melting away just like that. 

"Hey" Negan smiled at him as he leaned in to kiss him "slept well?" he asked. Rick looked healthier by now. Not so pale any longer and color had returned to his cheeks. He looked adorable to him. 

"Yeah" Rick nodded in agreement "was pretty tired before..." he drawled cheekily. 

Negan gave him a smirk as he turned off the hot plate and removed their soup from it. He left it to the side and focused on Rick. 

"What?" Rick questioned as he saw Negan looking at him. 

Negan let out a sigh. 

"Nothing ermm- was just wondering if you are happy, you know, with me..." he said hesitantly. 

"I'm not" Rick said seriously "I'm looking for an opportunity to escape ,actually"

Negan felt hurt at that. He turned his back on Rick as he got moody. 

Rick let out a chuckle though and grabbed him by the arm. 

"Are you an idiot?" he questioned. 

Negan frowned at him. 

"I am happy, you asshole" Rick told him as he offered Negan a smile "there are no handcuffs that could hold me from leaving you if I wanted to, I'm pretty stubborn. But I'm not staying with you because of locks or you being such a secretive person. Yes ,you may be a control freak, I get that, but I am alive and it's because of you"

Negan gave him a tight hug and started sobbing. 

"I am sorry" he sobbed out. 

"What for?" Rick asked as he tried to soothe him. 

"Just...in general" he said, as he let out some sniffles. 

"When you become specific ,I'll accept it then" Rick told him and Negan let out a small chuckle. 

He took a step back and cleared his eyes with his palm. 

"Let's eat now and then I'll cuddle you. You're my personal cuddling person from now and on" Rick announced with a smirk "you should feel honoured"

Negan pulled out two dishes and laughed at that. He couldn't say no to cuddling. 

"I feel" he said with a nod. Felt more light when he sat down opposite from Rick so that they could eat. 

\---

Their cuddling session turned into getting it on again but Negan couldn't complain. Rick let him take control and was now a hot mess beneath him. 

"Rick" Negan moaned out as he kissed him passionately "so good for me. Every single time you are..."

Rick felt himself tensing up as Negan pushed his dick inside of him. He let out sounds of pleasure. 

"Negan please..." Rick cried out. 

"Shh..." Negan responded "you're doing so well...so well"

Negan didn't think he could ever get tired of Rick. He had realised that the guy was special since he saw him kneeling in front of him, at the line up. Didn't know to what extent though ,back then. 

The night had rolled in outside by now. That day had to be considered one of Negan's best days of his whole life. Despite his fears for the future, he was gonna enjoy every moment he could spend with Rick. He just had to. 

He allowed Rick to release himself and they both laid next to each other, pretty breathless. 

"I may get these handcuffs out, if you're into these kind of things..." Negan offered with a grin. 

Rick went to smile back at Negan and how kinky he was ,when suddenly he let out a gasp. 

He grabbed his head and lost contact with his environment. 

Instead he was at a car. A sherrif's car in fact. 

Rick looked down at himself and he was wearing a uniform. His eyes widened and as he looked up he saw another guy with a uniform looking at him. He had brown hair and eyes. Looked very familiar but couldn't remember who that was. 

"How is my daughter doing Rick?" he questioned with a smirk as he grabbed a burger from his lap and took a bite, showing off to him. 

Suddenly both that guy and the car vanished from his eyes. 

"Rick! Rick!" he heard Negan demanding with concern next to him. 

Rick snapped and looked at him. 

He knew that guy he had seen. Was sure of it. This was a flashback or something like a vision if he had to bet. 

Who was that man's daughter and how could he know how she was? 

The question was asked like Rick knew exactly how that man's kid was and not like he didn't know her at all... 

Very weird. Very weird, indeed.

"I am ok" he said to Negan who was still looking at him with worry. 

"I am changing your bandages" Negan announced as he stood up and put his pyjamas back on in a hurry "then you will get a painkiller. ASAP."

Rick nodded, but in a mechanic sort of way. Had a bad feeling inside of him out of sudden.


	26. Chapter 26

"You scared me, you prick" Negan said with worry as he helped Rick lay back down and gave him a hug. 

Rick let out a sigh as he felt his wrapped up head. What was that he had seen? 

"I am fine" Rick answered eventually "don't worry about me. Stop calling me "prick" also..." he whined "it reminds me of the first days at the Sanctuary. My name is Rick"

Negan smirked at him. 

"Fine, I'll find you another nickname" he said just to annoy him a bit. 

Rick let out an exasperated sigh. Negan was capable to rename him in the end. 

"Seriously though, if something else happens or you have pain, want you to wake me up. Promise?" Negan questioned him. 

"I don't need a babysitter..." Rick pointed out "How did I hit my head exactly?" he asked as he looked at Negan right square in the eyes. 

Negan swallowed dryly at that. 

"Don't know" he said instead of the truth "found you and decided to take you"

Rick didn't seem convinced though. 

"You said that I had done something to you. So how you "just" found me?"

"We did know each other" Negan tried to explain "meant that you had already hit your head when I found you. You were unconscious so thought to take you"

"That kid that was calling me "Dad"? Who was it?" Rick asked as he couldn't understand. 

"Yeah we have that kid at the Sanctuary. He lost his father and I took him in, felt pity for him. Now he is calling most males he sees " Dad". Don't take it seriously. Just a pained kid..."

Rick frowned at him. 

"I want to have a word with that kid when we go back to your compound" he said instead and Negan felt the pressure of lying. 

"I wouldn't bother if I was you, but since you want to..."

"Yeah, actually I would like that a lot" Rick replied with determination. 

"Deal then..." Negan mumbled "Can we sleep now?" 

"Ok..." Rick agreed reluctantly. Wanted to ask more questions but Negan seemed determined to avoid them. 

Negan switched his bedside light off and gave him a soft kiss. 

"Don't stress yourself" he said to him as he kissed him for good night. 

Rick kissed him back but something felt wrong to him. Couldn't pinpoint what exactly. When Negan wanted to avoid telling him something though, it was very easy for him. 

Many things that Negan had told him about the relationship between them and his own injury, didn't make sense at all. 

Negan fell asleep next to him and Rick looked at him as he let out a sigh. 

Had to find out what had really happened to him but didn't think that Negan would be talking. He would have done it until now after all. 

Now that he was a bit better and also had more freedom, he would try to discover the truth. 

As for Negan, he definitely felt things for him, there was no denying it but if he was keeping such important things from him, didn't know how that "thing" between them could develop. 

Rick took a deep breath and closed his eyes as well to get some much needed rest.


	27. Chapter 27

Carl waited until night to sneak out. He would be going to the Sanctuary, kill Negan and get his dad back. Only that mattered to him. He wouldn't allow Judith to grow up without Rick. In the past he had spent too much time with Rick not being there with him and it had caused him a lot of pain. Didn't want Judith to go through the same things. He didn't say anything to Michonne and Daryl who was still in a bad condition about where he would be going, because if it was realised he had gone missing, they would pay the price. He wished not. Sneaking into the Sanctuary wouldn't be easy, but it was better doing it at night to be as invisible as possible. 

"You saw that kid today?" he heard one of Negan's men asking. It was their usual patrol to keep them locked up inside their houses. 

"Yeah man" another one replied "that damned little thief"

Carl let out a growl at their talk but had to get out of there. He grabbed the python tighter in his grip and moved on ,hiding behind walls and houses to stay hidden. He eventually reached the back side of Alexandria. Had noticed that they barely went there. Thought to guard mostly where the houses where. Carl sighed to himself and got ready to climb up the walls when suddenly someone grabbed him by the arm. He raised the gun getting ready to shoot his intruder when he saw Dwight. 

"Saw you and followed you" Dwight explained "what are you doing kid?"

"I am leaving. Have to get my dad back" Carl replied. Wished that Dwight wouldn't stop him from going out. 

"They are not at the Sanctuary" Dwight said to him which was news for Carl. 

"What do you mean? Where are they if not at the the Sanctuary?" he asked in confusion. 

"Informed only some of his men that he would be staying at a cabin. He has Rick with him as well. So they are there now"

Carl felt desperate at the news. His Dad and Negan were alone together at a cabin? He could may as well be torturing him. 

"Where is that cabin?" Carl asked "have to take him Dwight, just please..."

Dwight looked at the ground not knowing what to do. If someone saw him taking the kid out there, he would be a dead man. It was forbidden for Alexandrians to be going out on their own unless it was for supply runs. But Negan's men were going with them to make sure they wouldn't escape. 

"Fine, I'll take you there. But I'm leaving you and go. If Negan finds out I took you to him, he will be mad and very likely he will kill me"

"Yes of course Dwight. Just leave me there and let me take on the rest"

Dwight nodded reluctantly. It was very dangerous what Carl wanted. But he would be helping him either way. 

\---  
Negan woke up before Rick at the morning and stood up with a yawn. Rick was still sleeping to his side of the bed. He knew that the other man didn't fall for what he'd told him last night, but he just couldn't bring himself to say the truth. Everything would be ruined in his mind when Rick would be finding out about their past and what he had done. So he was determined to keep it to himself. At least for now. 

He sighed as he walked to the kitchen to make them something for breakfast. Had just entered when he froze at the entrance. Carl was there and was pointing a gun at him. He looked pretty angry to him. 

Carl stood up from his chair and pointed at him to move and sit down. Negan realised that he was holding Rick's gun. Had forgotten to take it from their kitchen and now here they were. 

He sat down as instructed and looked at Carl. 

"Who told you where I am?" he questioned because he was so punishing whoever did that. 

"Doesn't matter" Carl replied as he gave him the stink eye once again "what matters is that this cabin is where you die" 

"So you're gonna kill me?" Negan asked as Carl continued pointing the gun at him "just like that?"

"Exactly just like that!" Carl spat out "you enslaved us, took my dad from me, not to mention previous things you did..."

"Put the gun down kid. You have no idea what you're doing. Let's say you kill me. Think that my men will let that pass? That you'll be a happy little family again? Your Dad has amnesia and it doesn't look like he will recover anytime soon. I offer him protection-"

"From you he needs the protection!" Carl snapped at Negan. 

Rick appeared from behind Carl's back and his eyes widened when he took in the sight in front of him. 

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded. 

Carl's eye softened when he saw his Dad again. 

"I know that you don't remember, but you're my father" Carl told him. 

Rick looked from him to Negan and back at him. That was the kid from the Sanctuary that had supposedly lost his father ,according to Negan. Now he was saying that he was his father specifically. 

"Is that true?" Rick questioned Negan who was still at gunpoint. 

Negan sighed in frustration. 

"It is" he admitted at last "that one eyed kid you see, is yours"

"Enough with the talking Negan" Carl told him coldly as he removed the safe from the gun "this is where you die"

Rick on the other hand felt like he was panicking. He felt anger that Negan had bluntly lied to him, but didn't want him to die either. He moved himself in front of the gun. 

Carl's face transformed to surprise. 

"Dad what are yo-?"

"Don't kill him. Please. I will do whatever you want. If you really are my son, please do that for me" Rick pleaded him. 

Negan felt his eyes stinging that Rick was defending him even after finding out that he had been lying to him. 

Carl looked past his father and saw Negan looking down at the floor like he was ashamed or something. 

"We will be tying him up and then I'm taking you out of here" Carl said decisively. 

Rick glared at Negan with disappointment as he turned his back on them to go find these handcuffs. 

He had never felt like someone had failed him so much before and it just hurt a lot. 


	28. Chapter 28

Carl tied Negan to the bed post like he had with Rick. Negan looked at him in anger, but there was nothing he could do about it. The kid could οpen fire at him. 

"Are you gonna let me starve?" he questioned Carl. 

"Not my problem" Carl answered coldly "you brought it to yourself. I am taking my dad away from you. You stay here and think about what you did. Oh and I'm also taking the car"

"You understand that I won't let that pass of course" Negan spat out. "Enjoy your little rebellion as much as possible because it won't last!"

Carl turned his back on him though. Rick stood uncertain by the door. 

"Dad..." Carl mumbled. 

"Give us a moment, please" Rick said to him. 

Carl nodded and left ,after giving Negan a cold glare once again. 

Rick walked closer to Negan and looked at him with a frown. 

"You lied to me despite the fact that I gave you a chance to say the truth. Had countless opportunities to tell me. Can't wait to find out what really happened to me. Although I'm sure I ain't gonna like it"

Negan sighed as he glared up at him. 

"Yes, I lied. But what I'm feeling for you ain't a lie. What you felt wasn't either. Don't leave me here..." Negan begged him. 

"We are done Negan. There are no feelings involved for me. You may die here or we might see each other again. I will be ready for it. I have a family, you have nothing. That's exactly why you're gonna lose. Leave me alone at last!" Rick responded coldly. 

Negan looked at him and felt his heart breaking into tiny little pieces. 

"You are pissed off right now, but give me one more chance Rick, just please..."

"I'm leaving" Rick announced. "Find another toy to play with if you get out of here somehow. I'm done with your crap. You dared to lecture me about obedience" Rick scoffed. 

"Said that I was sorry" Negan tried to explain himself "shouldn't have treated you like that at the Sanctuary..."

Rick didn't reply and walked out of the room. Negan watched him helplessly walk away and there was nothing he could do to stop him. 

Carl saw his dad and he had a sore look on his face. 

"Let's go..." Carl mumbled at him and Rick nodded. 

Negan laid his head down at the bed and let himself sob. Had messed up big time. Now Rick was gone, taken away from him. Not only that but he was tied up to the bed. Had to get himself together and see how he would get free, but he couldn't get out of his head what Rick had said to him. Knew that he had failed the other man by lying to him and doing everything else but he would have left him either way. He had to get his hands on him again. That was the only way. Make him talk things out between them. Just wasn't ready to let Rick go free. 

He sighed to himself and sat up. Looked around and saw his backpack some meters away. If he stretched his legs out enough he could get it perhaps. He had a walkie talkie inside in case of need and that was definitely a need. He tried his hardest to reach it with his leg and eventually he did as he slowly dragged it towards him. 

Got the walkie talkie out and radioed the Sanctuary. 

"Sir?" he heard one of his men asking. 

"I need someone to come to the cabin. I'm handcuffed right now. Tell to start driving immediately" he ordered. 

"Of course Sir" the guy responded to the order. "In an hour they will be there"

Negan left the walkie talkie beside him and looked at the ceiling as he laid back down. He would make a mess of Alexandria to get Rick back. They would talk about everything and then keep him at the Sanctuary. Sooner or later he would get through his anger and fall for him eventually. Despite Rick denying it, Negan knew that he had feelings for him as he had for Rick. He wouldn't allow anyone to ruin his happiness again.


	29. Chapter 29

Carl started driving and he saw his dad looking at the passing greenery with an unreadable expression. 

"What did he do to you?" he questioned as he felt sadness overtaking him. 

Rick turned to look at him and didn't want to say what he'd been through with Negan. Not the bad, but not the good either. 

"Doesn't matter..." he said instead "so, you're my son?"

Carl felt like he would be tearing up. He stopped the car by the side so that they could talk. Made sure that it was hidden from the main road. 

"You really don't remember anything?" Carl asked him in bitterness. 

Rick let out a sigh. 

"No, I don't. Only bits and pieces. Negan executed two people, right?"

Carl nodded hesitantly. 

"He did. Their names were Glenn and Abraham. They were our friends. He bashed their heads in with his murder weapon, Lucille"

"Why he did that?"

"We attacked an outpost of his, killed his people that were there. Did that because you had heard that the Saviors would be a threat. When they caught us, Negan wanted revenge. After that, he enslaved us basically. Wanted tribute, supplies, every couple of weeks or he would kill us all. He made you hit your head"

Rick's eyes widened at what he was hearing. 

"How?"

"We had orchestrated a plan to rebel against him. He found out though and bombarded most of the houses of our community, Alexandria. You and him were alone at out house and bet you had a fight. He kicked you out of the window and you must have hurt your head from the fall. Then he kidnapped you. You know the rest..." Carl explained. 

Rick touched his wrapped up head. The same one that Negan had been taking care of ,all these days. He felt disgusted by himself that he had let Negan come closer to him. After everything he had done to him and his family. 

"You have a daughter as well" Carl told him "my little sister. She is just a toddler and her name is Judith"

Rick started sobbing. He felt so frustrated. 

"I don't remember..." he said in despair. 

Carl hugged him tightly. 

"You will dad. Give it time. Don't give up now...please..."

Suddenly they heard growls at a short distance and someone yelling. 

Rick and Carl exchanged worried looks and got out of the car in a hurry. They ran towards the sound and saw a man fallen to the ground with Walkers ready to attack them. Carl didn't hesitate and shot at them. 

The man tried to catch his breath as he stood up and turned to look at them. He seemed roughed up but ok. 

Carl's eye widened. He had seen that person again. His father had shot above his head some weeks ago. 

"Hey, don't be afraid" he pleaded as he put his hands up to show that he was not a threat "I am Carl. This is my Dad, Rick Grimes"

"You had fired at me" the man said as he recognised them. 

"They were warning shots, didn't want to kill you. What's your name?"

The man looked at the both of them. Didn't know if he should trust them. 

"I'm Siddiq" he said hesitantly. 

Carl reached to his backpack and got out a wrapped up sandwich and a bottle of water. 

"Food and water?" he asked as he showed them to him. 

"Why?" Siddiq questioned, unsure. 

"My mom told me that you got to do what's right" Carl said thoughtfully as Rick looked at him. That kid was so mature for his age.

Carl threw the things at him to not scare him by approaching closer and Siddiq hurried to get them as he started eating fast. He was starving. 

"Thank you" he said to Carl. 

"Look we have a community" Carl said "but I'm gonna need to ask you a few questions first if you're gonna come with us. I need you to answer honestly okay?"

"Okay..." Siddiq answered. 

"How many Walkers have you killed? I know it's hard to keep trac-"

"337" Siddiq said to him. 

"Really?" Carl asked surprised of the so precise answer. 

"Give or take a couple..." he said as he looked at the dead Walkers. 

"How many people have you killed?"

"One" Siddiq replied with a sore expression. 

"Why?" Carl questioned. 

"The dead tried to kill him, but they didn't" he answered. 

Carl exhanged a glare with his Dad. 

"I make Walker traps" Siddiq told them "that's how I killed so many"

"Why you do that?" 

"My mom thought or hoped that killing them would free their souls. You know maybe...she was right"

"Doing that doesn't make things harder for you while you're trying to survive?" Carl asked. 

"I don't know why..." Siddiq said "but you gotta honor your parents ,right?"

Carl offered him a smile. 

"If I was not honoring my dad we wouldn't be talking right now. I definitely wouldn't bring you back to my community"

Rick offered him a proud smile. He may didn't remember his own kid but he felt so proud of him at that moment. 

Siddiq looked at Rick's wrapped up head. 

"You are hurt" he realised. 

Carl and Rick looked at him. 

"He has hit his head" Carl answered "is suffering from amnesia"

"I may be able to help with that" Siddiq offered "I'm a doctor or was , better say"

Rick felt hope inside of him. Finally there was a doctor that could check on him. Maybe there was still a chance for him to recover after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Siddiq is already a doctor in this for the story's sake ,so he can help Rick. Hope you enjoy the story so far and thank you for reading👍


	30. Chapter 30

Carl, Rick and Siddiq left the car at a distance. Had waited until night to return and they would be sneaking back inside again exactly like Carl had done the day before. Had explained to Siddiq what was going on. It wasn't ideal of course but better than being out there. Him and Rick would stay hidden until they could find a way to get rid of the Saviors once and for all. Carl didn't see anyone patrolling at the gates. This was their chance to jump over the walls and get in. Carl led them to the walls at the back side of Alexandria. 

"Ok" Carl said to them "we get in"

Before Rick and Siddiq could say something though, they got surrounded by Negan's men who were pointing their guns at them. 

"Get on your knees" they ordered. 

They were outnumbered and there was nothing else they could do. 

Suddenly they heard someone whistling. Rick looked up and saw Negan coming their way with a smirk on his face. 

"Well hello there" he said to them. 

Carl growled when he saw him. How the hell had he escaped so soon? 

"Hey kid. Told you that your rebellion wouldn't last long. Didn't believe me though, did you?"

He looked at Rick who was averting his eyes from looking at him and next to him that was Siddiq who seemed afraid. 

"See you made new friends since morning. Who are you?" he questioned. 

"Don't answer" Rick said to Siddiq which made Negan narrow his eyes. 

"You will tell me or I'll kill you" he replied coldly. 

"I'm Siddiq" he said eventually "I am a doctor"

Negan's eyes widened. He could help Rick. But he bet that both him and Carl knew that already. 

"Ok" he told them "look what we'll do now. Carl ,you will return to your home which will be guarded day and night. The gun will get taken from you. Rick and our guy over here, Siddiq, will be coming with me. If you thought that I would let you return to your home just like that, you're more stupid than I thought"

Rick didn't seem surprised at all that Negan would forcibly take him back. He looked at both Carl and Siddiq who looked devastated that they'd gotten caught.

"So you're gonna seperate me from my dad once again?" Carl demanded to know. 

"Your Daddy dearest over here belongs to me kid and he knows it very well. Should have killed me when you had the chance" Negan smirked down at them. 

"I will never be yours" Rick replied coldly and in defiance. 

"We will see about that" Negan replied as his eyes narrowed once again. "Let's tie you up now and we are leaving, what do you say?"

Rick got to his feet before Negan's men could react and punched him right square in the face. Negan let out a grunt of pain and realised his nose had bled. His men took a hold of Rick immediately. 

Negan didn't do anything to hurt him back and instead looked at Rick with a sore expression. Rick was angry on the other hand. 

"Load them up" he mumbled to his men as he walked to Carl and took the gun unceremoniously. 

Rick looked at his son in bitterness. They had just reunited and they were being seperated once again. 

They made them to move and led them to a truck. Their hands got tied up and Siddiq was forced to the back side. 

Negan thought about it and looked at Rick. 

"You will come with me at the front" he ordered. Didn't want them to be talking and possibly make an escape plan. The only reason he had taken that other guy as well, Siddiq ,was because he could possibly help Rick with his amnesia. 

Since his men released him from that bed post, he had been spying on Alexandria, waiting for his little escapees to return and they had.

Rick was caught by the arm, although Negan tried to not be rough with him. He felt hurt to even look at him after his words that he had said to him that same morning. 

Negan got him in and waited for his men to finish locking Siddiq to the back side of the car. 

He looked at Rick who was staring outside of the window. Couldn't even get the chance to see his home again. 

Negan grabbed him by the chin to make him look at him. 

"Should have killed me when you had the chance Rick. We are gonna talk about everything and you will be staying with me"

"Talk about what thing exactly? How you threw me out of a window?" Rick snapped at him. 

Negan frowned at him. So Carl had told him. 

"That and many more" he responded instead in a cold tone. 

Rick let out a huff of disbelief and turned his head away from him again, as one of Negan's men got to the driver's seat to drive them back to the compound.


	31. Chapter 31

Negan pushed Rick to his room and locked behind him. He had instructed his men to put Siddiq in a room as well. Would be making him check on Rick tomorrow. 

Rick looked at him and Negan could sense that he wanted to attack him. 

"Sit down" he ordered as he showed him his bed. 

Rick did so reluctantly as Negan removed his leather jacket and pulled a chair to sit opposite from Rick. 

"Let's talk now" Negan announced as he crossed his arms in front of him. 

"You pushed me out of a damned window making me hit my head to the point of getting amnesia" Rick snapped at him "What exactly is there to talk about? That you had been lying to me all this time? I feel ashamed that I let you touch me!"

"It was an accident. Didn't want to do that. It got out of hand and yes, it caused you amnesia. You would have left me either I had said the truth or not. I know that this is hard for you...-"

"You know nothing" Rick replied coldly "the fact that you brought me here again is proof of that. Can't make me love you. Get that? I won't!"

"Back at the cabin, I asked you something. If you were happy with me and you said yes. Was that a lie?'

Rick averted his eyes. He had felt happiness with Negan. Before finding out what he did though. 

"It doesn't matter what I felt for you. All that matters is now and you disgust me"

Negan shook his head at Rick's stubbornness. 

"You will feel things again. You're angry and can't see that. Told you at the cabin as well"

"You're delusional" Rick spat out "won't let you touch me even with a ten-foot pole!"

"I wouldn't touch someone who thinks I'm a rapist either way" Negan responded coldly. "I will introduce you to my wives tomorrow. To see that I don't need you. They are absolutely stunning. I may let you sleep with them since with me you will only share the bed. Although I doubt they would want to get it on, with a prick like yourself..."

Rick felt hurt at Negan's insults. He promised himself that he wouldn't tear up though. 

"Funny, I remember you saying how much you wanted me" Rick responded. 

"Some sweet talking to make you do what I wanted" Negan lied to Rick "you are not something special. Your attitude is the biggest turn off though. I may make you my errand boy instead. Clean after me, bring me food...You have to repay me for taking care of you all this time"

"So back to being your little slave, right? Good that you finally show your true colors again. Almost fooled me..." Rick raised his voice at Negan. 

"Same for me, Rick. Same for me. Thought that you had learned your lesson. But nope. You need to be taught obedience at last. For real this time"

"If you think that with fear tactics you'll achieve anything then you're the one who has learned absolutely nothing" Rick said in a cold tone "you are envious of what I had, am I correct? You set a course to ruin it. A family, love..."

"Please Rick" Negan rolled his eyes "I'm not envious of you. Or your little home and family. Can't even understand why they made you their leader but sadly for you they did. Led them to destructive paths. Your actions are what led you to me. Wouldn't have found you otherwise"

"I want to be put in a cell then. Since I have to pay, make my punishment to fit my crime, right? Come on Negan, show me what has to be done" Rick demanded. 

Negan swallowed hard at that. He didn't want to put him in a cell, but Rick was challenging him. 

"Your head doesn't allow me to be putting you in a cell" he tried to find an excuse. 

"You care so much about your prisoners' health?" Rick asked, not buying it. 

"My compound, I decide the rules" Negan replied defensively. "You won't be telling me what I'll do with you or your new buddy, the doctor. Although it is to be seen yet how good of a doctor he is, seems pretty young to be doing a good job..."

"Yeah. You, that you're older than all of us, you do a "fantastic" job" Rick shot back at him. 

"Definitely better than yours though..." Negan answered as he glared at him. "Now go take a shower. Won't be sleeping like that in my bed. All sweaty..."

Rick grumbled and stood up. 

"You can also go to hell" he said as he walked closer to Negan. 

"Go to the bathroom first and then I go to hell as well..." Negan said to him, trying to not lose his calm. He moved to hand him a towel and pajamas. "If you need any help, don't be shy to call me" he added, just to annoy him. 

"Uh-huh..." Rick replied "in your dreams, maybe. I'll kick your butt if you even attempt to enter while I'm showering. Injured or not"

"I'm scared now. Don't worry though, I won't barge in. Although it will not be something, that I've not seen already, so it wouldn't be a shock. I know that you're pretty modest"

With that he gave him a push towards his bathroom and Rick closed the door behind him with a loud noise. 

Negan rested his head against the door and felt bad for having to insult the other guy and telling him all these cruel things. That was how their lives were gonna be though from now and on, as it seemed.


	32. Chapter 32

When Rick got out of the bathroom, he saw that Negan had already fallen asleep as he had lowered the light of his bedside table. Rick was sure that he would barge in to see him all naked ,but didn't after all. He didn't care about himself but for Siddiq. Carl had promised him a better life and he became a prisoner before even getting to see Alexandria. If he couldn't help him with his amnesia, who knows what Negan would be doing to him. 

Had to get him out of there. Even if it meant becoming Negan's slave. He couldn't be with his family, he couldn't remember his life, what was even left for him? Without love, without anything to hold on from. His life consisted of threats, lies and suffering nowadays. Wished he had been strong enough to let Carl kill Negan that morning. But couldn't erase what he had felt for that cruel person just like that. 

Rick sighed to himself and eyed the bed and then Negan's black couch. The couch it was. He grabbed a pillow and a blanket and curled at the couch. Only if he got forced to, he would be sleeping at the same bed with Negan again. Didn't trust him to not take advantage of his situation and force him into things again. Negan had been so gentle though at the cabin. Had cared for him, he didn't want to harm him...

Was all that a lie? A trick to get him to relax enough so that he would give in and have sex? Rick felt his eyes stinging at what Negan had done to him, how he used him. He touched himself recalling when the other man had been touching him. All these words he had said to him. Had made him feel valid, like he meant something to someone...even a tiny bit. 

He let himself sob quietly as he brought himself to cum. Felt like some of his tension had released but felt disgusted by himself and what he had done at his enemy's room while he was sleeping peacefully, like he hadn't imprisoned him once again. Rick shifted to his left and closed his eyes with tears drying to his cheeks. He would get through Negan's crap once again and one day he would be free from him. Just had to. 

He owed it to his family even if he didn't remember them yet. Rick took a trembling breath and closed his eyes to get some rest. That day had been too overwhelming for him to handle, especially with the situation of his head and his injury. Throwing him out of the window though, he thought in despair and anger. Human life meant nothing for Negan obviously. 

\---

"Wake up prick" Negan announced as he had loomed over him. 

Rick blinked his eyes and looked up at him. His anger came back instantly at the sight of Negan. 

"Didn't we say that you would be sleeping with me?" he questioned, clearly irritated "my couch is not for sleeping. For other things maybe, if you know what I mean, but not for feisty prisoners who are supposed to sleep where they are ordered to and they do whatever they want instead"

"Put me in a cell then" Rick replied as he stood up and defended himself despite Negan trying to intimidate him "that way you won't have to bother about where I sleep"

"I may put you after all" Negan threatened "to see what you'll be saying then..."

"Great" Rick said coldly "better than being with you at the same room"

"Speaking of the room, start cleaning up. You have half an hour. We will be eating breakfast after and then your doctor friend will be brought here to see how "good" he is. Later on you are meeting my wives, as promised"

Rick shot him an angry glare at the "schedule" he had made for him. 

"Why don't you clean up your damned room?" he demanded to know as he dropped himself back down to the couch. "I'm gonna sit here and clean it yourself. As for the wives ,I'm not interested in meeting them"

Negan's eyes narrowed at him. 

"Maybe I should tell my men to bring Siddiq here right now to see how he will feel about your defiance. He will pay for it though, not you" he said in anger. "Do what you are being told and don't make me hurt him. I'm not angry with him either way"

"But you're with me, right? I'm the victim in this! Not you" Rick snapped at him as he stood up to clean the room since he didn't have any other choice. 

Negan grabbed him by the chin though and forced him to look at him. 

He felt Rick's breath hitching of being so close to him. Negan still had a big effect on him. His heart was beating faster as well. 

Negan stared at his lips and then at Rick's blue eyes that had fear in them. He sighed to himself and let him go, taking a step back. 

"Sit back down" he said eventually "I'll clean the room"

Rick looked at him with an unreadable expression. He sat back down and Negan turned his back on him to clean up. 

He wrapped the blanket around him as it was pretty cold in the morning and stayed silent. Negan acted like he wasn't even there as he started changing his bedsheets and cleaning up. It had been some time since he stayed to it after all.


	33. Chapter 33

Rick sighed in relief when he saw Siddiq and he was thankfully unharmed. Was clean now and had fresh clothes on. He was very afraid that they had mistreated him last night. If something happened to him, he would never forgive himself, which was very likely to happen if Negan got mad at him. Since he was with an injured head, he wouldn't punish him but Siddiq instead. 

Had to get him out of there or persuade Negan to let go of him. He highly doubted that he would be able to bring his memory back at such short time either way. Things like that couldn't be forced, but Negan expected that Siddiq was a magician or something and he would magically bring his memories back. 

They were at some kind of Infirmary ,of their previous doctor obviously. Negan showed Siddiq the supplies they had and dropped himself to a chair looking at them both expectantly. 

Rick's mouth turned to a straight line though. He didn't want Negan to be staying there as well. That guy didn't know the word "privacy" obviously. 

"Weren't you leaving?" Rick asked in annoyance. 

"I wasn't" Negan replied coldly "Who told you such a stupid thing?"

Siddiq looked from one to the other and sighed. There was a lot of tension and personal issues between them. Anyone could tell that. He didn't know Rick almost at all but he could get that he was honorable and a family man. Negan seemed to want to force people to do what he wanted instead of talking about his issues and possibly solving them. 

"Rick may don't want you to hear personal things..." Siddiq interfered, trying to get Negan to understand that he had to leave them alone. 

"Come on...Siddiq. Rick knows that he is not allowed to be keeping secrets from me" he said as he shot Rick a glare "What is your plan to bring his memories back either way? Talking?"

Siddiq let out a sigh. 

"It's hard to heal from amnesia. His injury was quite serious. Yes, talking is part of the treatment. Checking on his head and treating him properly , also. His head is not wrapped up correctly..."

Negan frowned at that. Now he was being criticized for not being good enough at taking care of Rick. 

"Not that correct I meant..." Siddiq said as he saw Negan's anger "it's not that bad either. Can you please give us one hour ,so I can examine him and set a plan on how I could help him?"

Rick was looking moody and stared at the floor instead of Negan. Didn't want him to stay there but didn't know if he would leave them alone either. 

"Fine" Negan answered ,although it was hard for him. "I'll put two men outside, so don't get any smart ideas of escaping" he warned. 

"We wouldn't dare to even think of that" Rick snapped at him. Negan was infuriating him most of the time. 

Negan shook his head in disapproval and walked out of the Infirmary, closing the door behind him with loud noise. 

Rick let out a sigh he had been holding. 

"I am so sorry" he said to Siddiq in frustration "I promise that you'll get away from here soon enough. With me he has the problem, not you"

"Don't apologize Rick. Either way, I promised to help you. Doesn't matter if it's even under these circumstances..." Siddiq replied with a shrug. It wasn't ideal but they had informed him of the dangers. "Stop worrying about me. Can protect myself. What matters now is how you'll get your memories back"

Rick let out a sob as tears started rolling down his cheeks. 

Siddiq felt hurt at seeing him like that. 

"Hey Rick...Please don't cry, think of Carl. He wouldn't want you to be like that..." Siddiq tried to comfort him. 

"I know, but I feel so lonely..." Rick sobbed out. 

"You are not alone" Siddiq replied "I know that we met each other just yesterday, but I'm here for you. We are in this together"

Rick wiped the tears from his eyes. He was an emotional mess. 

"I...- thank you so much. You don't have to do all that for me ,but you do" he said, feeling grateful. 

"I know a thing or two about loneliness being all alone out there for so long. Believe me, it's my pleasure to be able to help someone in need again. I know that it's rough here, but everywhere is rough nowadays. Gotta find something positive even in the hardest of times" 

Rick gave him a small smile. 

"Alright" Siddiq announced "let's see what supplies they have so we can clean and wrap up your cut properly. If this was the old world, you'd need a psychologist as well after all that you've been through, but I'll try my best as well. You definitely need to let all these negative and painful feelings out though or they will overwhelm you"

Rick nodded in agreement. He was already feeling very overwhelmed and Negan wasn't helping his situation at all. If he was let back to his home, he believed that he would recover way sooner than now. Had to work with what he had though... 


	34. Chapter 34

"So that's what happened between us..." Rick finished explaining. 

Siddiq's eyes widened. This was far more complicated than he had ever expected. Throwing him out of a window, the cabin...They had been through a lot. To say the least... 

"What if he is truly sorry though, Rick?" he tried to think logically "I mean if he didn't give a damn about you, he wouldn't be trying to take care of your head or cooking for you..."

"I think it was just manipulation" Rick said to him "I mean he may got bored and knew that I would be a fun toy to play with. When you care about someone, do you really treat them like that?"

"I am not saying that he has or is treating you correctly, far from it considering that you're injured as well, but don't know...he might feel guilt for what he did to you and with bringing you here again, he is trying to fix things..."

"But...-" Rick started when the door opened and Negan appeared, looking kind of irritated. Obviously, because he didn't stay there as well. To hear their talk. 

Siddiq looked at Negan. He would find an opportunity to talk to him as well. Needed to know his perspective in all that, if it was to help Rick. Had to support Rick if he cared about him, not be pushing him further away. 

Rick bid Siddiq goodbye as he would be taken back to his room. Negan was looking at him very weirdly. 

"So...what did you talk about?" he questioned as he crossed his arms. He was sure that Rick would be lying to him. 

"About the weather..." Rick said as he let out a sigh "what do you think we talked about? My injury, how it happened etc"

"Bet you made sure to exaggerate events" Negan drawled "that I'm the monster that threw you out of a window and wanted you to get injured..."

"I didn't" Rick mumbled, as he looked down at the floor, "said things how they happened. No more, no less. He had to know"

"Of course he had"

"Can you just...let him go?" Rick asked with a sore expression as he looked at him "He did nothing wrong. Allow him to stay at Alexandria. I'll do whatever you want in return. Clean your room, the toilets, sleep with you. Anything you want... I'm begging you, let him go" 

Negan glared at him and he could see that he was willing to do whatever he ordered to free Siddiq. If there was a way for Rick to get treated though, it was with Siddiq's help. Doctors couldn't be found every day. 

"I will think about it" he replied instead. 

Rick knew that he wouldn't be doing it. Just because he asked. He might make him do all the rest, but not let him go in return. 

"Come on. You are gonna meet my wives" Negan reminded him. 

"Why?" Rick asked as he couldn't understand. "So you can show me how much you don't need me?"

Negan sighed in frustration. 

"No, ok? That's not why I'm doing it. They are just some women, pretty normal for the most part. What are they going to do? Attack you? You will talk for a bit, just that, get to know each other. I will not attempt to humiliate you in front of them. They are like you either way. Can't stand certain things like humiliating people etc. So don't worry. Things will be civilized..." Negan tried to calm him down. 

Rick didn't seem to believe him, but walked out of the Infirmary hesitantly, following Negan to where his wives were. 

They walked to the upper floor and Negan opened the door to a big room. It was like a common area with couches all around and chairs. He saw five women sitting around and either being silent or talking to each other. They were all different from each other but they were all young and beautiful. Negan didn't lie on that part at least. When he had five wives, what would he need him for either way? Rick subdued and kept to himself as he and Negan walked to the room. 

Negan's wives froze when they saw them. They greeted Negan though some more happily than others who seemed to darken when they saw him again. 

"This is Rick Grimes" Negan introduced them and took notice of Rick's sore expression "Rick, these are my wives..."

A blonde girl with long hair, that looked the youngest of all of them, started sobbing instead of greeting him and walked to a corner to cry alone. Negan sighed to himself but didn't comment on it. 

A woman with red hair stepped up and offered Rick a smile. She felt bad for him and having to see them in that state. 

"Nice to meet you Rick. I'm Frankie" she said with a calmness in her voice. 

Rick gave her a half-hearted smile in return and greeted her. 

"Same for me" he replied. 

"Let me introduce you to the other girls" she offered. Negan gave her a small nod and let them talk. He walked to Amber that was sitting all alone and crying her eyes out. 

"What did I do to you again Amber? Yesterday I came back you know..." he questioned. 

"Ironing Mark's face wasn't enough?" she said coldly "He is sick. Has a fever since then and it hasn't dropped. Will probably die" Amber sobbed out. She didn't care that Mark's face was scarred for life, she wanted him to survive and be with him. Give him her love. Dwight had gone through the same and he lived. 

Negan looked at the crying girl in front of him. 

"There is a doctor at the Sanctuary since yesterday. I will tell him to check on Mark. Can't take back what I did to him, if he survives though you can be together" Negan decided "that's all I can do"

He looked up and saw Rick staring at their heated conversation with Amber. He may didn't know about Mark, but he could guess that he had done something horrible to that poor girl as well. 

"Why is she crying?" Rick asked Frankie turning his attention to her. 

Frankie let out a sigh. 

"She fell in love with one of Negan's men, Mark. They had an affair. He found out and it is forbidden for us to cheat on him. Gave him the same punishment he gives to all who do something like that behind his back. Ironed half his face" she said and saw Rick's eyes widen "yes, I know. It's completely inhumane. He didn't die but he is sick since then. She has been crying every single day. Especially these days that Negan was gone..."

Rick felt horrified at what he was hearing. How cruel was Negan really? He was feeling he had only scraped the surface of what he was capable of. 

Throwing him out of a window seemed like nothing compared to that. 

He had started shaking without even realizing when Frankie grabbed his hand in hers to calm him down. 

"Shouldn't have told you" she said with regret "I disturbed you..."

Rick took a deep breath. 

"Believe me, it's better to know" he replied as he looked at Negan again. He felt rage inside of him. How many lives had that guy destroyed? He was afraid to find out.


	35. Chapter 35

Negan and Rick left from his wives common room and they both felt more moody than before they came. For different reasons each. 

"Do you want us to go have dinner?" Negan asked hesitantly. It was noon already. 

"No" Rick declined "I want you to tell me whether you will let Siddiq go or not". He was afraid they would be having the same ending as Mark. Didn't want Siddiq to stay there. 

Negan let out a sigh of frustration. 

"I can't let him go. I need him for someone else as well that is unwell at the moment and to treat you. It's not like I can just hire one"

"Of course you wouldn't do what I'm asking" Rick replied, feeling very moody and upset. 

"Don't you want to get well again?" Negan asked as he raised his eyebrow. 

"I'm past the point of caring. Nothing will change. If anything remembering, will cause me more pain. Of course I want to remember my kids, but I'm not gonna be spending time with them either way. With being your prisoner and all that"

"If you accept that I didn't mean to hurt you, of course you could see them" Negan said to him, trying to get his point to Rick. 

"It doesn't matter Negan. You did it. Wanted to make me submit and you continue to want the same thing" Rick told him in anger. 

"You are very unfair towards me and don't even give me a chance" Negan shot back at him "fine be that way,I'll go to eat alone. I'm locking you to my room, but don't say you are hungry later on. I won't be begging you to be eating"

With that he grabbed Rick by the wrist and led him to his room. Rick tried to fight back but Negan was stronger than him. 

Negan opened the door of his room to get Rick inside. 

"Stop fighting" Negan growled. Rick closed the door behind Negan and before he could stop himself his lips were on the other man's, kissing him roughly. 

Negan was against the door and he let out a gasp. He kissed him back though, after his initial surprise. Had missed Rick kissing him so much. 

Rick stopped himself though, as Negan was starting to get into it. 

He took a step back and looked at him with a sore expression. 

"That was wrong" he said in denial "very wrong"

Negan sighed to himself. Of course it was. Rick couldn't let himself enjoy a moment. 

"Yeah..." he drawled "it was. I'm going to eat and I'll bring you food here since you don't want us to be eating together" Negan said to Rick who averted his eyes from looking at him. 

Negan shook his head in disappointment and turned his back on Rick, locking the door behind him. 

Wished that Rick would give in to him. He knew that he wanted him as much as he did. Had done awful things that he couldn't change. Rick's amnesia was one of them. He absolutely hated to be like that towards each other though. 

He could get Rick's frustrations, but he was also very frustrated. His feelings didn't matter as it seemed. 

\---

"Have another patient for you" Negan announced to Siddiq. 

Siddiq crossed his arms though and looked at him up and down. He wasn't letting himself get intimidated by fear tactics. Even Negan's. They needed to talk about Rick and they would. 

"I will ,on one condition" he announced. 

Negan groaned. That thing that the prisoners could make conditions nowadays, was infuriating. 

"Not that you have a choice, but what do you want?" he questioned. 

"To talk about Rick" Siddiq replied, not losing his calm. 

"What about him? You seemed pretty eager for me to leave you all alone"

"That's why I'm talking to you in person and not with Rick present" Siddiq answered like he was trying to explain something simple. 

"Fine. Tell me what you want. I have other things as well" Negan grumbled. 

"I don't believe that you want Rick's demise or even to be making him suffer. You have feelings for him but he is upset by what you did to him, am I correct?"

Negan let out a sigh. He didn't want to talk about Rick. 

"You are, what do you want from me now?"

"Stop pushing him away. Don't you see that you are making the gap between you ,bigger and bigger? " Siddiq asked. 

"He is the one pushing me away though" Negan pointed out "he is not willing to hear anything I've got to say. Thinks I'm making up excuses. Is convinced that my ultimate goal is to manipulate him"

"You didn't talk about anything though. Need to tell him how you feel and hear him out as well. Also, if you can't move on, you have to accept it. Maybe that thing between you ,can't be dealt with. By imprisoning him , what you will achieve exactly?"

"He just needs time. Imprisonment will give me that. Now I'm sorry but I gotta go. You will take care of that person I'm telling you or else you'll both be in trouble" Negan threatened. 

"Fine..." Siddiq mumbled, making sure to show him how disappointed he was. 

Negan gave him one last glare and locked the door behind him. Now he would be having Siddiq to deal with alongside Rick...


	36. Chapter 36

Negan walked to the cafeteria to pick something for Rick's dinner. Had to spend time getting informed of the Sanctuary's situation and the hours had passed before even realizing it. He sighed to himself. Rick would kill him for letting him hungry and locked up for so many hours. He filled a plate with potatoes and chicken plus salad. Hoped he would enjoy it and not be extra mad at him for the big delay. 

He started walking back to his room when he sensed someone behind him. Turned around quickly, but before he could defend himself, someone stabbed him to the stomach. The corridor was pretty dark due to the night that was falling outside and that person was wearing a mask. Negan let out a gasp as he fell to the floor. Rick's dinner spilled as the plate got broken into tiny little pieces. 

Negan looked up and saw the man walking away as nothing had happened with cold indifference. He was gonna die. That was it. He couldn't even call for help. Felt his stomach with his hand and blood was pouring out fast. 

"Someone, help me!" he tried to yell with the small amount of energy that was left in him. 

He felt tears rolling down his cheeks as he let out a sob. Didn't want to die. Not before looking at Rick's eyes one more time and telling him that he loved him. It was ok if he didn't love him back, he just had to say it, how he felt for him. 

The Sanctuary was very big. By the time they would discover him, it would be too late. He felt himself getting weaker and weaker with every passing second. 

Suddenly he heard steps coming towards him. 

"Please..." Negan begged weakly as his voice had gotten rough. 

"Oh my God!" he heard a female voice. Amber's voice specifically. She knelt by his side fast. "Negan, you are bleeding out!" she said as her eyes widened. 

"Bring...Siddiq...please" Negan let out with difficulty. 

Amber nodded frantically as she stood up in a hurry. She started running. Negan may have done terrible things, but she didn't wish him to die. Not when she could help him. 

She ran to Siddiq's room and saw two guards outside. 

"What are you doing here?" the one demanded. Negan's wives couldn't just roam around. Especially when it was getting dark outside. It was Negan's orders. 

"Let him out" she demanded, determined to be heard "Negan got stabbed and is bleeding out right now. He needs a doctor and Siddiq is the only one that can help him!"

The two guards looked at each other and maybe they decided that she was serious as the one unlocked the door quickly. 

Siddiq had heard the noise outside of his room and was already up from his bed. 

When the door got opened ,he saw a young blonde woman looking at him with worry. 

"What happened?" he questioned immediately. 

"Negan got stabbed" she explained as quickly as possible. "At the stomach. He is laying at a corridor and is bleeding out as we speak"

"Lead me to him" Siddiq answered immediately. He wouldn't think about it right now ,if Negan deserved to die or not. It wasn't up to him to decide that either way. No matter how the other man was treating him and Rick.

Amber nodded and they hurried out of Siddiq's room as the guards looked at them running away.


	37. Chapter 37

Rick had lost sense of how much time had passed. It had been hours since it had gotten dark outside. Felt his stomach growl. He didn't have anything to eat since breakfast. Couldn't go anywhere with Negan having locked the door. Was that some kind of twisted payback for saying he regretted that they kissed? He laid on the couch and tried not to think of how hungry he was. What would he do after all? Let him starve? 

He could hold on till morning. Even if that was something like a punishment, he had to go through it. Tried to close his eyes to relax and get some sleep, but they stayed glued to the door. Hoping that Negan would open it and tell him if that was some sort of testing. To get why he was doing it at least... 

He felt like it had been only moments since he had fallen asleep when he heard the door getting unlocked. Rick cleared his eyes and expected to see Negan, but he was met with a bloodied Siddiq. He felt his own blood run cold. Stood up fast and walked to him. 

"What happened Siddiq? Why are you all bloody? Did Negan...-" he questioned as he took in Siddiq's tiredness and all that blood on his clothes

"Someone stabbed him Rick, at the stomach" said Siddiq with a sore expression. "Amber found him. No one knows yet who did it. He is in critical condition. The next hours or day will determine if he...-"

Rick stood frozen. Couldn't believe what he was hearing. 

"Tell me you're lying Siddiq" he said in denial "you can't be serious right now...that blood is not...-"

Siddiq grabbed him by the arms and looked at him right square in the eyes. 

"It's real and he is in a bad condition. If Amber hadn't found him, he would be dead by now. Tried my best, don't know if it will be enough. I found the key to his room when I was removing his bloodied clothes and you had to be released from here-"

"Take me to him. Please Siddiq" Rick interfered. He seemed pretty lost to Siddiq. 

"Come with me..." Siddiq answered with a deep sigh. That would be a tough night for all of them as it seemed. 

\---

Rick walked to the Infirmary and saw Amber sobbing discretely, trying to keep quiet. Next to her was a hospital bed and there laid Negan. His shirt was removed and half his torso was with bandages. Blood could still be seen through them though. He wasn't moving at all and sounded like he was forcing himself to keep breathing. 

He felt like he would collapse when he saw him like that. 

"Negan" Rick cried out as he took Negan's unresponsive hand in his. Hot tears fell from his eyes. "Wake up!" he demanded as he gave him a firm shake. 

"Rick" Siddiq said to him in a strong voice, trying to bring him back to his senses "he has lost too much blood. Simply can't wake up, no matter how much he would want to"

"No ,no" Rick sobbed as more tears fell from his eyes. 

Amber rested her hand on his shoulder to comfort him. She didn't look well either. 

Siddiq took him by the arm to help him up. 

"You are gonna faint if you stay here any longer. He is in a very rough state. Shouldn't have seen him to begin with. You are not well yourself"

"Who did that?" Rick asked as he couldn't understand. 

"We don't know yet. Whoever it was though, left him all helpless" Amber said with a soreness "there was food found next to Negan. He must have been bringing you to eat when they attacked him. I had sneaked out to go take care of Mark. Don't know what would have happened if he wasn't found, even like that... Pleaded me to call Siddiq and by the time we got to him, he was unconscious" 

Rick looked at the floor with bitterness. 

"Can you give me some minutes? Want to be left alone with him, just please..." he begged them. 

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Siddiq questioned, unsure. 

"Yes I'll be fine"

Siddiq gave him a nod as he and Amber walked out of the room to give them some time. 

Rick walked by Negan's side and he felt awful looking at him. He seemed to be in big pain. 

"If I had been with you, I could have protected you...do something..." Rick sobbed out. 

Negan wasn't responding to anything though. He had his eyes closed and he was very pale. 

Rick leaned in and kissed his forehead softly. 

"Don't you dare go, you hear me?" he asked Negan and wished he could hear him somehow "That's the only fight you need to win. Can't give up now" Rick warned him. 

Whoever did that wouldn't go unpunished. They were gonna regret the moment they laid hands on him. 


	38. Chapter 38

Rick held Negan's hand in his. Couldn't stand to see him like that but didn't want to leave him alone either. 

"Why Negan?" he questioned "I know that you've pissed off a lot of people ,but to that extent...You are a tough nut though, I know that you are. Who is gonna control my life like you do ?" Rick let out a bitter chuckle "We have our problems but want you healthy, you hear that? So try...please Negan...You are gonna survive this and order me around again. I will get mad at you and so on..."

Negan was continuing to let out shallow breaths and seemed to struggle a lot. 

Rick felt his eyes tearing up again. Had been so focused that Negan had imprisoned him , that it never crossed his mind the possibility of Negan getting harmed and so seriously. Either he liked it or not , their lives had been linked and he was attached to the other guy. Couldn't say that he didn't care about him because it would be a big lie. 

He rubbed his hand softly, trying to make Negan feel that he was there for him. 

His stomach reminded him that he was very hungry but he couldn't care less right now. He felt bad that he had been thinking the worst of Negan once again and he was on his way to bring him to eat. With a big delay maybe, but he was taking care of him, both here and at that cabin. Now he was laying stabbed in front of him without knowing if he was gonna make it or not. 

Rick fell asleep after an hour of Negan being unresponsive with his head resting on the edge of Negan's bed. Siddiq covered his back with a blanket and occupied a chair as well. Had told Amber to go to her room to sleep. They couldn't all stay there and it was pointless either way. Negan was stiched up but his situation was not good.

Whoever stabbed him, knew exactly what they were doing. That person didn't hit a vital organ but it was enough to leave him hanging between life and death. Rick moved in his disturbed sleep and mumbled some things that he couldn't understand. He took Negan's hand in his and his sleep got a bit calmer again. 

He closed his eyes as well and felt like minutes later when someone was shaking him to make him wake up. 

"W-hat?" he questioned as he cleared his eyes. It was still night outside. 

Rick showed him Negan that was blinking his eyes. 

Siddiq stood up and got by his side in a hurry. Negan may had opened his eyes slightly, but seemed disconnected from his environment. Rick was very worried for him. 

"Negan give me a nod if you can hear me" Siddiq said to him. 

Negan eyes focused on him and gave him a tiny nod with his head. Siddiq sighed in relief that at least he was hearing him. With all that blood loss... 

"Nod to me if you are in pain" he asked him and Negan moved his head a bit to confirm it. He felt his eyes closing against his will but saw Rick holding his hand before he did. Didn't look good to him. Felt too tired though to talk no matter how much he wished he could. 

Siddiq ignored his own tiredness and opened a drawer. 

"What is that?" Rick questioned. He was equally tired but Negan mattered right now. 

"Painkiller" Siddiq said with a sigh "He has to be in big pain. Don't see that he doesn't show it or choses not to. With that stab..."

Rick felt a soreness spreading inside of him. Who the hell could have done that and most importantly why?


	39. Chapter 39

Rick managed to fall asleep again and next time he opened his eyes it was early in the morning. Looked up at Negan and he seemed even more weathered in the daylight. Had dark circles under his eyes and all color had dried off his face. Rick touched his own wrapped up head and thought of when Negan had been taking care of him, even if the wrapping was not the correct one. Wanted so bad to say that he was glad that he had been taking care of him, didn't know if he would get a chance though. Had spent so much energy on hating Negan that never thought of what he did for him. Small things or bigger ones, it didn't matter. Negan had lied to him about causing him amnesia, but maybe he was just trying to protect him from his own actions and the pain they had caused. 

"You don't just cause people amnesia and go, you get that?" he said to Negan as he rubbed his hand in his. Knew that they could not talk but felt the need to speak to him. "Or make them fall in love with you..." Rick sobbed out. "You may be an asshole for kidnapping me and forcing certain things on me, but that's what makes you, well...you. Someone can either hate or love you. I wished I could hate you. It would make things so much easier for me...As you say that I belong to you though, you belong to me as well. It goes both ways. You are not free from me, as I'm not from you. Not in the possessive way though of "I'll keep you locked up blah blah blah". Can't keep anyone forever like that. You keep them by showing that you care, by love...so don't you dare give up on yourself or me"

He sobbed as he felt awful for Negan's situation. He took Negan's hand and kept it while tears fell for his eyes and down his cheeks. Negan blinked his eyes slightly and looked at him with difficulty. 

Rick's eyes widened when he saw that he was awake. 

"Negan" he cried out "don't force yourself..."

Negan kept his eyes open though as much as he could. 

"Don't...cry...for me..." he managed to let out in a very rough voice. 

Of course that would be the first thing he would say. 

"Be better soon" he replied "only then I'll calm down. Not when you're like that..."

A tear fell from Negan's eyes as well and Rick wiped it away. 

"Leave..." he said in a pained voice. 

"You can't be serious right now.I'm not going anywhere" Rick replied as he frowned.

"I am...a lost...cause" Negan said with a rough cough. "Get away...from me"

"What words are those?" Rick demanded "didn't take you for a quitter. I'm staying. Don't care if you don't want me now. When you are better, you can kick me out yourself" 

Siddiq appeared by the door and hurried by their side when he saw that Negan was awake. 

"He spoke?" he questioned. 

"Yeah..." Rick drawled as he gave Negan a disappointed glare "...and says things to piss me off. Put something to shut him up if you will..."

"Only an oxygen mask...if you feel like you need it" Siddiq asked Negan. 

Negan let out a small sigh and nodded. He did need it. 

Rick stood up to let Siddiq connect what he needed to and kept his eyes locked with Negan's hazel ones. Didn't like these signs of defeat, not at all. 

He was hurt. Seriously. But that didn't mean that he would give up. Now he needed to fight it and try to restore his health. Was crazy if he thought that he would be leaving now that things were so serious. 

"Can you keep an eye on him?" he asked Siddiq "I'm feeling dizzy from the lack of food..."

Negan looked up at him with worry. He couldn't talk with the mask on but Rick got that he was not happy that he hadn't eaten for a whole day. 

"Yes, of course Rick...go eat. You should have already..." Siddiq said with worry. 

Rick gave him a nod and a warning to Negan. To behave and not cause Siddiq problems. 

He opened the door of the Infirmary and came face to face with a woman around her thirties. She had brown hair that was dyed blonde at the edges. Pulled a gun on him when she saw him. 

"Whoa!" Rick exclaimed as he raised his arms up, in surrender. 

The woman let out a growl. 

"Was telling him that you'd be the end of him..."

"Who are you? Negan is alive, in a rough shape but alive. Had nothing to do with it though" Rick said as he frowned at her. 

"I'm Arat, Grimes. You got amnesia or what? What's up with the wrapped up head?"

Rick was about to answer when he felt his hunger and exhaustion getting to him and before he could stop, he felt himself fainting. 

"Rick!" he heard Arat yelping and thankfully she caught him in time to not hit his head again. 

She left the gun by her side. 

Rick lost his senses from the weakness as everything around him turned to black.


	40. Chapter 40

Rick woke up and he saw Negan sleeping at his own bed,he was still looking very worn down. He was laying at a hospital bed as well. The difference with Negan though was that he was handcuffed.

𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣, he thought. Why was he tied up now? 

He heard some angry voices coming from outside the Infirmary. Tried to hear what they were saying. 

"They had nothing to do with this!" Amber said as she had raised her voice. 

"I saved him" he heard Siddiq saying in a cold tone "Rick was locked up to Negan's room. Don't be ridiculous right now. Where were you for the matter?"

The door of the infirmary got opened with a loud noise and Rick saw Simon, Arat, Siddiq and Amber walking in. 

"Why am I tied up?" he demanded. Amber and Siddiq didn't look happy at all. 

"They think you did that to Negan" Amber explained in exasperation, trying to keep her voice to a normal level in order to not disturb Negan. 

"What role are you playing in all that?" Rick questioned Simon who smirked a bit at him, but not in a good way. 

"Don't trust you. Simple as that. Think I forgot when you punched me and made your escape?"

"What?" Arat demanded. 

"Yeah..." Simon drawled "Negan has been keeping things from us and very important ones"

"He caused me amnesia and kidnapped me. What should he say to you exactly? It's none of yours business what he does with me" Rick asked in anger. 

"I am his right hand man, Grimes. Since he is out, I'm in charge of this compound now and don't believe you. Amber is known to have issues with Negan as well. Who says you didn't all combine forces to attempt to murder him?"

"He can say to you that we didn't when he is in a position to do so" Siddiq replied as he frowned. 

"I have not eaten since last morning. I fainted because of that. You think I had the energy to be stabbing Negan?" Rick demanded. 

"You will all get transferred to Alexandria tomorrow" Simon ignored his question "Negan will get treated there. Arat will help you with the transfer. There are our people there to ensure he will get well"

"But...-" Siddiq tried to protest. 

Simon turned around though and walked out of the Infirmary seemingly done with their conversation. Arat released Rick's handcuffs. 

"Someone will bring you breakfast. Don't cause problems until tomorrow" she warned and left as well after releasing him. 

Amber, Siddiq and Rick looked at each other. Nothing made sense of all that. 

"Don't think that it would do Negan good to get transferred" Siddiq announced as he crossed his arms. 

"It's not just Negan, but Mark as well that you've just started treating him" Amber said with a sore expression "Rick is not well either. It is crazy to make us all move out, this is our home either we like it or not..."

Negan couldnt do anything to stop this right now, in his condition. They would be forced to move to Alexandria. 

"I will pick as many supplies as possible. If this...Simon wants us to go, we will be forced to do so I'm afraid. Amber you will take Mark as well. Not leaving him here. Maybe it's better to move either way. Don't trust them. Negan's real attacker remains uncaught and they are questioning us instead..." Siddiq told them. 

Amber nodded reluctantly. She knew that Simon was in charge now, but seemed very weird to kick them out. Had no right to do so. 

"I'll go pack up" she said and bid them goodbye. 

Rick looked at Negan that was passed out and felt that he had a big responsibility towards him now that he was helpless. Had to do everything in his power to protect him. 

A guard brought him a tray with breakfast and he practically devoured it. Had been very weak and hungry. 

After feeling a bit better he sat by Negan's bed and held his hand again. It had been only some hours since Negan had been stabbed and Simon had already replaced him. Didn't know if that was some deal they had made between them, but didn't like it at all. 

Negan had to become well soon , so that he could take his place again. The "Saviors" were far from ones as it seemed, but selfish people who only cared for power.


	41. Chapter 41

Rick was feeling tiredness getting to him once again as he sat back down at his chair. Had spent most of his day talking to Siddiq and trying to give him his opinion on what was important to take for his, Negan's and Mark's health care. He didn't know what Alexandria would have, but doubted that it would be much. 

No matter how much cold hearted the Saviors were, they couldn't decline Negan's treatment and Siddiq was the only one who could take this responsibility. He was informed that they were "searching" for Negan's attacker, but it was too late. Felt anger that they had let it pass like it was nothing so serious. A potential murderer was amongst these walls ,if he hadn't gotten away by now.

He would be staying up all night to be with Negan. Only when they'd reach Alexandria, he would allow himself the luxury of relaxing a bit. Negan had been very unwell all day. One hour his face was sweating from fever and the other one his hands were cold as ice. Now he had a blanket on and seemed to have calmed down a bit. It had been a very tiring day for him despite the fact that he couldn't stand up. Rick bit his lip in worry and heard Negan taking breaths from the oxygen mask. He thought of his own amnesia and honestly he couldn't care less right now. Negan to be well and maybe there was a chance for him to recover one day. 

Negan opened his eyes slightly and looked at him. 

Rick offered him a small smile as he stood up so that he could see him better. 

"Hey..." he told him. 

Negan touched his hand and held it in his. 

"I'm here ,you asshole" Rick smirked a bit as Negan continued to stare at him. He went to remove the mask but Rick stopped him. 

"It's ok, don't have to talk. Rest Negan, please. I'm here for you, whatever you want, alright? I'm not leaving you. Told you already"

Negan rolled his eyes slightly despite not feeling well. He let out a small gasp and Rick felt really bad for his sufferings. 

He motioned him that he wanted a pen and a paper. Rick gave him a weird look but thankfully the Infirmary had what Negan wanted. 

Handed them over and saw Negan's hand trembling a bit as he tried to write. 

"I" Rick read. 

Negan continued writing as best as he could. 

"Love...you..." Rick read out loud and his eyes widened as he looked at Negan. 

He had tears in his eyes. 

Rick swallowed hard but not because of fear. Because that was the truest thing Negan had said or wrote to him since he woke up from his accident. 

"Negan..." Rick drawled. 

Negan shook his head in denial though. He didn't want him to say anything. Thought he would die to that corridor. Since he was still alive, was glad he had the chance to say it. 

Rick was crying as well though. 

Negan held his hand tighter, wondering if he had saddened him with what he wrote. 

"Love you too Negan" Rick sobbed out "please try to go through this. I'm begging you. I forgive everything you did to me, just want you to be healthy..."

Negan squeezed his hand to comfort him and gave him a nod. 

Suddenly the door opened with force. A person dressed in all black and that was wearing a full face mask ,walked in. He was holding a big sharp knife. 

Rick's eyes widened as he stood up and moved himself in front of Negan's bed. He could only see the man's eyes and they had hatred in them, like he was there to finish what he started. 

"You'll have to go through me to get to him" Rick growled. He grabbed the knife from his lunch and moved towards him. Negan tried to sit up but had to lay back down due to his big pain. He removed the oxygen mask. "Rick!" he yelled out in fear. 

Rick managed to slice through that man's black shirt and he let out a groan. He attacked him with all his force and Rick managed to avoid getting cut ,last moment. 

Grabbed the chair he had been occupying and tossed it at him. 

The other guy dodged it though and moved to Negan with the knife in hand. 

"No!" Rick yelled out as he attacked him again. He would protect Negan even if that was the last thing he would be doing in his life. 

The man was ready to drive the knife straight through Negan's heart. 

Rick fell on him with all his weight and dropped him to the floor making the knife fall from his hands. 

"Leave him alone" he growled out. 

The guy was beneath him and tried to toss him to the floor. Rick fought against him as best as he could. The man hit him at his wrapped up head which made Rick fall to the side in pain. His wound had not healed after all. 

He grabbed the knife again and before Rick could react, he stabbed his shoulder. Rick cried out in pain. The guy went to remove the knife, to finish him off when suddenly he was falling dead to the floor by a gunshot. 

Rick looked behind him with struggle and saw Arat with her gun drawn out and being shocked by what she had witnessed. 

"Help him!" Negan sobbed out from his bed, feeling helpless to do anything. 

Just then Siddiq came back to the Infirmary being in a shock as well. 

"What the hell happened here?" Arat asked as Siddiq ran by Rick's side who was whimpering in pain. 


	42. Chapter 42

Rick stared at the dark road in front of them. His shoulder was hurting despite the fact that Siddiq had wrapped it up. As soon as he was taken care of, they had put their things in the car, helped Negan and Mark on the back and left. Wouldn't stay a minute more at the Sanctuary so that they could finish Negan off. Noone seemed to know their dead attacker but something inside of him was telling that this vendetta against Negan was not over. 

All those who were close to him were in big danger. He had gotten stabbed. Thankfully it wasn't a deep cut, but Negan had been very stressed out by the whole incident and rightfully so. Rick was as well. He should calm down now that their attacker was dead, but he wasn't. Him being dead didn't explain what he wanted from Negan or why he did what he did. 

Negan had fallen asleep at last. He had gone through way too much for a day. Even attempting to get up to help him had been very painful. Rick wasn't at his best either but he felt determined when he was fighting that guy. Wouldn't allow him to kill Negan and he hadn't but not without getting hurt in the process. They couldn't catch a break anymore. Rick sighed to himself and tried to relax at his seat. 

"How are you feeling?" Siddiq questioned worried. 

"It hurts" Rick replied "but you said it yourself. Since it's not deep, it's gonna heal faster"

"Look Rick, I'm sorry..." Arat said with regret. "Shouldnt have left you without protection"

She had helped them put all the medical supplies to the truck and carry Negan as well. Amber had been sitting with him and Mark in case they needed something. 

"Don't like that place" Rick replied plainly "never did and especially now. If our lives get in danger at Alexandria as well, I'm taking him somewhere away. Won't wait to get killed first, because of some psychos"

A silence fell to the car as Arat drove the rest of the way to Alexandria. 

\---

Arat informed the Saviors that they - including Negan - would be staying there. Rick shot them a glare and saw guns and a lot of them. He had a feeling that he would be like a prisoner at Alexandria as well. Negan had to get better soon, so that some order would get restored. Rick was sick and tired of imprisonments. Should leave the past behind and look how things would make their lives better, not worse. At least Negan would be safe there hopefully. 

They were set to an unvacated house for the night since everyone else was sleeping at that hour. Couldn't wait to see his son again. He goodnighted their housemates and walked to his and Negan's room. Siddiq had set the oxygen for him and he was staring at the semi dark ceiling. Rick laid next to him and let out a sigh of relief that he could finally rest his injured shoulder. 

He shifted his body with some difficulty and looked at Negan. Negan removed the mask and turned to him. 

"You shouldn't remove the mask" Rick mumbled quietly. 

"Almost died for me Rick" Negan said roughly "if he had killed you, how would I live with all these guilts?"

Rick grabbed Negan's hand in his. 

"I couldn't live with the guilts either so don't lecture me why I did it. Don't know why he was determined to kill you, but wouldn't let him do it or any other psycho for the matter, you hear me? Plus it's not that bad of an injury"

"You shouldn't even care if I live Rick. Didn't say that I love you, so that you could sacrifice yourself for me. Just wanted to say it for a while now..." Negan said in frustration. 

"I am yours , get that? Not because of how possessive you are, but because I want to. It's my choice and I choose you. So stop pissing me off by saying that I should've let you get killed. We will both get well"

"If you change your mind...-" Negan started. 

"I will make sure to tell you" Rick rolled his eyes at that. "But I won't"

He supported himself from his good arm and leaned in to give him a kiss. Negan closed his eyes and kissed him back. He was feeling very emotional. 

"Now put on the mask again and sleep. Don't make me babysit you" Rick ordered him softly. 

Negan obliged and put the mask back on. 

Rick wrapped his arm around him and saw Negan falling asleep in seconds. Had to be very tired. He sighed and closed his eyes as well. They were making quite an image being both with injuries.


	43. Chapter 43

Rick woke up some hours later and had not slept well. He was having weird dreams and his shoulder hurt. Negan was already awake by his side and was staring at the ceiling. Had removed the mask. Had troubles breathing normally after getting stabbed but couldn't stand to be wearing it all day long. Made him feel even more helpless. He couldn't even sit up in his situation. Rick moved closer to him and wrapped his arm around him for warmth as best as he could. 

"Good morning..." he said softly "how are you today?" Rick questioned. 

Negan let out a sigh but embraced Rick's affection. 

"Same...I'm still disturbed by yesterday. Can't believe that they hurt you because of me" Negan told him bitterly. 

"We are still alive. If they try to hurt you again, I'm taking you and we're going away,you hear me? Won't risk your life for whatever they have against you" Rick replied with determination. 

"You have your family here and you've not seen them almost at all because of me. Can't possibly do what you're saying. This is your home. Let me be Rick and go to them" Negan said with a soreness. 

Rick frowned at him. 

"Listen to me real close" he said as he supported himself from his good arm to look at him better. "I'll do anything to keep you safe. You can't defend yourself right now so you'll get taken care of by me. If I see that your life is in danger won't wait so they can finish you off first. You made the decisions when I was with the head injury, now it's my turn. Abandoning you, won't be happening "

"So, I'm your prisoner now?" Negan demanded to know. 

"Something like that" Rick smirked a bit at him. "You're the hottest prisoner I could have ever had though..." he added with a grin. 

Negan looked at him in disbelief. Especially now there was nothing "hot" about him. Except if having a fever counted as "hot".

Suddenly they heard a knock on the door. 

"Come in" Rick said and Siddiq opened the door. 

"Hey" he greeted them "came to see how you are holding on..."

"Here...Rick was telling me that I'm his prisoner" Negan said a bit grumpily. 

"Oh really?" Siddiq asked as a small smile appeared on his face. 

"Yeah, if you need someone to clean your room..." Rick laughed. 

Negan let out a sigh as he rolled his eyes. 

"Let's change your bandages now" said Siddiq "and we'll see about the prisoner situation"

Negan agreed and looked at Rick. 

"Check on his shoulder afterwards ok? You need to talk again. Just because all that happened, can't forget about his head..."

"Don't worry, will take care of Rick as well" Siddiq tried to reassure him. "Will be right back. Have to see your wound ,Negan. You need to be patient and stay at bed" he added. 

"Ok..." Negan mumbled in defeat. There wasn't anything else he could do either way. 

Siddiq left to go pick what they had brought from the Sanctuary. 

Negan turned his attention to Rick. 

"I'm serious. You need to remember your life. Not the crap I've put you through and in general so few things..."

"I'll try" Rick sighed "don't know if I'll remember though. It may never happen"

Negan looked at him with a sadness. This was a possibility and it would be all thanks to him.


	44. Chapter 44

"Mark, calm down!" 

They heard Amber begging. Rick sat up quickly. What the hell was going on? 

Mark barged into their room and he was breathing fast. Amber grabbed him by the arm, trying to prevent him from doing something he would regret later on. 

"Mark please! Let's take you to lay back down" Amber pleaded. He had woken up with an urge to hurt Negan. 

Rick and Negan had frozen on the other hand. Rick hadn't gotten to see Mark's face during daytime until now. The view was mortifying. He was lucky to even be alive after that. He didn't look good at all though. His face was reddish and sweaty. Amber looked desperate behind him. Wanted to keep those two apart. Didn't know what Mark could do to Negan. Even killing him was possible. They were unwell and injured though. That was not the time to be fighting. 

Negan was already upset and became worse when he looked at Mark and what he had done to him. He looked worse than Dwight. 

He averted his eyes fast. Didn't want to face his own actions. Rick noticed his distress though. Mark should go back to his room ,immediately. 

"Mark-" he started ,but got interfered. 

"Look at me!" Mark snapped at Negan in anger. 

Negan felt his eyes stinging though. 

"That's enough!" Rick said coldly as he stood up from their bed. "You are sick, go lay down Mark. Don't cause Amber more pain"

"Because of him I'm not well! I've suffered so much already and will keep suffering if I survive" Mark snapped at them. 

"Mark" Amber demanded "He can't take back what was done. Please. Negan is stabbed and has lost so much blood"

Mark was not planning to stop though. 

"How about I find an iron and do the same to you too, huh?" he asked aggressively. 

Negan started sobbing and Rick looked ready to kick Mark out of there. Knew that Mark felt outraged but Negan was not well either. For Negan it wasn't so much of being afraid that Mark would do what he threatened, but because of how guilty he felt. He was right to be shouting at him,couldn't say otherwise. Rick should finish him off as well for making him forget his whole life. His actions were terrible and had no excuses, at least justified ones. 

Siddiq appeared by the door and took in the scene in front of him. Those three were capable to kill each other. 

"This ends now" he ordered Mark "if you want me to help , you'll behave. Think of Amber. What do you believe will happen? That me and Rick will just let you take revenge on Negan and do nothing to stop you? Had some very difficult days, respect me if not anyone else in this house that are also very tired and upset. There are rules Mark. I know that you're in pain,but enough is enough" Siddiq said sternly. 

Mark seemed to come back to his senses after Siddiq's outburst. Amber had tears in her eyes and touched the good side of his face gently. He was feverish and hot to the touch. . 

"Let me take you to bed" she mumbled "please..."

Mark nodded slightly and she sighed in relief. 

"I'm sorry" she said to Rick in shame. 

Rick let out a breath he had been holding. 

"Can you give us a moment?" he asked Siddiq. 

"Sure..." he replied with a soreness and left them alone. 

Negan was sobbing quietly. Rick knew that all that had made him very upset. 

He laid back down to his side of the bed and moved himself closer to Negan. 

"Shouldn't have stormed in here..." he mumbled to Negan. "You have regretted all that...I know that you have. What can I do to make you feel better? Don't want my "prisoner" to be crying, please?" Rick pleaded him. 

"Like you were not crying when you were with me.." Negan said roughly because Rick had been sobbing every chance he could get when he had him locked up. Had his reasons most of the times though...

Rick didn't want Negan to feel like that anymore though. Wanted him to be vocal about what was going on both physically and emotionally. Especially now that he had gotten stabbed and got so close to losing him. Things were not like they used to. 

"I had other issues..." he explained "You're not the same either. I'm not doing a very good job at taking care of you though if it is to be crying. Don't want to be seeing you all teared up and that's an order" Rick told him decisively "if you care you're gonna do it and try for me" 

Negan wiped the tears from his eyes and sighed. 

Rick leaned in and gave him a kiss. Negan kissed him back and felt very emotional at the moment. 

"Noone else has such a handsome prisoner, only me..." Rick said thoughtfully "might as well keep you forever..."

Negan kissed him again and looked up at his intense blue eyes. 

"I am yours,if you'd want someone like me..." Negan mumbled at him "you know that my heart belongs to you either way..."

"I'll make sure everyone knows it that you are mine" Rick said possessively. Couldn't get enough of him,but had to keep in mind that Negan was in a worse situation than himself though. He caressed Negan's cheek gently, trying to comfort him. Negan had been through a lot these days. 

"No more crying, alright?" Rick told him seriously "want you to be in a good mood or at least to try together, you and me, because it plays a big role in getting better soon" Negan nodded hesitanly, despite not feeling that he couldn't do what Rick was asking. "Also time for your treatment at last and mine afterwards..." Rick continued as he gave him one last kiss on the lips. "Eating something for breakfast as well. Bet you're hungry, I'm too. Miss your dinners" he added with a small grin. 

With that he stood up carefully ,because of his injury, to go call Siddiq. He offered Negan a warm smile and he tried to give it back to him by smiling as well, but didn't reach his eyes. Rick felt bad for him but hoped that it was just because he had gotten upset from the incident with Mark and in general everything that had happened. Negan was a badass. Couldn't let these things bring him down, no matter how tough it may was. 

Rick helped him put the oxygen mask back on again, because he had started struggling and then he left to call their one and only doctor, who had done so much for them already. Negan held the bedsheets tightly and felt overwhelmed. Knew that Rick wanted the best for him, but felt disgusted by himself. Wished that ,somehow, Rick would give up on him. Deserved better than anything he could ever offer him. He looked down at his wound under the sheets and he was feeling pathetic. Closed his eyes to keep himself from tearing up again and getting scolded by Rick when he would come back in some minutes. 


	45. Chapter 45

"I am very worried Siddiq" Rick admitted as he touched his injured shoulder lightly. "Don't know if someone will try to attack him again. Not to mention that whole incident with Mark, who is staying at the same house..."

Siddiq let out a sigh. He could get Rick's frustration. 

"I know...Negan has pissed off a lot of people. It won't be easy to keep him away from all these dangers. He has to stay in bed for now. You should take it easy as well. Looks like we are gonna become housemates all of us, until we can safely take our own ways"

"I can't thank you enough Siddiq" Rick said with gratitude "you've done so much for us, don't know how I'll repay you..."

"To be healthy will be the best repay" Siddiq smiled a bit at him. 

"Negan is not well" Rick grimaced as he thought about it "his mood is at it's lowest. Don't know how to lift him up"

"He needs time" Siddiq tried to comfort him "try to be there for him as much as you can. How are things between you now?"

"Well he loves me and love him as well, but think he's trying to push me away. That I should leave him alone and crap like that. Don't want to leave him alone though. For the first time ever he is realising what he did and admitting his mistakes" Rick said in frustration. 

"Let me go talk to him a bit" Siddiq suggested. 

"Ok..." Rick agreed. Hoped that Siddiq could help Negan with all that he was going through. 

Siddiq walked upstairs and entered Rick's and Negan's room. Negan flinched back when he heard the door opening. He was afraid that they were going to attack him again. Calmed down a bit when he saw Siddiq. 

"How come Rick is not with you? He seems determined to not let me out of his sight..." Negan said as he removed the mask with a sigh so that they could talk. 

Siddiq sat down at a chair next to Negan's side of the bed. 

"He is worried for you" he replied "I mean...don't you want him to care about you? Would prefer him to be indifferent?"

"I want him to get his life back" Negan replied with a soreness "I love him so much ,but I'm not good for him. Our whole relationship was toxic from the get go. Now can't keep him even if I wanted to" he said as he looked down at his wound. "I may still die after all. He got injured twice because of me. Imprisoned you both. Does he really deserve all that?"

"I get what you mean, but it's his choice Negan. You didn't force him to get in the way of that guy, whoever he was. He did it because he wanted to..."

"I don't even know who wants me out of the way. How more pathetic can I possibly get?" Negan sobbed out. "Don't want him to be my nurse, alright? Or stay with me from pity. If that didn't happen, he would most likely still hate me"

"You know a quote that says “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”?"

Negan shook his head negatively. 

"Maybe that's what you need to do. I think you're very hard on yourself, more than the necessary at least. Now let's check on you" Siddiq said as he stood up and got the chair out of the way. 

"Will you talk with Rick?" Negan pleaded as he looked up at him. 

"Yes, I'll try to help him as much as possible. I'm sure that you'll both be just fine in no time" Siddiq gave him a small smile. 

"Hope so..." Negan mumbled as he lowered the bedsheets so that Siddiq could change his bandages. 

"Get some rest Negan" Siddiq said to him in a soft tone as Negan felt his eyes closing against his will. He was still feeling very tired from all that blood loss.


	46. Chapter 46

"Dad!" Carl sobbed out as he fell into Rick's hug. Rick felt very emotional as well. He might didn't remember his own kid but there was definitely a connection between them. Had opened the door when Siddiq was upstairs with Negan and got taken by surprise to see him. He was planning to go see Carl as well, but wasn't in a situation yet to be walking around. Not to mention that he didn't want to leave Negan. Was very glad that they were seeing each other again though, definitely. 

"Carl, I've missed you so much" said Rick as he hugged him back as best as he could. 

"Couldn't believe it when I heard you were here..." Carl told him as he wiped a tear from his one eye. He looked at his dad better and frowned at the injury. "Did Negan...-" he started. 

"No" Rick sighed "look Carl, someone decided to get Negan out of the way. He didn't achieve it,but we both got injured in the process. That's why we moved to Alexandria and will be staying at that house. Us, Siddiq, Amber and Mark. Know that you were very worried when Negan took me and Siddiq, but we are ok. Me with an injury plus the head, but the shoulder is not that bad..."

"Who wants to kill him?" Carl demanded. 

"We don't know. Had to leave from the Sanctuary. Don't think that he is very popular here as well... Has been trying though to be better..." Rick let out a sigh. 

Carl was worried at his father's words. Things were already hard at Alexandria. Didn't know how Negan's presence would affect the whole situation. Wouldn't be for the best to have more things to be upset about. He was alive and there. That was the most important thing right now. 

"You have to see Judith, Dad. Daryl, Michonne..." Carl said to him and saw Rick's confusion at the names. 

"You don't remember them though..." he mumbled in confusion. "Don't worry, they had been missing you as I have. Very much"

"We are gonna catch up Carl. I promise. Everything will be better from now and on" Rick promised him. 

"Will always be my Dad" Carl said emotionally as he gave him one more hug "Amnesia or not"

"I will" Rick agreed with tears in his eyes as he hugged him back. 

\---

Rick opened the door of his and Negan's room and walked in. Had spent some time with Carl but needed to rest as well. Last night had been very stressful. Siddiq and Amber took care of dinner, since they were the only ones capable to do so. Amber had been very apologetic about Mark barging into their room like that. Had told her that he wasn't mad at her or anything close ,but needed to keep an eye on both of them. Would be for the best to avoid any kind of confortation at the moment. If they became healthy enough ,they could perhaps talk things out. That was definitely not the time though. 

Negan opened his eyes slightly as Rick laid down next to him. 

"Where were you?" he questioned, still with some sleepiness. 

Rick shifted his body to look at him. 

"Why, you missed me?" he asked. 

Negan shook his head negatively. Of course he wouldn't admit it if he had, Rick thought. 

"No... Out of curiosity I'm asking. Don't tell me, if you don't want to..."

"Don't be ridiculous" Rick pouted "Carl came by for a bit. The news seem to spread fast. Would go to see him as well, but since he visited first..."

"Why don't you go live with him?" Negan questioned. 

"Because I live with you" Rick replied immediately "What is it today? "Anger Rick" day?"

"Fine..." Negan answered in annoyance. 

Rick moved closer to him though. 

"Have I told you today how gorgeous you are?" he questioned innocently. 

"Only 4-5 times already...would think you only want me for my looks. The thing is that I look awful, I'm sure of it..." Negan said in a grumpy tone. 

"You are such a grumpy bear" Rick joked "and no don't want you for your looks, but you are gorgeous either way. Just stating the obvious"

"I am not..." Negan mumbled as Rick was insisting like he was a catch or something. Far from it, in his opinion. 

Rick ignored him and wrapped his arm around him. 

"So fluffy" Rick said to him happily as he moved closer to Negan, who rolled his eyes at his childlike behavior. 

"I'm not a teddy bear or something you know..." Negan drawled. 

"No ,you're much better than that" Rick replied as he snuggled to him , aware of his injury. "Now let me hug you if you will, alright?"

"Ok..." Negan agreed with a sigh. That guy just wouldn't stay away from him. 

He rested his head against Rick's and let himself get some comfort from him. How many times had he not wished that someone would give him such affection? Had gotten it at last, even under these difficult and weird circumstances. 

If he turned his back on this chance for happiness, he didn't know if he would be getting another opportunity. Especially with someone that truly cared about him, like Rick did.


	47. Chapter 47

"Was thinking..." Rick drawled. 

"That is worrisome" Negan interfered and Rick gave him a light poke. 

"As I was saying...was thinking that maybe we could use that couch of yours when we are both well. You know, the one "not for sleeping"?" 

Negan recalled what he had been saying to Rick in order to persuade him to sleep together and blushed a bit. Had never done anything like that to that couch. Maybe had passed out to sleep some times, but never for something else. 

"It is for sleeping..." he drawled "...just not for you"

Rick pouted and went to turn his back on him. Negan stopped him though. 

"Come here...What am I gonna do with you, huh? When I was begging you to sleep with me, you didn't want to...now you are fantasizing about having sex at my couch?" he questioned in confusion. 

"I had a pride to uphold..." Rick said to him a bit shyly "But I want you so bad, even at the Sanctuary I did. The fact that I almost lost you, was a huge wake up call for me, if you will. Plus you had taken me there forcefully. Want to be with you as equals, you know? Like two people who are in love..."

Negan stroked his cheek lightly. 

"Will see Rick. Can't promise you anything...you know who I am. If I don't get killed, will give this...a chance..." he replied with a sigh. 

"That won't happen, you hear me?" Rick sobbed out "will protect you even if they try again" 

"Shh..." Negan rocked him gently "you are breaking your own rules right now. Don't cry...especially not for me. You should meet someone else. Someone younger and normal. Not an old, grumpy, bat wielding maniac like me. You've said it yourself that I'm a "tyrant"..." 

"You are not" Rick shook his head in denial "I didn't mean it"

"Either way, I had been very hard on you. Shouldn't want to stay with me even for a minute more. Not talking about getting it on again. I'll be fine. Find someone who will love you..."

"Don't want someone else" Rick sobbed out stubbornly "only you..."

"Ok Rick, ok...If that's what you really want, I'll shut up. I promise that I'm gonna do whatever I can to make you happy, for as long as I can. If you meet someone else though, that you're attracted to, don't hesitate to leave me. I may spy on them for a while to see if they are actually good for you, but then I'll leave you alone" he said. 

"Yeah, I'll tell them "I have the go ahead to find another boyfriend/girlfriend by my ex boyfriend slash captor. I want to be with him in reality, but he is pressuring me to be with someone else. So...what do you think?" 

"I mean it's the Apocalypse..." Negan drawled as he held himself to not let out a small laugh "it won't be so weird..."

Rick pouted and sighed in exasperation. 

"I'm not gonna be with someone else. Get over it. It's either you or being alone. If you don't want me back, then I'll not bother you with my presence..."

"You are the most persistent presence I know..." Negan said hesitanly. Just because he wouldn't leave him ,like he was asking. 

"That presence happened upon you unfortunately..." Rick replied, seemingly done with Negan's protests. 

"I'm glad it did, you prick" Negan replied as he gave him a soft kiss. "Just want the best for you, don't get mad at me..."

"You are the best for me" Rick replied determingly "Now let's relax for a bit ,without arguing. Siddiq and Amber are making dinner. Will be feeding you, so you don't have to..." he added with a smirk. 

"How? You have an injury as well-injuries in fact..." Negan drawled. 

"Have another arm as well" Rick pointed out as he showed it to him "You shouldn't be pressuring yourself, so I'll take care of you, like you did all these times I was being dizzy or everything else that I was going through"

"You remember that day at the bathroom?" Negan questioned "I mean the first one, not that the second one wasn't great as well"

Rick smiled at him. 

"Of course I do" he replied warmly "I remember everything we did together, when we weren't fighting, I mean. You may caused me to lose my memories, but wouldn't change the new ones I've made with you for anything. You even cared if my injured head would get cold. Do you know many tyrants who would give a damn about things like that? I even punched you right square to the face and didn't hurt me back" 

"Still haven't seen those beautiful curls of yours..." Negan said in disappointment "As for the face, since it didn't cause me a broken nose, it's ok. Not that I didn't deserve it" 

"You will" Rick reassured him "just hang on to me and I'll do the same. We need each other more than never before. So stop trying to push me away. Not happening. These dark clouds will go away eventually..."

Negan looked at him and Rick gave him a comforting smile. 

"You remind me of my...wife" he admitted. Had thought about it again, but now it was clear as day to him. 

"Which one?" Rick asked ,confused. 

"Not these wives. I mean, my one and only real wife. She died just before the Apocalypse began. She had...cancer and her name was Lucille" he said to him with a soreness. 

Rick frowned at the name. 

"Lucille like...-" he started. 

"Yes...like the bat. Named it after her. She would have killed me for doing so, if she was still around. You remind me of her so much. She was just like you. Standing up for herself, defending what was right, loving me despite doing so much to her as well..." Negan said with regrets. 

"She would be proud of you now" Rick told him as he thought about it. Negan had changed. Wasn't selfish anymore. 

"You think so...?" he asked hesitanly. 

"I do" Rick said seriously "I'll never be able to replace her, but I want you to feel loved again..."

Negan embraced Rick's warmth and thought of Lucille. Maybe there was a way of him to feel loved again, even without her there.


	48. Chapter 48

2 months later. 

Rick took a breath as he looked himself in the mirror. His shoulder had healed and been able to remove the bandages after all this time. Only a small scar was left as a reminder that he had hit his head. Had been going on runs these past few weeks. The Saviors were still a daily presence at Alexandria. Negan and he ,had gotten into arguments about going out there, but he couldn't just say that he wouldn't be going. He was healthy enough and everyone was forced to contribute , so he couldn't stay at the safety of the house, while others were putting themselves on the line. 

Negan on the other hand seemed determined to not go out of the house ever again. He was moving around with the help of one crutch and sometimes he could on his own as well, but with difficulty. Didn't want to walk around Alexandria though. Not caring about taking his place back. It was like he had given up. Rick sighed as he walked down the stairs. Found Negan sitting at the couch, not doing something in particular but staring with a lost expression. He sat down next to him and grabbed his hand in his. 

"When are you gonna start doing something? It's been two months, Negan" he questioned. He was really trying to show understanding but Negan wasn't even trying. Like ,at all. 

Negan felt some annoyance inside of him. Why couldn't they leave him alone at last? Siddiq and Rick had been pressuring him. 

"When are you gonna let me be?" he snapped back at him as he removed his hand from Rick's and crossed them above his chest. "Go see your boyfriend, Daryl. Bet he misses you"

Rick groaned at that. He and Daryl had grown closer, like they used to before his injury ,as he had been told. They were just good friends though, or at least trying to get there again. Had done so much to take care of his kids after all when he was away. Even suffered from getting whipped,as he had found out. Negan didn't seem to get that there wasn't anything else between them though. Only the first days Negan had accepted his affection, now they may were sleeping at the same bed , but Negan didn't want them to do anything. Not even cuddling. 

Rick had been feeling hurt at his behavior but Siddiq had told him that it was normal to act like that. Had gone through a big shock and it was difficult to get through it. Two days after they came to that house, Negan had been close to dying. His wound had swollen and was with a high fever. Thaks to Siddiq,he had survived. Rick could get that it was very tough for him but the lack of trying was what got him mad. 

"You are my boyfriend. How many times do I have to repeat myself? Daryl is my friend as you know already. Like Michonne is as well and many others. Are you gonna be jealous of all of them?" he asked in exasperation. 

"Had told you to find someone else. Can't offer you what you need. Don't you see that I still walk around with a crutch?" he questioned grumpily "What can I possibly give you? If you don't feel that way for Daryl, find another person. You have already oppressed yourself for my sake. Stop it and go find what you want..."

Rick grabbed him by the chin though to make him look at him. He narrowed his eyes at him like he did when he was mad. With him, most of the times.. 

"YOU are what I want. I'll wait for as long as it takes, but I'm so cuddling you from now and on. What you need is someone to show you that this is just a phase. I love you and I'm gonna give it to you unconditionally. Only if you kick me out, I'll stop"

Negan let out a frustrated sound. 

"So ,you don't care about what I want? That's what you're saying?" he questioned. 

"If you were serious, I would. But you want me as much as I do. You are gonna be just fine again. Look at how much progress you've made..."

"You are wasting your time ,Rick. That's all I know" Negan replied. 

Rick frowned at him and stood up. 

"I expect to see you at our bed when I come back" he announced and Negan rolled his eyes at that. He was planning to sleep at the couch, just to annoy the other guy. 

"You can't give me orders" Negan shot back at him "only with me works that. With you, I'm afraid not..."

"We will see" Rick said simply. 

"Where are you going now?" Negan asked him in an irritated tone. 

"To see my boyfriends and girlfriends, they've all missed me, you see. It's hard to balance all these love interests as you must know from your own experience, huh?"

"Yes, of course..." Negan said with a sore expression. 

Rick gave him one last glare and left him alone. Wished that when he returned, Negan would have made up his mind about sleeping together. Wanted so bad to show him how much he loved him. 

Negan would always be Negan, though. He sighed in disappointment and closed the door behind him as he exited their house.


	49. Chapter 49

Rick let out a sigh as he walked around aimlessly. He didn't want to be out there, but with Negan. Felt bad that there was this coldness between them once again. He would like to ignore him and keep trying, but if Negan didn't want to be with him after all, was there really any point? Wanted so bad to hug him and say that they were gonna be together at last. That all they'd been through together, were worth it. He was getting on his nerves with all these suggestions about finding someone else and that he wasn't good enough for him. Amber and Mark had moved to another house about a month now. If Siddiq hadn't been staying with them, he bet that they would be having arguments every day. At least with Siddiq there, Negan controlled himself a bit better. 

The night restriction would start soon, but he wasn't feeling like going back to their house. It was a cold December day, but the low temperature did him good. Helped to think things clearer. Despite his talks with Siddiq, only some of his memories had returned. Bits and pieces mostly. Had spent too much time worrying about the past and if he would remember or not though. Wanted to focus on the present and his present was Negan. If he wanted it though. 

Out of sudden he heard some people talking near the South exit of Alexandria. 

"Did you load up the things?" questioned one. 

"Yeah man. Boss will be pleased. They found a lot of food this week, but since they have no control of it, they are gonna eat scraps again" 

They laughed as they got to the front of a truck to drive back to the Sanctuary. 

What the hell, Rick thought as he frowned. He checked around him quickly and hurried to the back of the truck as he jumped in. His eyes widened. 

That was almost all the food they had found the other day! What would the Alexandrians be eating? 

The Saviors had been telling them that the food supplies were tight and that everyone should eat smaller portions. Didn't seem that way to him though.

Damn you Negan, he thought in frustration. That's what was happening while he was in a "given up" mode. Rick heard the car's engine getting turned on and contemplated what to do. He could jump out of the truck and return home or he could go to the Sanctuary and discover what was going on with the food they were finding on runs. 

The second it was. He hid himself behind some boxes as the car started moving to go back to the compound. 

\---

Negan heard the door getting opened and sighed. Rick would demand from him to go to their bed, most likely. He wasn't feeling well though. Being helpless for so long had taken quite a toll on him. He loved Rick, of course he did, but felt like he couldn't be what the other man needed. When he had seen him without the head bandages, had almost teared up. Hardly kept himself. He was just so handsome. With his curls as well...That guy was perfect and then he was, well, himself...He grabbed the blanket tighter in his grip and got ready to say to Rick that he would be sleeping to the couch. 

"Hey Negan" Siddiq greeted him instead. 

Negan wondered what Rick was doing. 

"Hey..." he said instead "Did you see Rick by any chance?"

"No" Siddiq shook his head negatively "I was with Rosita so didn't see him"

Negan let out a hum. Everyone seemed to be happy, except from him. Siddiq had started dating Rosita these past few weeks and he seemed more relaxed and happier. He and Rick on the other hand had constant arguments. Negan knew that he was the problem and not Rick, but still... 

"Do you want me to make you something?" Siddiq suggested from the kitchen. 

"No, I'm good. Thank you though" Negan replied. 

"Alright" Siddiq answered "I'll eat and go to sleep. Feel tired..." he added with a yawn. 

"Same..." Negan agreed. Maybe if he fell asleep before Rick got home, he wouldn't make him to stand up and go to their bed. 

He looked outside of the window and at the darkness. It was cold these days. He covered himself better and glared one more time at the door. Would like to know where Rick had gone to, but doubted he would tell him after the argument they had earlier. 

Negan let out a sigh and closed his eyes to sleep. Was feeling very tired both physically and emotionally these days.


	50. Chapter 50

"Do you want to unload them now?" the one guy questioned. Rick felt his heart beating faster. If he was caught there... 

"Nah, I'm tired dude...tomorrow" the other one yawned as they both got out of the truck and closed the doors behind them. 

Rick calmed down a bit. It was very risky what he was doing. Maybe should have told Negan and let him deal with it, but then again those were his people. If they were stealing their food and leaving them with "scraps" though...this was about their survival. Had nothing to do with his and Negan's personal issues. 

He jumped out of the truck and walked hesitantly to what appeared to be the room they kept the supplies as they had parked close to unload the items. Rick made sure that he was alone and opened the door. Were they serious right ? It was full. Like full-full, though. What was next? To let them starve? Had to let the Alexandrians know. Wouldn't get themselves in danger out there so that they could keep all the good supplies and leave them so few to get by with. 

Rick went to turn back to exit the room and find a way to get back to Alexandria, when he felt someone pressing a gun against his head. 

"Thought I saw someone from the rear window sneaking into the truck..." He was the one guy from the truck. 

"I was leaving" Rick said to him, trying to negotiate. 

"You saw the supplies though. Can't let you go now" the man replied arrogantly. 

"Had been taking Alexandria's supplies. I am telling everyone about it" Rick said in a cold tone as he turned around to look at him. 

"Won't be asking your permission. You are imprisoned. We can do whatever the hell we want. Why getting tired when you can do all the hard work?" the guy asked, smirking evilly. 

"If Negan-" Rick started. 

The guy let out a laugh though. 

"Negan is done. Our real boss is Simon. Noone gives a damn about Negan. He was merciful though. Didn't kill him off completely when he could have done it. That guy he had brought for the job turned out to he useless either way though, but he achieved to get him out of the way..."

Rick couldn't believe what he was hearing, but felt rage growing inside of him. 

Attacked that guy with force and he fired , hitting a can of something. Rick fought his hardest to get the gun from his hands. 

"Stop!" the guy shouted as he tried to get him off of him. 

"You are gonna pay dearly for what you did" Rick snapped at him as he punched him to the stomach. 

"Should have killed you both!" the guy replied with hatred as he gripped the gun better and hit him with its back to the head. 

Rick felt his vision getting blurry and saw blood running down in between his eyes. 

He lost consciousness as everything around him turned to black. 

\---  
Negan woke up abruptly. Was feeling very upset. Looked outside and it was early morning as the sun was beginning to appear at the horizon. Sat up and thought to walk upstairs to check on Rick. He bet that he would be still asleep. 

He opened the door of their room and walked in trying to not make much sound. Approached the bed and instead of seeing Rick sleeping, there were just the bed covers. 

What the-, he thought to himself. 

He switched on the light to make sure that he wasn't imagining things. Rick wasn't there. 

No matter what he always returned to their house. Negan felt anxious. Rick would never worry him like that. If he was to sleep at his own house that Carl, Judith and Daryl were staying, he would have let him know. Could it be possible that he did it because of their argument? No, though. Rick was not the type to take vengeance or things like that. 

He hurried out of the room and knocked on Siddiq's door urgently. 

"What-?" questioned a still sleepy Siddiq as he opened the door. 

"Siddiq we have a problem. A serious one" Negan announced. 

Siddiq wiped the tiredness of his eyes and looked at him. 

"What happened? Is Rick hurt?" he asked with worry. 

"That's the problem. I don't know. He didn't return last night as it seems. Our room is empty. Always comes back. What happened to him now?"

Siddiq sighed. It wasn't like Rick to not sleep at their house. 

"Let's not think the worst. He may decided to sleep to someone's else's house and just didn't let us know or he was too tired. I'll go out to ask if someone has seen him or knows where he is. Just...stay here in case he comes back" he said as he started getting dressed. 

Negan nodded as he bit his lip in frustration. If Rick wanted to scare him, he had managed it. He was feeling afraid and the worst thing was that he didn't know why he felt that way, exactly.


	51. Chapter 51

"𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙?"

Rick blinked his eyes slightly and he was laying at a hospital bed. 

"Hey, Rick" he heard someone saying. He opened his eyes fully and saw someone standing at the edge of his bed and it was... 

"You are...Rick...?" he questioned unsure. How could he be both laying down and standing up at the same? The other Rick smirked at him. 

"I am your conscious. We have been lost for quite some time the two of us buddy...Don't you agree? You are disconnected from your past"

"I hit my head..." Rick mumbled "twice...oh my God" he said with fear "what if my memories get erased again?"

"I'm here to help us reconnect. Truth be told you may got hurt physically but didn't lose what makes us who we are. What makes Rick who he is. Memories get forgotten all the time after all, even without what you went through buddy. You cared for others, always fought for what you believed in"

"But I'm afraid..." Rick said with a sob "it scares me to not know who I am"

The other Rick transformed himself into a Sherrif deputy. 

"Isn't that better?" he asked as he sat down next to him. 

"I was a Sherrif's deputy?" Rick questioned as he looked at the other Rick. 

"You were, yes. But do you know now who you are? Did seeing yourself with a uniform help?"

"Well...it's a start" Rick said hesitantly. 

"It's not though, is it? Our memories don't defy us Rick. Not saying that they are not important at all but don't let them control you. Anything can bring back a memory. A touch, a scent, a laugh"

"Me forgetting my memories caused Negan to do all that to me. How can you say that?" Rick demanded. 

"It brought you together also" the other Rick pointed out. "Which would have happened much later if you hadn't hit your head. You are afraid. Of the past, of Negan not loving you... In order to move on, you have to free your soul. You've built a prison and have locked yourself in. To protect yourself from getting harmed. Can't live like that though Rick..."

"What if I lose those memories I'd made with Negan as well?" he asked with tears in his eyes. 

"You'll make new ones. Have to be like a shark Rick to survive in this wild world. Need to find ways to move on, no matter how hard. There are people ready to help you do it. Negan is one of them. You and me both know, how stubborn he is. Don't lose faith though to yourself or to others and I said already, sometimes memories are just that. Memories. Your love remains regardless. Only you can help us reconnect Rick"

"I want us to" Rick said to him "just don't know how..."

"You will find the answers Rick. I've missed you and can't wait for us to reconnect" he said with a small smile. 

"Will we though?" Rick questioned. 

"I'm sure we will" the other Rick told him as he stood up. 

"Is that happening inside my mind?"

"It could..." the other Rick said as he turned to the exit "that doesn't make us less real though"

Rick looked at him in silence, unsure of what to say. 

The other Rick looked at him one more time. 

"You are gonna need strength when you wake up... So good luck old friend"

With that he opened the door and left him alone. 

Rick watched him leaving. Was afraid to wake up, but Negan needed him, his friends as well...wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet.


	52. Chapter 52

Negan didn't think that it was possible to feel worse than how he was feeling right now. Siddiq had gone around Alexandria to search for him, but he was nowhere to be seen. They've all gotten upset to hear that Rick had gone missing but there wasn't much they could do. Rick was a grown up man after all. He might had sneaked out there for some personal reason. There was no way to know for sure. The fact that he didn't tell anyone though was worrisome. 

"Did you have an argument yesterday?" Siddiq asked hesitantly. 

"Yes , but it wasn't that bad" Negan answered in frustration "had said that he would be back. It's not like him to be out there in the cold..." Rick loved the warmth. There was no way he would be staying out all night especially with this coldness. "What if someone harmed him because of me again?" 

"Rick never caused a problem two months now that we've been here. On the contrary, had been helping a lot" said Siddiq as he couldn't understand what could have happened. 

"It's all my fault" Negan said bitterly "pushed him away. All he wanted was for me to show him some love and affection ,after all that shit I did to him. I am a horrible person..." he sobbed out. 

Siddiq sat down next to him and tried to comfort him. 

"You are not, Negan. Don't think like that. When we first met ,I thought that you were some sadistic person, from the many that the Apocalypse brought to the surface. But you're not. You'd been through a lot as well. I've seen how much you care for Rick and bet he knows it as well. I'm sure that he will do everything in his powers to come back, no matter what happened"

"What if he can't though?" Negan asked as tears rolled down his cheeks. 

Where are you Rick, he thought in despair. 

\---

"𝙀𝙚𝙣𝙞𝙚 𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙣𝙞𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙚"

Rick opened his eyes and he was feeling a strong dizziness. Tried to move his hands but he was tied up to a chair. His legs as well. Also had something like a gag to his mouth to stop him from talking. Rick let out a groan as he tried to loosen up the restraints.

"Thought that you got hit so hard ,that you would never wake up again..." said someone in an mocking tone "that would be easier ,but no. You will suffer first"

Rick tried to focus and saw Simon standing some meters away from him. 

His face transformed to hatred immediately. 

"I'm gonna kill you!" he tried to yell ,but it came out muffled. 

"What was that?" Simon questioned like he hadn't understood. He moved closer to him and removed the gag from his mouth. 

"I said that I will fucking kill you!" Rick snapped at him with venom. 

"Do you know where we are Rick? At the cabin you and your lover boy, Negan, had been staying"

Rick looked around him and indeed it was the cabin that he had spent these few weeks with Negan. Where he had fallen in love with him... 

"That's where you will be kept once again. Someone will be bringing your food and water once a day while you will stay tied up. Negan may had forgiven what you and your people did, but you know what? I didn't. Nor that you punched me as well. Now you found out about the supplies, so can't possibly let you go"

Rick let out a humourless chuckle though. 

"You are a dead man" he told him. 

Simon gave him a hard slap though which made him groan in pain. 

"You can scream all you want" he said as Rick was in pain "there is noone in many miles to hear you,which is why Negan had brought you here in the first place. Better keep your energy though, because just for your attitude, you won't be eating anything for the rest of the day. Would be a shame to die before the next time you'll get to eat something, huh?"

Rick spit at him. 

Simon got a tissue out and cleaned it ,very calmly. 

He turned his back on Rick and got outside closing the door behind him with a loud noise. 

Rick sobbed hard as silence fell to the cabin. He was gonna die in there. At the very same place he had grown feelings for Negan.


	53. Chapter 53

Rick was trying to take deep breaths in order to calm himself down. It was almost night and he was not feeling well. Was tired, desperate and missed Negan terribly. Would have noticed that he had gone missing by now. May even think that he left because of their stupid argument. Negan was still with a crutch. He was all alone in this situation even if he somehow knew where they had taken him. Had to find a way out himself. 

"𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚", someone whispered. Rick looked around him, but he was all alone. Was he imagining things now? 

Who was he? Righ sighed and closed his eyes. Had to reconnect with that part of himself that he had forgotten due to his injury. Only there he would find the answers he was looking for. 

He was back at that same police car he had seen that day with Negan. 

"It's been a while Rick" said that man he had seen the previous time as well. 

"Who are you?" Rick questioned confused. 

"Shane Walsh aka your partner back then, don't you remember?" Shane asked him as he took a bite of one burger. 

Rick looked outside of the window. What did he remember? Closed his eyes. Images started coming back to him. 

The crash, the hospital, Lori, Shane, Negan... 

"Judith is your daughter. That's why you were asking...?" Rick asked as Shane smirked at him. 

"Nah...just wanted to mess with you a bit" he replied with a small smile "I'm inside your head after all. You killed me and rightfully so. I was dangerous, for both others and myself. Judith couldn't have had a better father than you. I may be her biological father, but you're her Dad"

"So much happened to me since I woke up to that hospital..." Rick said as he thought about it. 

"That's true. You changed, we all did. Some for the better like you and some for the worse like me and Simon. You have to get back Rick"

"How?" Rick questioned "I'm tied up"

"Please, Rick. You've faced so much worse. I mean come on, the Terminus...? You won't hesitate now. To some rope. You have been trained for situations like that one you're facing now. Think of it as if it was happening before the Apocalypse. What would you do? Just surrender? No, Rick. You are a fighter. Remember!"

Rick opened his eyes and memories came back to him. He remembered everything. Every single thing that he had been through. He couldn't give up now. 

Moved his hands in a certain way he had been taught during his training as a Sheriff's deputy. 

"Come on, come on" he muttered to himself. He let out some groans of pain ,but what he was doing, was working. Took him some time but soon felt the rope loosen up. It fell to the floor and Rick tried to relieve his sore wrists. He moved to untie his feet as well. 

Stood up despite his dizziness and walked to the kitchen while supporting himself from the walls. He was in desperate need to eat and drink something. 

Opened the tape and drank plenty of water. His mouth had gone dry after all he'd been through. He sighed in relief that his thirst was finally away. Checked around and found a can of soup. That would do for now. He heat it up a bit and sat down to eat. Felt like he was starving. Ate it hungrily and felt much better. 

Simon wouldn't be back until tomorrow. He knew he'd said that he would be sending someone else,but Rick doubted it. He would want to check on him on his own. Rick opened the drawer with the cutlery and found a sharp enough knife. That would definitely do. 

He walked to his and Negan's room and laid down to the bed they had shared. This was their cabin with Negan. He wouldn't let Simon ruin what they'd built there. He was safe until tomorrow but when Simon would be showing up, he would be ready for him. 

I'm gonna come back Negan, he thought as he let himself get drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left to the story!


	54. Chapter 54

Negan laid to his and Rick's bed and touched the bedsheets on Rick's side. He was still missing. Couldn't help but keep wondering if he was the reason for Rick's disappearance. Wanted him to be safe...to come back to him and to Alexandria...if something bad happened to him, he would never forgive himself for letting him out that door. Was so focused on keeping Rick with force, that he never thought of life without him. A Rick-less world. Even the prospect was terrifying to him. 

"Come back Rick" Negan sobbed out. "I'm so sorry, for everything..."

His body rocked from the emotions he was having as he cried. All of this, started because of him. He first wanted to execute him in front of everyone and then decided to take him as a prisoner. Wished so much that he could take it all back. Should have treated him with understanding and care, instead of a such harsh way. Even now, he had been distant towards Rick. Would he ever get to kiss him again? To give him a hug? Tell him that he would try to never let him down? Not ever again? He didn't know...

He may was better physically but was still suffering from the effects of his stabbing at that corridor. If he didn't have to depend from a crutch, he would be out there already to look for Rick. Even if it turned out to be fruitless. He hated that Rick was all alone in whatever was happening to him. Wished he knew that he was thinking of him and how much he was missing him. He felt like he would be going crazy if he didn't find out the truth soon. 

He and his damned stubbornness. Rick was paying the price once again because he doubted that he would ever stay willingly, away from his family. Hell ,not even a memory loss could stop him. Negan sighed and wiped the tears from his eyes. Rick would probably tell him that he was a crybaby if he was there, but he was so worried. The world out there was dangerous and Rick was still without his memories. Negan put his head on his hands. He wouldn't be closing an eye tonight. That was for sure. 

\---

Rick woke up and looked himself in the mirror. Had a second cut from where he had been hit with the gun. He looked tired to his eyes and he was. From all that he'd been through. Wanted to feel like a normal human being at last. Simon had to get out of the way though and he would from his hands. Negan would be taking his place again and everything would be back on track. Would be getting his life back and noone would be stopping him of being the best version of himself. He was so many things. The amnesiac wasn't one of these things though. Not any longer. 

Heard noise of a car coming from outside. Gripped the knife tight and walked towards the window. Simon got out of the car holding a bag, with his supposed food. He would be in for a surprise though. Rick hid behind the door. Wanted to see his face when he would realize that he had freed himself. 

Simon opened the door and came face to face with fallen rope to the floor and the chair he had tied Rick to, was now empty. He got his gun out. Rick closed the door behind him. 

"Looking for me?" he questioned as Simon turned around to face him. 

"Gave you a chance Rick. To stay alive. You made your choice I see" Simon growled as he got ready to shoot at him. 

Rick attacked him though. The bullet hit the door and Rick grabbed the gun from his hands as he threw it out of Simon's reach. 

"You are dead Rick!" Simon yelled at him as he gave him a kick. Rick fell to the side and Simon moved so that he was on top of him. He grabbed his throat with both his hands as he squeezed hard. 

"You'll never get to go back!" he spat out as he tried to strangle Rick. 

"I...agree..." Rick managed to let out as he pressed the knife to Simon's throat. Simon let out a yelp as he fell backwards. 

Rick let out some coughs as he tried to catch his breath again. He stood up with struggle and looked down at Simon as he was losing blood fast. 

"You'll never get to go back, as you said" he told him as he removed the knife from his throat. Simon made several gasps as he bled out to the cabin's floor. Rick tried to relieve the pain at his throat and walked out of that cabin closing the door behind him as he hurried to the car. 

Simon would never be hurting him or Negan again.


	55. Chapter 55

Negan heard a knock on the door. His eyes shot up immediately. Could it be-, he thought. Grabbed his crutch and stood up. Opened the door and saw Rick with a new cut to the head and his throat which had a red colour. Felt his blood running cold at that view. 

Rick fell to his hug as he sobbed. 

"Rick-" Negan tried to say. Who the hell had done that to him? 

"Please" Rick pleaded "hold me for a while. Only that I'm asking"

Negan led him to the couch as he closed the door behind them. He touched his face as tears filled up his eyes. 

"I was on the verge of losing my mind two days now and seeing you like...that" Negan sobbed out. 

Rick rested his head on his shoulder as he cried as well. Negan held him there as Rick let it all out. All the pain and frustration he had been keeping in for so long. 

"You are safe here" Negan tried to comfort him "Me and my stupid behavior made you leave. Who did that to you?" he demanded as he held his face gently. 

Rick took a trembling breath. 

"Simon and some of the Saviors" he said and Negan's eyes widened in rage "they were behind your attack as well. He kept me hostage at that cabin we'd been staying. The second hit to my head helped me recover my memories. I remember everything. Me and Simon had a fight. Tried to strangle me... I killed him and drove back here..." Rick said with a sore expression. 

Negan couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was shocked about all that. 

"Why? What did he have with you?"

"He was still mad about our rebellion and was also taking Alexandria's supplies. That's what I saw that day and disappeared. Jumped to the truck and went to the Sanctuary. Then they caught me. You have to take your place back, I'm begging you. Don't need any more real tyrants to dictate our lives"

"You almost died because of me" Negan said with regrets "should have never let you out that door..."

Rick sighed as Negan held him there at the couch. 

"Fixed an injustice. Would never take that back"

"I know, Rick" Negan mumbled "I know..."

\---

Some weeks later. 

Negan opened his eyes and looked around. He was at his bed at the Sanctuary. Rick was sleeping peacefully beside him. 

The last few weeks had not been easy. They were all trying to recover from what they'd been through. Negan checked on Rick's head and thankfully it had been healing pretty well. Would probably not show at all after a while. Alexandria was freed and they were now trading with the Sanctuary. He knew that Rick didn't want to show it but that situation with Simon had been hard on him. Tried to show that he was there for him, no matter what he wanted. It's been some days now that Rick had started separating his time between staying there with him and to Alexandria with his friends and family. 

Negan leaned in and gave Rick a soft kiss to his forehead. Rick blinked his eyes and looked at him. 

"Good morning..." he said with some roughness to his voice from the sleep. 

Negan supported himself from his one arm as he stared at him. 

"Good morning, Rick" he said gently "Slept well?"

Rick nodded. "I did", he confirmed. 

"Good to hear it" Negan replied as Rick moved himself closer to him. 

Negan wrapped his arm around Rick and kept him inches away from him as he looked down at his face. 

Rick's blue eyes focused on him with an unreadable expression. 

"I've missed you so much..." he confessed. 

Negan's eyes softened at that. 

"I miss you too Rick. Do you...?"

Rick nodded as he removed his shirt. "I do", he said simply. 

Negan's lips were on his in a matter of seconds. That time felt different. He was in love and Rick was too. No more prisoners and forced things. 

Rick helped him remove his clothes as well and Negan gave him a kiss to both of his scars. His own wound had been going better as well. 

"Want to take care of you" Negan mumbled as he kissed his throat where Simon had dared to put his hands on. "You are mine" he said softly. 

"...and so are you" Rick replied with a smile. 

Negan eyed his couch and then at Rick. 

Rick smirked a bit and took Negan by the hand as they stood up from bed. 

He laid to the couch and his lips were on Negan's again. 

Negan let himself touch the other man and Rick let out some moans. Was the most perfect person he knew. In all aspects. 

"Negan" Rick cried out with want. 

"I am here" Negan said to him as he continued touching him. "Will never leave you again" he promised as he entered Rick slowly. 

Rick let out a sound of pleasure as Negan moved steadily inside of him. 

Touched his cock and Rick tried to keep himself. Had been so long since they'd been like that with Negan. Didn't know how much he'd missed him exactly, until now. The answer was a lot. 

"Let loose, Rick" Negan told him softly "don't want you to be pressuring yourself. Do what you feel like. Not for me ,but for you. Want you to feel good"

Rick nodded as he let himself get lost to the feelings he was having. Negan continued moving inside of him and soon they both came. 

Negan cleaned him up and looked down at him. 

"I was right about that couch..." Rick said with a small smirk. 

Negan laughed at that. 

"You were", he agreed as he kissed him again. " My beautiful guy..."

Negan hesitated at first but got up and walked closer to their bed. He opened a drawer of his bedside table and got something out. Walked back to Rick who was watching at him a bit confused. Negan hid what he was holding behind his back. 

"I know that I may be in a hurry and you might not be ready..." he said, a bit unsure "...but can't live without you, so..."

Negan dropped down to one knee as Rick's eyes widened. He showed him a small box with a ring inside of it. 

"Would you do me the honor to be my man? I promise to love you and care for you. As long as I breathe , Rick. Will do everything in my powers to make you happy, despite all that pain I caused you..."

Rick sat up and had tears in his as well. 

"I do" he replied as he gave him a tight hug. "Turns out...I can't live without you as well"

Negan smiled at him as he was feeling emotional. 

"Love you, Rick Grimes" he said as he hugged him back. 

For the first time after years, he was excited about what the future would bring. 

Only if Rick was right there next to him.

~The End~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was it for "Losing your memories" .Thanks a lot to anyone who commented throughout the story. Was a great motivation, because I tend to lose it at times when writing, but hope that you enjoyed the story overall. Again ,thank you for reading 🙏


End file.
